When there are so many others...

"You don't know what it's like." I said while tears started to make there way to me eyes. "What?" He asked a bit annoyed and frustrated. "You don't understand!" I announced raising my voice a bit. "Well then would you like to explain it to me?" He said calming his voice. "When you have all these thoughts it's like... you can't just...." I stood there thinking of how i wanted to say this. He walked right in front of me and held my hand. "What is it that I don't understand?" "The only way I can think of putting it is like... it's like your hanging off of a skyscraper....."

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9. Help me

Jordan's POV

It was Wednesday morning and I woke up to the horrid sound of my alarm clock going off at six o'clock in the morning. I turned it off and forced myself to get out of bed. I got ready for school and for the first time this week, made it on the bus. As I walked onto the bus Justin did as well. I felt really uncomfortable around him, especially since the little scene that occurred last night. I took my seat and Justin did the same in the seat next to me. I gave him a look that said 'What the hell are you doing?'. If he sat next to me and not Bella, I would be in massive trouble. I nudged him to get up but he still didn't get the hint.

"Justin, what the hell are you doing?"

"What? I can't sit next to my friend?"

"No, not when your crazy girlfriend is right there. You know she'll beat the shit out of me if you sit with me."

"Ex girlfriend."

"Ex girlfriend? When did you two break up?"

"Last night while you were past out in my bed."

"I still don't think it's a good idea for you to sit with me."

"I'm taking a little chance in life."

"In my life? I'm the one who's gonna get punished!" I whisper/ yelled at him.

"Ha, your funny Horan."

"Funny? How is this funny? Please, move before-" At that point I was interrupted by Bella.

"Oh, hello. So.... what do we have here? Someone still trying to take Justin away from me?"

"What? I'm not doing anything other than trying to get him to not sit next to me!"

"Ya, I'm sure of it. Justin, why don't you move over there for a moment while I have a little chat with Jordan?" Justin quickly moved out of Bella's way so she could sit next to me. She slipped into the seat and lowered her voice so no one could hear our conversation. "And just what were you trying to accomplish here? Do you really think you can take him form me? Just because we broke up last night does not mean you can just swoop in and steel him. He is still mine whether you like it or not."

"First of all if you guys broke up then anyone can date him. Second, I wouldn't dream of taking him."

"Ha, you are such a fucking liar!" She said to me in such a fake preppy voice.

"No I'm not. Don't you get it? I don't want to date Justin!"

"Ya, that's why you broke us up!"

"I did not break you two up, and you don't know who I like and don't like! But I'll gladly tell you, read my lips, I. don't. like. Justin!" Then she smacked me across the face.

"I know exactly who you like, which is why I'm going to show you what it feels like to have them taken from you. Watch you back, Horan." The bus came to a stop in front of the school and everyone started to pile off of the bus. I finally made my way off and into the school. I walked to my locker and opened it, I grabbed all the books and binders that I needed and closed it. I turned around to find Alex standing right behind me.

"Oh God, you scared me."

"Sorry, so uh, would you care to tell me why you couldn't hangout with me yesterday?"

"Oh, well, you see, Justin told me to-"

"Justin? Since when do you hangout with him."

"Yesterday, he forced me to hangout with him at his place. I felt kinda bad for him so I somewhat agreed."

"Ok, well, are you going to be hanging out with him a lot?"

"I hope not, he scared the hell out of me yesterday. We watched a movie and when it was over I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. He tried to keep me there and I ended up hitting my head and passing out."

"Oh my God, he did that to you?"

"Ya kinda."

"He's a fucking jerk, I'll beat him up if you want me to."

"No, Alex, It's ok now, really."

"No it's not, he tried to hold you hostage and while you tried to get away, you hit your head and passed out!"

"But it's over and done with, the last thing I need right now is for you to beat him up."

"Why?"

"Because if you beat up Justin, Bella is gonna blame me for him getting hurt, and then she'll probably come after me." The bell rang and Alex and I headed off to first period, we then took our seats and waited for class to start. Just as I sat down Bella entered the classroom and decided to sit right behind Alex, who was right next to me. She started to play with his hair and the collar of his shirt, but then Alex turned around and gave her a weird look.

"Can I help you?"

"Oh, hey Alex, I didn't see you there."

