November 15th, 2014
It's been a week. I've been here a whole fucking week.
It's been a rollarcoaster. They let me go to your funeral on Saturday, I came back even more messed up.
I say this is every entry, but I miss you so much.
I've been trying to get Michael to come out of his shell, but it just isn't working. What do I do?
Also, I've become really good friends withe Gillian and Maddie. They're really great.
But, you're still my favorite.
Well Calum, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I have to find Michael and try talking to him again.
I love you so so so much.
I closed my notebook and put it on the nightstand next to my bed. I'm the newest, so I got a room to myself. I like it, but it gets a little lonely sometimes.
I was about to pull out the only book my parents sent with me (Looking For Alaska by John Green), when a knock on my door surprised me.
"Come in!" I shouted.
Gillian came shuffling in and sat on my bed.
"Okay, so I bet you're wondering why I'm here. Plus, I can also tell you why Michael, Luke and Ashton are here. If you wanted to know. You know, give you a run-down on our group." Gillian smiled. I nodded. I did kind of want to know.
"So, you know that you-tuber, Connor Franta?" I nodded. "Well I'm here because of him. I went to vidcon and he was there, and I like burst through the barrier thing and tried to kidnap him. They threw me here because they say I'm a psycho. I didn't mean any harm. But I'm not. None of us are." Gillian said. Wow, Connor Franta? Really?
"Okay, so why are the others here?" I asked. The curiosity getting the better of me.
"Luke is here because when he was 17, he would get so paranoid that once he tried to kill his brother because he thought he was part of a cult. No joke. Ashton is here because he self harms and attempted suicide, they almost weren't able to revive him. He tried to hang himself, he was hanging there, almost unconscious, but him mother walked in on the right time I guess." Gillian took a breath. "Micheal's is the worst. Brace yourself."
"He can't be that bad." I smiled.
"That's what you think. Okay, Michael has- remember this kid is like messed up- he has Bipolar disorder, PT-SD, he's bulimic, anorexic, and insomnia. And the actual reason he's here is because he was at a party and he took some LSD and straight up went to a hospital and told the clerk, and I quote, 'I wanna kill myself, I'm unhappy.', looked the lady up and down and then said, 'But first I think I'll fuck you and then kill you too.' " Gillian cracked a smile at the end.
"Oh," I frowned. Although the end was funny, someone so beautiful has some of the worst monsters.
"I forgot to mention he's like borderline mute." Gillian breathed out.
"Gillian, can I ask a question ?" I looked he in the eye.
"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead." Gillian's smile fell when she noticed my mood change.
"Is it possible to fall in love with someone in a week ? I mean like, develop a crush? I don't know, it's stupid." I said and put my face in a pillow.
"No, no, no. It's possible. Who do you like ?"
"I can't say." I sat up and turned my face away.
"Yes you can. I can keep a secret. I promise." Gillian tried again.
"I maybe, kinda, sort of, think I like Michael. I don't know though. I'm almost positive he hates me or something. All he does is like stare at me." I said and just wanted to crawl in a turtle shell and die.
"Aw! You and Michael are now my OTP! I totally ship Melhael!" She screeched. How the fuck did she come up with that so quickly?
"You are such a fangirl," I laughed. "I just wish I could talk to him." I sighed. It was true. I really did wish I could actually talk to Michael.
"Then what you need to do, is talk to one of the only people he talks to. Luke or Ashton. Now I know Ashton is in one- on- one therapy currently. So, talk to Luke. He's in room 203. Go, go, go." Gillian said and pushed me out of my own room.
I walked down the corridor and stopped at 203. I hesitated before knocking, feeling uneasy.
But finally I gained enough courage and knocked. I heard a bed creak and Luke opened the door, shirtless. Hot damn.
"H-hi, Luke. Can I talk to you for a sec ?" I asked. He nodded and opened his door wider, letting me in.
"What can I do for you?" Luke smiled.
"Um, can I tell you something, but promise you won't tell anyone." I whispered, sitting next to him on his bed.
"Yeah, of course."
"Um, this is really weird. But I maybe, sort of, have a thing for Michael." I said with my eyes closed. I heard a gasp, but it wasn't from Luke.
I opened my eyes and looked to where I heard the gasp. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
Michael and Ashton were both standing at the door, Ashton with wide-eyes and a dropped jaw. Michael, on the other hand was just staring at me.
I choked on a breath and walked right out of the room, down the hall, and sraight in my room.
I sat on the bed and basically felt the need to slap myself. Michael heard me. He knows now. I can never be near him anymore.
I lied down on my bed and closed my eyes, falling asleep
"Melody, I am in love with you." Michael said and fluttered his eyes closed.
I smiled and caressed his cheek. "I'm in love with you, too, Michael."
This was it. He was leaning in.
All of a sudden, everything faded and turned into something I remember quite well.
A house was on fire, my house. But, this time I feel it's different.
"Mel! Mel, help me!" I hear someone shout.
I run into the house and under a lot of wood was a wounded Michael.
"Michael! Why are you here ?" I screamed and tried to lift the wood off of his body, it was too heavy.
"Help me! Please, Mel." Michael said.
I tried and tried and tried to lift the wood, but it wasn't lifting.
Michael kept screming and crying, trying to get the thing off of him.
Soon, Michael started coughing until finally, he gave in, closing his eyes, not another word leaving his mouth.
"Michaaaaeeel!!!" The dream faded.
I was being shaken up by a nurse.
"Wake up, Melody, it's okay. Wake up." I opened my eyes and just started crying.
It was only a nightmare. A fucking nightmare.