Lost

Jay's death left Colbie really messed up. Messed up to the point where she's trying to kill herself just to be with him. After fighting a battle that has left her barely alive, she is in for one of the cruellest and biggest surprises of her life. Inspired by You Found Me by The Fray and Dead Flowers by Miranda Lambert. Rated Y for violence.

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1. Lost

I found God

On the corner of First and Amistad

Where the west

Was all but won

All alone

Smoking His last cigarette

I said, "Where You been?"

He said, "Ask anything."

* * *

I fought to stay standing, his laugh still ringing in my ears.  I swayed, unfocused, broken inside.  Time slowed down in that instant between getting hit by fire-colored energy and hitting the ground.

     When I finally hit the dirt of my best friend's flower garden, my landing wasn't the agonizing landing I've come to expect.  Instead it was soft ... just like my bed in the dorm.

     I knew I had to get up, but I didn't want to.  My most recent rash of battles were all in vain.  There was no point in fighting anymore; no explanation or reason.  Attacking for the sake of attacking.  I had to feel something - something more than what I've felt for a few months now.

     Something more than guilt and grief.

* * *

Where were you

When everything was falling apart?

All my days

Were spent by the telephone

That never rang

And all I needed was a call

That never came

To the corner of First and Amistad

* * *

"Come now, Colbie.  Where's the spark?"

     Cronus laughed as I pushed myself up to my knees, blinking back sweat and tears.  Or was it blood and tears?  I couldn't tell.  I scrambled to reach my spear, but the Titan stepped on it and shattered it.  He kicked me in the stomach, sending me flying in the opposite direction of the pieces that once were a weapon.  It was truly out of my reach now:  My last chance was gone.

     I moaned and panted; the effort to get to my knees similar to running a marathon.  I had barely enough strength to breathe, but I held Cronus's gaze with my own.  I wanted my so-called king to see how much damage he'd inflicted.

     A hand squeezed my throat, cutting off precious oxygen.  His blood-colored irises danced with anticipation and rage ... and victory?  We both knew I wasn't going to win.

     "Given up so soon, my queen?" Cronus questioned, his lips grazing my ear.  I shuddered and tried to break out of his grasp.  He looked beyond insanity in the streetlights.  "I never thought you'd yield so quickly."

     He was dead wrong about that.  I never gave up during battle.  I gave up long before I went searching for the Titan King.  I gave up when I heard his voice - the voice of the Leader - on the radio.  I gave up when I ran out of the dorm's kitchen, out of the front door.  I gave up when I was looking for my own defeat.

* * *

Lost and insecure

You found me

You found me

Lying on the floor

Surrounded

Surrounded

Why'd you have to wait?

Where were you?

Where were you?

Just a little late

You found me

You found me

* * *

The hand disappeared.  I could breathe again.

     I glared at the god's retreating form, a question half-formed in the back of my aching mind.  Why hadn't he killed me when he had the chance?  It would've ended the hopeless battles.

     And I would see him again.

     I didn't have to ask it out loud.  Cronus chuckled as I screamed in both fury and pain.

     "My dear," he said as he walked away, "you are not dying tonight."  His tone was indifferent.  I was just another mortal life he ruined.  I was just another broken toy he didn't care for anymore.  He didn't care whether or not I lived or died.  All he wanted was a queen out of the deal.  "Mind you, I will kill you one day."

     I could hear it, even if the Titan didn't say it.  When you become useless was obvious in his statement.  With what little strength I had, I got to my feet.  If my knees had a voice, I was sure they'd scream.  I felt like I'd walked bare-foot through a lake of molten rock.

     I took an unsteady step toward Cronus, almost falling over in the process.

     The next words out of my mouth were almost predictable, even by my standards.

     "Kill me," I uttered.

* * *

In the end

Everyone ends up alone

Losing her

The only one who's ever known

Who I am

Who I'm not and who I wanna be

No way to know

How long she will be next to me

* * *

"No."

     "Why?"

     He laughed at my dismay.  "Why?" he repeated.  He shook his head in mock exasperation.  "It's no fun killing you when you're halfway there anyway."

