I wake up thinking I'm glad it's Friday but then there's so many other thins I'm not glad about. Firstly I haven't spoke to Jake all week, I don't want to go to the neighbours tonight but I feel I won't have a choice. When I get to school I go straight to the common room. I see Jake say with Jerome and someone else. It angers me to see her, Naomi. Then I look around for Cindy. I don't see her but I see Harry. I go straight up to him and grab his arm and pull him outside, eve though the door is the other side of the room. I see people looking at us and Jake looks at me confused. Once we are outside I let him go. 'What the hell do you think you're doing harry!?' I say.
'What do you mean?' He says casually.
'You and Cindy' I say.
'Oh it's just a bit if fun, she's been through a lot, it's good for her to have someone' he says acting like a player. 'Harry she's been through a lot because of you and now you're hooking up! I thought you liked Nikki anyway' I say.
'It wasn't all me and anyway she's happy now. Nikki, I like her and all but she doesn't want me' he says.
'So you're saying Cindy is you're distraction, you're just sleeping with her, you don't care how she feels' I say. He seems hurt by my words, but he knows it's the truth. 'She isn't a distraction. I care about her, I do but...'he says. 'But what?' I say.
'Ella I know you're her friend but don't you think you should be focusing in you're own relationship because we both no that it's fucked up from start to finish' he says. I take a step back. It hurts he would stay something like that but I know it's true. I just don't like to hear him say that. I go to walk back to the common room. He then says 'Ella I didn't mean that I'm sorry' he says.
'You still said it, and your right your completely true' I say. I want to cry I go into the common room and straight past Jake, Jerome, Zoe, Nikki and go into the toilets. I start crying, I can't help it, the tears just keep coming. I want to escape through the window because I don't want to be here. I wait in there until first lesson. Then I go to the two lessons I have that day. At the end if the class I put my folder in my bag and go to leave. When I walk out the room i see Jake waiting for me. 'Hey' I say. He looks up from his phone and makes an awkward smile. 'Hey' he replies 'Shall we walk'. I nod and when we are outside we walk off the college ground and go the way i usually take home. 'Look I'm sorry El' he says.
'I know you are' I say. He smiles slightly.
'I didn't mean what I said and I don't think you're some kind of whore, you're more than that, much more' he says, it's not the best apology but it's good for him. 'So were good?' He asks.
'Yeah we're good' I say and smile.
'Ive got a free period now so I'll walk you home yeah?' He says. I nod. I know how upset I was with him, I know our relationship is on thin strings but when I'm with him, it makes me feel excited and happy. He walks me to my door and then goes back to college. I know I shouldn't have forgiven him so easily, it feels like I haven't forgiven him, maybe we are just not arguing now. I get my work done before my mom gets back at five. Of course she's straight upstairs and in my room. 'Hey' she says.
'You alright' I say.
'Yes. Before I forget I saw Jane this morning and she said people are arriving at six so you better get ready' she says. I've already told her I'm not going so why does she assume I am? 'Im not going mom' I say.
'Are you serious?' She says.
'Yes I am. I don't want to go and I've got work to do' I say and she still doesn't seem to understand. 'Oh whatever then' she says and goes back downstairs, leaving my door wide open as she usually does. It's soon six o'clock and she comes into my room again, I assume to say bye, when she's only going across the street. 'El please come' she says.
'Why? Why do you want me to go so bad?' I ask. 'I don't want to go on my own. All the others will be couples and I'll be on my own. I mean it would be different if you're dad hadn't left but...' She says.
'Ok fine' I say as she's played the dad card. She always makes me feel guilty when she mentions my dad leaving. 'So you'll come?' She says clearly not as upset as she was acting. 'Yes you go I'll come when I'm ready' I say, not very happily considering the situation. 'Thank you I didn't want to be there on my own' she says.
'Why isn't Dylan going anyway?' I ask.
'Oh I said he didn't have to' she says.
