I stare out the window as we drive off from getting something to eat. We went to a resteraunt, a fancy one. We didn't see any fans, luckily.
"Hey," Calum whispers as he sits beside me.
"Hi." I say.
"When we were at the cafe earlier, why was your journal out?" He asks.
I freeze. He knew about my journal on my bag. He knows I only write about my feelings in it to see if it makes me feel any better. It never does but I still do it so I don't go back to cutting.
"I, I was just looking through my bag." I lie.
"Mia, don't lie."
"Fine." I mumble. I turn to face him and lay my head on his chest. "I was jellous. When you all went out to be with the fans, it was okay. I understand that you all have to take pictures with them and that's totally fine. It's just that when you kissed that girl on the cheek I got jellous." I say, ending with a whisper. "I felt worthless, unloved and so sad, Calum. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it for six months." I whisper.
Calum pulls me into his lap and hugs me tightly from behind. He holds my hands and rest them in my lap. "I'm sorry." He whispers against my hair. "Your not worthless, you mean everything to me. Your not unloved Mia. I love you to death." He explains. "And I'm so sorry if it upset you but I'm gonna have to do it. I'll have to hug them and kiss their cheeks but it won't mean anything. The only kisses and hugs that mean something are the ones you get, and those are extra special."
I smile. "Can I get one of those special kisses now?"
Calum chuckles softly and turns me around, kissing me softly and slowly. He releases from the kiss and kisses my forehead. "Tomorrow we have another concert, will you be okay?" He asks.
I look into his concerned eyes. He really cares and doesn't want to upset me. "I will." I nod. "Maybe I can meet them with you?" I ask.
Calum smiles brightly. "They would love you I know it."
"Can I get a picture with you?" One girl asks me at the meet and greet.
Someone wants a picture with me. A fan of me? Wow. "Sure." I smile and stand next to her. She holds out the camera and takes a picture. I pull away and realize that the ring on my beanie is stuck to her hair.
"Oh my gosh!" She says.
I laugh. "I'm so sorry!" I say as I try to untangle my beanie from her hair. She starts to laugh and we both loose control laughing.
Calum looks at us and starts laughing. He comes over and the girl starts to freak. "Looks like you've made a new friend?" Calum asks me.
The girl and I laugh while Calum untangles her hair from my beanie. "Want a picture with him?" I ask the girl while fixing my beanie.
She nods excitedly and Calum stands beside her, doing his attempt at the duck face with her. After the picture she hands me her twitter name. "Please follow me, it will be amazing." She says.
I nod. "I'll do it as soon as I can."
"It was so nice meeting you." She says with a bright smile. "You too Calum. I'm Ashley by the way."
I smile at her while Calum puts his arm around me. "It was nice meeting the fans, I love them all. It was nice meeting you too Ashley."
Ashley smiles and goes back to her group of friends. She was the last person in line to meet. Calum was right yesterday. They all loved me here, some didn't want a picture but they didn't hate on me.
"They loved you." Calum says as he takes my hand and we start walking to the cab.
"I know. It was amazing." I say. "You played great by the way."
Calum kisses my cheek before we get into the cab. "Thank you."
I smile and sit close to him as Luke and Ashton pile in the cab with us. "Some girl bit me I think." Luke says.
I laugh and so does Calum. Ashton just shakes his head. "She couldn't have bit you, your the one who kissed her cheek and he mouth wasn't even close to you."
"Then she pinched me! Her hand was on my face." Luke yells.
They finally stop bickering and I lay my head on Calums lap, letting my legs lay on Ashton's and Luke's. "I better get some milk tomorrow morning." I say.
"I'm going to buy ten fucking gallons of milk so you can stop hounding me for milk." Ashton says while flicking my shoe.
I laugh the cab pulls up to the hotel. Luke pays the driver and we all walk into our room. I sigh and plop down on the couch. Eve comes and sits on my legs. "Ow god, love ya too Eve." I say. She doesn't weigh a lot but the way she slammed down on my legs it hurts.
Eve laughs and sits behind my legs so hers are resting on mine. "Who wants pizza!?!?" Michael yells from his room.
"Everyone!" Luke yells.
Just then Calum comes over to me. "Did you see our room yet?" He asks.
"No.." I say. Why does he want me to see our room? Is it something special?
I feel his arms wrap around me and lift me up, putting me over his shoulder. "Eve!" I yell while laughing.
Eve just shakes her head as Calum walks away with me. We finally reach our room and he sets me down and jumps on the bed. "We have a big bed this time!" He says as he lays down.
"Yeah, so." I say. I don't see the excitement of
"Come here." He says. I sigh and lay down next to him. "It means more room for this." He whispers as he kisses me passionately and comes over top of me. I giggle against his lips, knowing what he's going to do. Just as I figured he slowly starts to playfully grind on me and we both start laughing.
"PIZZAS HERE!" I hear Michael yell.
Calum groans as he takes my hand and walks out into the living room. I sit inbetween his legs on the couch as we all eat our pizza.
"What's our plans for tomorrow?" Ashton asks.
"I'm gonna be exausted tomorrow." Luke says. "I'm surprised I stayed up for this damn pizza."
"I think we should just have lazy day tomorrow then. Then go out to eat with Nial, Harry, Liam, Louis, and Zayn before we get on the bus." Calum explains.
I nod in agreement as I finish my pizza. "Welp I'm going to bed." I yawn. "Night."
"Night." Everyone says as I get up.
I walk to my room and sit down on the bed. I curl up next to the pillows, under the covers. I find my phone and look at the piece of paper. "@ashley111" I follow her and see that her cover photo is of the guys and he profile picture is me and her. I laugh and DM her: "Lovin the pic :)"
After a couple if minutes I hear Calum come in. He comes under the covers with me and kisses my nose. "Sleepy head." He whispers.
I giggle and nod. I intertwine our fingers together and hold our hands infront of me. I stare at them. "Sing for me." Calum says.
I look at him confused. Why would he want me to sing for him? I suck at singing. "Why?" I ask.
"You never sing in front of me and I want you to. Eve says your good." He says.
"I suck at it." I say. I really don't want to sing for him.
"Please?" Calum whispers as he makes the puppy dog face. His big brown eyes full of fake tears. You could never say no to him.
"Fine, what song?" I ask.
"Amnesia." He smirks.
"I'll sing your parts then." I say. I sit up on the bed and so does Calum. I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I slowly start to sing. "I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted..."
I sing through all of his parts, skipping the chorus in between. "Cause I'm not fine at all." I slowly end off.
"You were beautiful." Calum whispers as he kisses me. "Just the way you look."
I am so so so so sorry that I haven't been posting lately. I've just been so busy! I love you all though!!
Love you allxx