     I watched what he would do next.  He seemed to be getting taller, but it turned out I was slipping back toward the ground.  Cronus winked at me and walked away.  I didn't have the strength to chase after him for Round Two.  My spear and dagger were already broken, and both were too far away.

     The saddest fact of the matter was Cronus was right.  I was already worn.  A last ditch effort from him saved my life, but through it into chaos.  I lost more than the will to fight ever since that fateful day, and I didn't dare remember why.

     To crawl to the remains of my weapons, I decided, would be less painful, so I did.

     My hands were quickly covered in scrapes and dirt.  They hurt by the time I reached for a new grip on the ground.  My torso felt like sandpaper against the ground.  I pushed on, though, and the cool, shattered celestial bronze shaft found its way into my hands.

     The rest of the gang said I'd move on from losing him.

     I disagreed.

* * *

Lost and insecure

You found me

You found me

Lying on the floor

Surrounded

Surrounded

Why'd you have to wait?

Where were you?

Where were you?

Just a little late

You found me

You found me

* * *

The memories from that day were glued in the back of my mind, and were the center of my dreams.  Whenever I closed my eyes for rest, I'd see the events play out again.

     I'd see us oppose Cronus, a typical routine.  He would race past Atlanta and Archie, shove JD and Herry out of the way, yell at Neil direct orders, and help with Odie's brainwork and encourage Theresa.  He'd call to me; scream words of warning when Cronus would get too close to fatally injuring me.  When he took that blow for me, it was obvious he was in pain, but it was hard to see who was suffering more; me or him.

     Dammit, Jay, I'd yelled, fight!

* * *

Early morning

The city breaks

And I've been calling

For years and years and years and years

And you never left me no messages

You never send me no letters

You got some kind of nerve

Taking all our love

* * *

"I can't, Colbie.  Just know I'll always love you."

     I couldn't think about it without breaking.

     But I carried it with me.  He'd seen what Cronus was trying to offer me; what the Titan tried to do.  I stood against it.  He stood beside me.  I never was the girl that believed in love at first sight.  The first time I saw him, however, I knew he was the one the Siren's sang about.

     That was my downfall, and, ultimately, his death.

     Destiny was a terrifying thing.  Many tried to control it, while others went with it.  My ancestor was one of those control freaks.  He'd swallowed Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon in an attempt to prevent fate.

     Jay, on the other hand, was different.  He rolled with his fate.

     It was prophesized Jay would die to save me.  We'd both known, at some point, someone would let their guard down.  Someone would leave this world.  Even as destiny spun out of his hands, even in death, he'd dealt the cards that threw a wrench in Cronus's plans.  Cronus had no sway over me, and I dared to go as far to say he was defeated.

     Only thing is: Cronus wasn't the only one beat.

* * *

Lost and insecure

You found me

You found me

Lying on the floor

Where were you?

Where were you?

Lost and insecure

You found me

You found me

Lying on the floor

Surrounded

Surrounded

Why'd you have to wait?

Where were you?

Where were you?

Just a little late

You found me

You found me

* * *

Broken beyond repair.

     Theresa later described me in a whispered conversation with Atlanta, JD, and Odie as broken; the way I clung to his lifeless body.  It was the first time I lost someone that close to me, and I decided then and there it would be the last time.

     I'd stayed in that alleyway for hours that melted into the grey eternity I loathed.  Even after Hera gently pried me away from him and teleported me back to Olympus High, the shreds of my heart stayed in that alleyway.

     I tried to find a state of numbness as Bella had in New Moon.  The others healed.  The rest of the team grieved, too, but none of them lost what I had.

     I lost my first and only love.

* * *

Why'd you have to wait

To find me?

To find me ...

* * *

I lost track of the events that occurred directly after picking up my spear.  I probably passed out or I was too engulfed in grief to pay attention.

     Either way, I woke in Chiron's study.

     "You okay?" Atlanta asked.

     "The way Chiron put it, you'd be heading to the Underworld," JD continued.

     "I'll be fine," I snarled.

     "You sure?" Archie questioned.

     "After a few weeks, she'll be okay," a voice I knew all too well answered.  I looked around the room, searching for an exit.

