When there are so many others...

"You don't know what it's like." I said while tears started to make there way to me eyes. "What?" He asked a bit annoyed and frustrated. "You don't understand!" I announced raising my voice a bit. "Well then would you like to explain it to me?" He said calming his voice. "When you have all these thoughts it's like... you can't just...." I stood there thinking of how i wanted to say this. He walked right in front of me and held my hand. "What is it that I don't understand?" "The only way I can think of putting it is like... it's like your hanging off of a skyscraper....."


5. Room 38

Jordan's POV

I woke up that dreadful Monday morning turning my alarm-clock off, with a massive head-ache. I pondered for a moment to think of why my head hurt so much, but then I remembered I cried all night because Niall left yesterday. Once the memory flooded my brain, I buried my face in my pillow about to cry all over again. I soon remembered it was Monday and that I had school, so I sate up in my bed and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and jumped at the surprising sound of my ring tone. I picked up the phone and answered it, not even caring to see who was calling me that early in the morning.

"Hello?" I said in a groggy morning voice.

"Hey baby sis, hope I didn't wake you up." Niall's voice spoke though the phone. A smile lit up my face as I heard him talking to me.

"Oh, hey. No you didn't wake me up. It's good to here your voice again." I said.

"It's good to here your too. I called to let you know that I'm here in L.A."

"Oh, well, that's good."

"How have you been?" He asked me, I swallowed hard, knowing I couldn't tell him I literally cried myself to sleep last night.

"Um.... fine. I've been fine."

"Good, I'm glad to know your ok. I spent the whole plain ride thinking about you, I was a bit worried."

"Niall, you don't need to worry about me, I'm 16. I think I can manage taking care of myself for a few months."

"I know but I've never left you by yourself for so long. I can't help but worry a little, your my baby sister."

"The last thing you need to focus on right now is me, you need to keep your thoughts on the competition. Think about what songs your going to sing, if your going to play your guitar, what can you do to improve. Things like that need to be on your mind."

"I know but-"

"But nothing, I don't want to be the thing that stands in you way. I want to support you, help you reach your goals. I can't do that while your worrying if I brushed my teeth or not." He laughed at my comment and made me smile again.

"Well as long as you update me daily on how things are, and called me at least once a week, I promise I wont call you unless it's an emergency. Ok?"

"Ok. I have to go now, so I can get ready for school."

"Alright Ill let you go. I love you."

"Love you too." I hung up the phone and set it on my bedside table. I then walked into my bathroom and turned the shower on. I undressed and stepped into the warm shower. I stood under the warm water and let it slide down my skin, I let it slip through my hair as I breathed in the steam. I felt a bit more relaxed as the water continued to flow. I then realized I couldn't stand there all day so I put some shampoo in my hair. I rinsed it out and put in the conditioner and washed my body. I then stood under the water again and let it flow over me. I soon go out and wrapped myself in a towel.

Once I was dressed, I made my way downstairs and got some breakfast. I then looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:20. 'I was in the shower way to long.' I thought. I grabbed a muffin off the counter, and ran out the door. The bus had already left so I was running to school. I raced down the rode and twenty minutes later, I was at school. As I ran through the doors, I bumped right into Justin and I fell to the floor.

"Oh, sorry, um.... let me help you." He said. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"Thanks." That was all I said right before I started to walked away. My arm was then pulled on, making me stumble and trip over my own two feet. Justin had pulled me back to him, with my back against his chest. "What are you doing Justin?"

"I just wanted to talk to you about next weekend, you know, see if you have any plans?" He said. I rolled my eyes and tried to free myself form his grip, but he had his arms around me tight.

"Please let go of me."

"Not until you answer the question."

"No, I don't have plans, nor do I plan to have plans." I said while yanking my arms away from him. I rubbed where he had been holding onto me, he held it so tight it turned red.

"Just, think about it ok?"

"I've thought about it a million times, I don't want to hook up with you." I said raising my voice a bit.

"Why, why won't you?"

"Because maybe, unlike every other girl that goes to this school, I have self respect and find it disturbing. And I don't really find you appealing or attractive in any kind of sexual way." Once I heard the words that came out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. He then grabbed both of my shoulders and shoved me up against the lockers. I hit my head kinda hard and felt a sharp pain run through it. He put his face close to mine as he began to talk.

