Me and Ava have been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks. Those few weeks have been the best ones of my life because i feel like she really cares. The only thing is that i can't be seen with her. It'll ruin my image. I still see other girls so that nobody will think less of me. Ava hates it when i hang out with girls , i think it makes her feel self conscious but i don't think it's anything serious. We've had arguments of course but we have also had a lot of nice moments when we walked along the beach with waves crashing down and the sand between our toes, when it was dark so that nobody would se us ofcourse. We have also been texting a lot and i quite like it.
I was taking a walk to the park and i noticed that there was a small girl with brown hair looking down at a book. Ava, she is probably the only one who would read a book called " Trapped " It's quite hard to miss her since she looks very intresting. I can see that the other teenage boys in the park had a hard time looking away too.
I wanted to show them who she belongs to so i went up to her and kissed her on the cheek. " Hey princess " i told her and she carefully looked up and when she noticed that it was me she put her book down next to her on the old bench that she was sitting on. I couldn't quite get over her Daisy perfume that smells like flowers , honey and heaven which she always smells like. " Hey Niall " she said and stood up frogetting about the book that was still lying on the bench.
I was looking at her. She's beautiful. Just like stars in the sky at night but i think people forget that just like the moon she has a side of her so dark , that even the stars couldn't shine on , She has a side of her so cold , that even the sun couldn't burn on it. I know the difference when she smiles because she is happy and when she smiles because she feel like she has to , Maybe she feels like she has to prove to everyone that she is happy , when she's clearly not. Maybe she feels like she needs to prove to herself that she is happy , when both Her & I knows the truth.
She looked at me with her beautiful eyes and she looked quite bothered. " Something on your mind darling? " i asked her and she looked at me. " Uh no , i-i'm fine " she told me and i knew better than that. " I can see that something is bothering you " I told her and she looked down at the floor and played with her hair. " No you can't , you don't even know me that well so stop acting like you do " she told me and pushed me away so that i nearly fell to the ground. " Actually for your information i do know you , and maybe i do know you better than you do yourself." i told her and she pushed me again. " You don't " she told me with an evil look in her eyes. " I do , i know that when you smile for real your dimples show , and i know that you play with your hair when you get nervous and your voice gets really high when you talk to someone you don't like. I know that you hate when people chew their food very loud." i told her and she just looked at me.
" No, this it's not fair Niall , i really liked you but you never want to be seen with me and i understand that because i'm ugly and i'll never be that badass girl with tattoos and piercings" She told me and i realized just how wrong i've been all this time. " She said and tears were rolling down her chin. I hate to see her like this. Especially when i am the one who caused it. " I'm so sorry Ava , i-i know that i was wrong , i just wanted to keep my image as the badboy who never dates and i was fucking wrong because i can still be me even with a girlfriend" i yelled and i was almost crying myself which i was not very proud of. I'm lucky that we went outside or everyone would of heard us.
" But you don't want a relationship Niall " she yelled back. " I can't right now , can't you see that i'm broken too? i also need help Ava don't be so selfish" i yelled at her and now she had gone from crying to just being mad , very mad. " Selfish? is that what i am? i have been trying to hint the fact that i like you for a while , i have been up all night just waiting for you to call or text me and i got nothing and i just happen to find that i spill my heart out to anyone who gives me the slightest bit of attention , so stupid of me for thinking that you would actually care " she screamed and people who were at the park were listening to us yelling.
" If i tell you that i need you , do not take it lightly , i need you Ava but i do everything i can to never have to depend on anyone since all they ever do is leave , to never show weakness , and if i say that i need you it means i am trusting you with my life so don't come here saying that i don't care because fuck it can't you see that i really like you? " i yelled back and she was a bit taken back after that and so was everyone else who was pretending not to listen but i know that they were.
She ran. It's almost like she ran away from me , forever. She didn't text me goodnight like she used to with two xx's like she used to every night. Withouth her goodnight message i couldn't sleep. I was worried, what if she was getting stupid ideas because of me? what if she thinks that she's not worth it all?
Let me tell you , she is and will always be my everything , my one and only even if i'll never admit it