'What? Why doesn't he have to go and I do?' I ask raising my voice slightly.
'So I'll see you in an hour then? Ok bye' she says and leaves. I really didn't want to go. Jack annoys me so much. It takes me a while to get dressed. I then find myself deciding what to wear. I don't know what other people will be wearing. I decide on a dark purple play suit with some black patent healed boots. I go to knock the door but it's already open so I make my way in. It's quite loud, I think it's more of a house party than a dinner party. I go through the first door I see. There's people everywhere all with a bottle in their hand. They're mostly adults but there's a few people my age. I can't see my mom. I look round the corner of the room but I see her no where I assume she's in another room. 'You came' I hear him say behind me. Jack. When I turn around I see him smiling. I want to tell him it wasn't that I wanted to come and more that I came out of guilt. 'Yeah' I say. He laughs although I don't know why. 'Come on through' he says. I follow him as there's nothing else for me to do. 'Do you know where my mom is?' I ask. He nods.
'Shes in the other room with a few other parents, I guess you'd rather stay with me' he says annoyingly. 'Sure' I say loud and clear to seem sarcastic, he laughs again and I want to know why he finds everything I say so amusing. We walk through into his kitchen. About eight people our age are crowded in there all with some kind of drink in their hand. I look at one person she stands next to a guy with black hair. It's Nikki. 'What are you doing here?' I ask confused.
'Jack invited me' she says and smiles at him.
'Ok' I say realising it went silent.
'Ella this is Luke, Cole...' He continues telling me everyone's name. Six guys all stare at me and one girl at the end stands talking to Nikki. 'Guys this is Ella' he says. I smile at them to be polite. 'Do you want a drink?' Jack asks. 'Not another alco pop like these two?' One of his friends says pointing at Nikki and the other girl. The boy next to him laughs. I ignore his comment and remember Jack asked me what I wanted. 'Ill just have a beer... Please' I say. He smiles as though he's glad I said that. He opens a bottle and hands it to me. 'Thanks' I say.
I walk over to Nikki. 'Hey' I say.
'Hey El, this is Georgia' she says. I say hello and she seems nice. 'So you're friends with Jack' I say.
'Sort of yeah, I get stuck hanging round with all these lads because I'm with Cole. All the others are single' she says and laughs.
'We can hear you George' one of them says.
'I know' she answers and laughs again.
'Why are all you good looking lads single then?' Nikki asks, she would seem to be drunk but she's not, she generally has that much confidence. I look at them. I suppose they are all good looking. 'They're all players, accept for you baby' she says nodding at her boyfriend. He smiles. 'Oh guys please, Save it for another time' someone else says. I assume Jack is a player as she said that. 'Anyway we could say the same to you. Why are two fit girls like you single?' Another one says and I remember his name was Lewis. 'Im not actually' I say and look away from him. 'Oh god are you and Jake ok now?' Nikki says loud enough for everyone to hear. I don't answer, I don't want to talk about this in front of everyone. 'I was not expecting that! your relationship is practically over' she says and laughs slightly. Everyone is silent. She goes to say something else. 'Nikki shut up' I say and walk out. I go to the first door I see which is to outside. I don't want to be here. I'm so angry, I don't see how Nikki could say that in front of people I don't know.
I don't get much time to think about what she said as two minutes later she joins me outside. She's walking stupidly. Acting like she's drunk when I know she couldn't have had that much to drink. She leaves the door wide open so people can see us. 'Just leave me alone' I say.
'I just want some air' she says lying and then adding a smile at the end to cheer me up. I don't want to be cheered up, I'm annoyed I just want to be on my own. 'What? I touched a nerve?' She's says laughing.
'Just go away' I say.
