Hello my loves how are you? I'm sorry I haven't update recently but guess what I'm uploading rite now duh! Haha we. Hope you enjoy this chapter. It is somewhat intense. It does involve the subject of self harming so if any of you are dealing with that or have dealt with it and are sensitive with the subject please please be careful with reading this chapter. This was more of an emotional chapter so anyway enjoy my loves.
Ahhhhhh! Holy fuck I'm going in a date with ASHTON FUCKING IRWIN!! Holy fuck.
It was finally Saturday. I've been waiting for this day for the whole week and it's finally here. Ahh I'm so excited. I never imagined I'd be going on a date with Ashton Irwin.
He's so sweet. For the whole week he's walked me from class to class and he would even take my backpack of my shoulders and he'd carry it for me. I'd tell him that i could carry it my self but no he wouldn't listen to me.
I got a couple of dirty looks from girls but I could really care less. It's as if Ashton couldn't care less bout what other girls thought. As if I was the only girl he could see and honestly I couldn't be happier if that's the truth. Witch Im pretty sure it is.
I'm just ahh I'm so fucking happy that I'm going on a date with him.
I got out of bed and looked at the clock. 12:22 I sighed and went to the bathroom. I decide to shower. Since I like taking a 30 hour shower.
I pulled my shirt and pajama pants off. The minute my eyes laid on the mirror and my reflection stared back at me. i regretted it. Tears burned at the brim of my eyes threatening to flow down my face. How it is possible for someone to have this on their body. How did it get this far.
I hate my body. I hate it. How can anyone ever love this. How can they love me? What if Ashton if found out? I doubt anyone will ever love me like this.
I stared at the scars on my stomach I tilted my head and I just dropped to the ground, the tears streaming down my face. I laid my hand over my stomach and just cried. I ran my finger over each scar closing my eyes and feeling every inch of my body.
I remember when I took my paint brush and painted my canvas. I opened my eyes and looked down at my thighs, the scars on my thighs stared back at me. I cried harder the tears running down my cheeks I remember painting these too. I slid my hand down my stomach and onto my thighs taking my finger and running it over every scar that stared at me. I remember every story behind each scar.
After a few minutes of sitting on the floor with no more tears left in me my phone started vibrating. I didn't bother looking at it or even grabbing it. I just got up and turned the shower on letting it warm up a bit.
I turned back around and looked back at my reflection. This time I didn't even bother stopping the tears I just let them fall.
I couldn't sleep last night. It was just impossible to sleep with the thought of me taking Nevaeh out in a date. And the fact that she said yes made me a thousand times happier then I already was.
I jumped out of bed and decided in taking a shower. It was like 1 o'clock already. Fucking excited. I grabbed my toothbrush and ran it under the water for like a second or two brushing my teeth, I rinsed my mouth. I splashed water over my face.
I turned to grab my towel from the counter but the minute I did, I instantly regretted it. They started back at me. My past started back at me. I looked down at my wrist. No one was ever going to love this. No one would ever want me like this. Not even Nevaeh would love me like this.
I stared back at my body and just let the tears fall. I quickly turned around not wanting to see it anymore and just turned the shower on and jumped in with the cold water letting it numb my body up.
So what did you guys think. Was it to much? I don't think you guys expected this did you? Well I hope you guys like it. I love you my loves.