     That voice was the reason I'd bolted in the first place.

* * *

I feel like the flowers in this vase

He just brought them home one day:

"Ain't they beautiful?" he said

They've been here in the kitchen and the water's turning grey

They're sitting in the vase, but now they're dead

Dead flowers

* * *

It didn't make any sense.  How could he be alive?  It had to be an elaborate joke someone pulled on me, just to make me feel a little more guiltier than I should.

     But he was standing with the others in rough shape.  On crutches.  Bandaged like a misfortunate kid that couldn't keep out of dangerous situations.  Grinning like a fool.  Dark brown eyes joyous, but concerned and careful.

     He was supposed to be in Elysian Fields.  Not here.

     I bolted, and he chased after me as best he could on crutches.

     "Colbie, wait!" he yelled.

* * *

I feel like this long string of lights

They lit up our whole house on Christmas Day

Now it's January and the bulbs have all burned out

But still they hang

Like dead flowers

* * *

"Why should I?" I called back.  "Why, when you died?"

     That must have made him stop in his tracks.  I let the anger, the sadness, and the guilt go in that statement.

     I ran to the dorm, to my room, and locked the door.  There was no way I was letting him back into my life with ease.  It was already too much.

     I chucked my pendant key off my balcony.  I couldn't be a hero anymore.

     I couldn't be the so-called "alpha female" the others looked to.

* * *

He ain't feeling anything

My love, my hurt, or the sting of this rain

And I'm living in a hurricane

All he can say is, "Man, ain't it such a nice day?"

Yeah

* * *

I was done, finished with it.  Someone else could take my prophecy.  I had enough of it.

     Maybe he is still alive, my naïve conscious argued.  For all you know, he could've faked it and took off on a quest.

     He died, sanity reasoned.  There's no way he could've faked losing that much blood.

     I curled up on my bed, hugging my Pikachu plush.  I knew lines between fiction and reality were blurred, but Jay coming back to life was a whole other level of it.

     "What do you think, Pikachu?" I murmured to my toy.  "Do you think it's possible with him coming back?"

* * *

I feel like the tires on this car

You said they won't go far, but we're still rolling

I look in the rearview and I see dead flowers in the yard

And that string of lights and it ain't glowing

Like dead flowers

Like dead flowers

* * *

As expected, Pikachu didn't reply.  It just kept smiling at the air.

     Nothing seemed to keep me sane anymore.  I needed something real, something more than a stuffed Pikachu.  Something more than fighting evil gods, and talking to other immortals.

     Theresa often asked me when was the last time I had fun.  Now, I wonder that, too.  The last time I'd been out was at a Pokémon convention.

     I liked Pokémon, all right?  I still do.  Don't see what's wrong with it.

     A knock came at my door.  "Colbie, I know you're in there," Jay's voice called.

     "I don't want to talk to you," I grumbled into the soft yellow cotton of my Pikachu.

     "I could get Herry to break the door for me," he threatened.  "I know you too well, already.  I figured you would lock it."

     "And why would you break it?  You know full well how much I value it."

     "To talk to you?  To explain what really happened?"

     "I lost you.  End of story."

     "Let me in.  I just want a conversation."

     That hit me harder than a rock going a zillion miles per hour.

* * *

He ain't feeling anything

My love, my hurt, or the sting of this rain

I'm driving through a hurricane

All he can say is, "Man, ain't it such a nice day?"

Hey, I guess it'll just go to waste

Like dead flowers

* * *

"Let me in.  Just give me five minutes of your time.  After that, I'll walk away ..."  I guess it was a hard thing for him to come to terms with.  "... And I'll be gone.  You won't have to worry about me anymore."

     I hugged Pikachu tighter than I'd ever hugged it before.  "You think it'll be that easy?"

     "Let me in, and you'll find out."

     I heaved an unsteady sigh, and unlocked the door with Pikachu in my arms.  It opened, and he was there, crutches and all.

     I threw my arms around him.  I was a sobbing mess with a toy squished against the back of his neck.  He seemed a little surprised, but he hugged me back.

     "I missed you, too," he murmured.

* * *

Like dead flowers

Dead flowers

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