"Uh, ok?" Alex turned back around and glanced over at me. He mouthed 'What the hell is she doing?' 'I have no idea, maybe if you ignore her she'll stop.' I mouthed back. But she did quit the opposite, she continued to play with his hair and shirt until he turned around again.

"Can you not touch me?"

"Oh sorry, is that bothering you?"

"Um yes."

"Sorry Alex, it's just, your hair is soooo soft, and your shirt just turns me on. I can't help but touch them."

"Um, thank you?" He turned back around and gave me another look. 'I'm sorry.' I mouthed to him. The bell rang and our teacher started the lesson.

"Alright class, please get out your notebooks so we can take some notes. You will need to study the notes you take today for the quiz on Friday. The quiz will be on everything we cover this week, but there will only be ten questions so make sure to mostly study the the things that are underlined in the notes." He continued talking about the quiz until he got the power point up for our notes. As all of this was happening, Bella decided to mess with Alex even more. She started to touch the back of his neck and stroked it like it was an animal. Alex's eyes grew wide and he leaned forward in his chair a bit, but that didn't stop Bella. She continued this until he finally just swatted her hand away. Alex relaxed in his seat a bit and copied down the notes on the board.

I looked over at him and he looked at me. 'Help me!' he mouthed. I took a piece of paper out of my notebook and wrote something on it, then I threw it in Bella's direction. She opened it and read it, I guess she really didn't like what I wrote because she stuck her middle finger up scribbled something on the paper. She then tossed it back to me and I opened it and read it. I first wrote to her 'What the fuck are you doing?' she then wrote back 'Fuck you, I told you this morning I was gonna show you what it felt like to have the person you like taken away from you.' I laughed a bit at what she wrote, there was no way what she was doing was going to get Alex to go out with her.

Alex was leaning back in his chair when Bella decided to lean forward and start licking his neck. Alex shot forward in his chair, but no one seemed to notice. The teacher then left the room to go get the work sheet for today and as soon as he was out of sight, Bella lepta out of her chair and onto her desk so she could reach Alex. She stared to suck the back of his neck and would not get off. 'This reminds me of last night.' I thought to myself as I shivered. I then pulled Bella off of Alex, and as soon as she was off of him, she attacked me. She smacked me in the face and then pushed me over. I stumbled over some desks and then came in contact with the floor.

Alex raced to my side to help me up as Bella tried to jump on top of me. Bella was the one who was successful in that battle because I stayed on the floor with Bella crushing my stomach. She smacked me a few more times as I pulled her hair and punched her in the face. Alex then pushed her off of me as I gave her another punch in the eye. By now the whole class was crowded around us, chanting for there favorite competitor. As I tried to stand up, Bella tool hold of one of my legs and pulled me back down, but I ended up landing on her. I gave her one more smack and then got off of her and back to my seat. Everyone else followed and sat down, the teacher came back in just as Bella was walking back to her seat.

"Miss Evens, what are you doing out of your seat?"

"I-I uh..."

"Please take your seat or go to the principals office. You know your not suppose to be wandering around the room with out a teacher in the room." She stood there for a second and thought about what she was gonna do, I guess she didn't like either of the two choices because she started yelling at the teacher.

"You know what, no! I'm not going to take my seat or go to the principals office! I don't give a damn about this class, this school, these people!"

"Miss Evens, go to the office NOW!"

"I don't think I will, you can't control me! Your not my father, or mother, or guardian, or anyone who has authority over me!"

"Teachers have authority over students in school. Now Miss Evens, please report to the principals office!"

"Fuck you, I'm going home!" She walked right out of the classroom and probably out of the building. I was a bit revealed, since she was gone I wouldn't have to put up with her the rest of the day. The rest of first period went on and the bell rang for us too go to our next class. Everyone go up and out of the small history classroom, I waited outside for Alex. When he walked out we walked to our lockers together.

"So, uh, have any idea what all that was about?"

"What? Bella?" I asked him, he nodded his head as we continued to walk down the crowded hallway. "This morning on the bus Justin decided to sit down next to me-"

"Oh lovely." Alex said in a very unhappy tone.

"Wasn't it thought, anyway, Bella of course wasn't happy with this either. So she made up this whole thing, which she and I both know isn't true, that I'm trying to steel Justin away from her and that I broke them up. So she said she was gonna show me what it feels like to have the person I like taken away from me." I put my hand over my mouth and my eyes grew wide. 'Did I really just say that?'