"Don't you ever say that to me again. It's one thing to turn me down, but don't you even insult me. I swear to god, If you ever say anything like that again, I just might have to do something about it. Or, maybe I should just tell Bella about this conversation, think that's a good idea? I think that would be a great idea." He said with a smirk on his face. I shook my head.

"No, please..."

"Then don't insult me. If you can just simply keep your mouth shut, I can do the same, got it?" I nodded my head with out making a sound. He gave me another smirk that said 'Ha-ha, I'm better than you.' He then walked down the hall to where ever it was that he was going. I looked at my shoulders, they too had red marks along with my wrist he held so tightly when he had me wrapped in his arms. I walked into the front office to check myself in and get a pass to class.

"Um... excuse me." I said in a whispered voice. The lady looked up not really paying much mind to me. She just pointed to a clipboard on the counter and said 'Sign it'. I did as I was told and put the clipboard down. She very quickly wrote me a pass and shooed me away.

I walked down the hall, on my way to first period, even thought there was only ten minutes left in class. Before I went to first, I stopped at my locker to collect the binders and notebooks I needed. I soon was back on my way to first as I walked up the stairs to the lovely class of history. Note the sarcasm. I knocked on the door and the teacher opened it moments later for me to come in. I handed him my pass and walked in the room, taking my seat. I took out my notebook and started to copy down the notes on the board.

All of a sudden, something hit the back of my head. I turned around to see Bella, she had a smile on her face as she giggled to herself and pointed to the floor. My gaze then fell to the floor where she was pointing. It was a piece of paper crumbled up into a ball. I picked it up and opened it, only to find that it was only insults written on the paper such as 'slut' 'whore' 'bitch' 'fag'. I rolled my eyes and then crumbled it back up and tossed it away. She then looked at me with a confused look and picked up the paper. She handed it back to me with a new smile on her face.

"Oh here, you must have dropped your list of reasons to kill yourself." She whispered in my ear, as she held back laughter. I rolled my eyes and swatted her hand that held the paper away from me. She then pulled my hair really hard. "Don't shove things away when I give them to you." She demanded.

I swear, her and Justin act like they own me, or like they are my parents or something. They always seem to order me around. 'Look at me when I talk to you.' 'Don't insult me.' 'Don't shove things away when I hand them to you.' Even thought what I said to Justin was a bit rude, he still shouldn't have reacted the way he did. Because of him, I now have three red marks that wont seem to disappear.

"Excuse you slut, did you hear me?" I looked around the room and then back at Bella.

"Oh sorry were you talking to me?" I asked.

"Um yes, whore bag. Who else would I be taking to?"

"Oh, well when you said slut I wasn't sure if you were just talking to yourself out louder or something." She gave me an evil glare and started to say something when the teacher cut her off.

"I'm sorry Miss Evans, was my teaching getting in the way of your conversation?" He asked her.

"Um... no-"

"That's what I thought, so.... shut up." He whispered the last part. Bella's face turned red and she sunk a little in her chair. A smile was planted on my face and when she noticed, she gave me another look that could have killed me. The bell finally rang and I picked up my stuff and hurried out of the class room and down the stairs. I started to walk to my English class, when someone took me by the arm and spun me around. I expected to see Justin or Bella, instead it was some kid I had never seen before. He was cute though, short brown hair, sparkling blue eyes. 

"Excuse me, but um, could you show me to room.... 38?" He asked, I nodded my head.

"Yea, sure. Um, I'm Jordan."

"I'm Alex." He said walking down the hall with me.

"I see that your a new student." I said stating the obvious.

"Really, how did you know?" He asked me and I laughed a bit.

"Can I see your schedule?" He handed me the paper and I went through my schedule in my head. " We have math, history, and science together." I said in a cheerful tone with a smile. He smiled back.

"That's great."

"So I see your headed to Spanish with... Mr. Lane."

"Ya, it seems so, is he a good teacher?"

"He's alright, I had him last year for Spanish one and he did alright." We arrived at the classroom and he walked in and said bye to me. As I walked down the hall to my second period, I felt a strange feeling in my stomach. It was a good feeling though, like a few butterflies were flying around in my stomach. It was weird, I knew that's how people felt when they got a crush, but why would I have a crush? I had only just met Alex and there weren't any guys at the school I was looking to be in a relationship with. Did I have a crush on Alex? I pondered on that thought as I entered English class, not caring I was a minute or so late. I took my seat in deep thought, wondering 'What the hell is this feeling?'

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