"Wait, you like me?" Alex asked with a smile.

"Uh, well, I think she just kinda meant, you know, see what it's like to have someone I care about taken away from me. You know, you being my only friend and all..." 'Nice save.' I thought to myself in a sarcastic voice.

"Oh, um, ya, um.... I-I get it." Alex said with a red face. 'Why was hid face red? Did he want me to like him? Did he like me?' I smiled at the thought of him liking me. I guess that was a bit of a possibility, I mean, no one has ever had a crush on me, other that Justin. But it would be kinda nice for someone who hasn't slept with the entire female population of the school to like me. " Well, um I gotta get to Spanish, so I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Ok, see ya later." I walked off to my second period class, when I was pulled into the girls bathroom. A hand was put over my mouth as the person who grabbed me kicked the door shut to the entrance of the bathroom. I was then shoved into a wall and smacked in the face. The bell rang meaning I was late for English, but at that point I didn't care, as my face was really red. That was what, that fourth time I've been smacked in the face today? I looked up at Bella, who had a boiling red face and a very mad expression written across it.

"You listen, and you listen now Bitch! I am sick and tired of your bullshit! You continue to try to steel my boyfriend away from me and you are always trying to make me look like a fool and bitch in front of the teachers!"

"I'm just trying to let them see the real you, you don't have to put that fake personalitly in front of them you know. They wont judge you."

"Is this a fucking joke to you? Is all of this fucking funny?"

"No not exact-" I was cut off by her smacking me in the face. This time it was my turn to yell and be fed up with her. " Ok, stop with the fucking smacking me in the face! It's not ok! It's also not ok for you to bully me! I am so tired of you making fun of me and hurting me physically and emotionally! Is that a joke to you?!"

"Well, yes, my friends and I think it's quite funny, actually." I was really mad at her so I just gave her a piece of her own medicine and smack her in the face. And it felt fantastic. We then continued to smack and punch and kick each other until I finally had enough and just threw her against the wall.

"I'm fucking done!" I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt terrible, hell, I looked terrible. I was tired and didn't feel well at all after all of that. I decided to just go home so I checked myself out and walked home, not that I had much strength to do that. As I was walking I noticed something. 'Ever since Niall has been gone, I haven't been in school as much. I'm always late or leaving early.' Niall kept me going really and now he's not here so I guess I'm still adjusting to the whole being alone thing. Not that I'm not that new to it, I mean I do it at school why not at home?

I finally arrived home and felt absolutely awful, physically and emotionally. I mean Bella doesn't know when to fucking stop! She always beats me up and puts me down, but.... maybe she's right. Maybe I am a waste of space, a bitch, a fag, a terrible excise for a human being. I mean, if she just continues to bully me after so long, then maybe it's a sign. Maybe I should listen to her and... end it. I couldn't help but start to think she was right, the only person on this earth that barely even cares about me is Niall and he's gone, so what could it hurt to try.

I haven't done anything like that in a long time, I actually kinda missed it. It gave me a way to let go of stress, it gave me something I could control. I couldn't control the pain Bella and Justin gave me, but I could control the pain I gave myself. I could make it worse than the pain they gave me so that it wouldn't seem so bad, I could make it easier on myself so that I would have something easier to come home to. I know it's no the best way to deal with things, but it was my way, and  my way was one of the only way at that point. I couldn't let Niall find out that I wasn't happy, so I couldn't tell him anything. So that ruled out talking to some one since Niall was the only one who cared anymore. Standing up for myself seemed to not be working either cause every time I opened my mouth to talk to Justin or Bella, I got even more hurt. I tried to ignore them, but that only pushed them to do it more, so I turned to cutting. It seemed to be the only thing that helped at the time.

I walked upstairs to my room and pulled out  little box. I haven't used it since Niall almost cought me one time and I told myself I couldn't risk him finding out. But now, Niall isn't here, so he can't find out. I opened it and pulled out the biggest blade I had I set the cool blade on my skin and pressed down. The blood soon arose to my skin, indicating a new cut was formed. I let the blood slip down my arm and a tear roll down my face. All I could think at this point was... 'Help me.'

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