'Tell me what I've done' she says. It's clear what she's done, she is being a bitch. 'Even though it's clear do you want me to tell you?... Well I don't really appreciate you going on about me and Jake in front of people I don't know, it's my relationship it's non of your business!' I say and she looks like she hasn't been listening. 'Ok... S-sorry' she says and her voice is high and it sounds like she's moaning. I take it back she probably is drunk. 'I was just telling you the honest truth' she says acting defensive. 'Well don't. You know what Nikki I'm always there for you, I actually act like your damn friend, you only care about yourself and next time you can deal with Harry on your own' I say and I start to yell at her towards the end. She just laughs, she didn't listen to anything I've said because she doesn't care. 'You know you're really funny when you're angry' she says.
I walk off, back into the kitchen where everyone stares at me. I take a deep breath, I may seem confident but inside I'm really shy and right now I feel embarrassed. 'You ok?' Jack asks. I appriciate his concern but I just feel like I want to leave. Then I realise I can't. I told my mom I would come and I haven't seen her yet. 'Im fine thank you' I say, being unusually polite to him. 'Im just going to go in the other room' I say.
'Hey wait, I'll come with you' Georgia says. She walks out with me and we stand by the stairs. 'She seems like a bitch' Georgia says.
I laugh at her not even attempting to be quiet. 'She can be when she's drunk, along with over confident, all over guys and acting like she's desperate' I say.
'But she's not like that when she's sober?' She asks. 'No. She just annoys me' I say.
'I agree with you, it's not fair for her to say nasty things like that, especially in front of other people' she says.
'Thank you, you know it's nice to have someone on my side, I've only known you ten minutes and you've acted like more of a friend to me than anyone else recently' I say. She laughs and smiles. 'Its nice to have another girl to talk to when we all meet up. To be honest i get bored listening to guy talk all the time' she says.
'At least you're boyfriend invites you out with him' I say. Jake never asks me to go out with him if it's just him and his guy mates. 'Not being funny but this Jake sounds like a bit of an idiot' she says. I laugh, she's right he is.
'So what's the deal with you and Jack?' She asks. I laugh. 'Nothing were just... Actually we aren't even friends were just neighbours' I say. 'Oh... You seem more than that' she says. I laugh off what she says.
After I go into the other room and find my mom. She seems to be having fun socialising, so I just say hello and then leave her to have fun.
When I go back in the kitchen, there's no one there. I hear laughing outside so i go out. Everyone is there, playing some kind of drinking game. I scan the garden for Nikki and see her on a swing bench with an arm on a guys shoulder. I stand on my own as Georgia is now sat with her boyfriend and I don't want to be a third wheel.
Before I know it Jack comes up to me. I notice he is slightly drunk as his steps are uncoordinated.
'Hey again' he says.
'Whats the matter with Ella then?' He says. Even though he's being annoying, I can't help but laugh. 'Im fine now' I say.
'Why are you so... So... Like defensive about talking to me?' he says and he sounds like he has never used that word in a sentence before now. 'How am I?' I ask.
'Like... You are really short with me considering that when we first met... You couldn't take your eyes of me' he says. Although he's drunk, he is still his confident self and it's as though he's in some way flirting. He can't flirt with me, I'm with Jake. Then I start to think, am I really with Jake? We are always falling out. 'I don't know what you're talking about' I say In Response to his comment.
'You do, I know you do and anyway it doesn't matter because I couldn't take my eyes off of you either' he says and pulls a face that again suggests flirting.
I can't help it, but when he is like this I tell my self he's annoying and he is an irritating person, when really I get nervous when he is like this. I may seem confident in front of him, but inside I get butterflies in my stomach.
I need to stop thinking about this, maybe it's the alcohol that's making me feel this way. Then I realise it can't be as I've only had one beer which I haven't even finished yet.
He's still standing by me, looking at me. I haven't said anything since, as I've been too busy dwelling on my thoughts of him. It's all stupid as I've only known him two weeks but it feels like it's been longer. Maybe he isn't as annoying as he was.
'You don't have a drink... I'll get you a... Beer?' He says.
'Yeah sure, please' I say and smile. It's the only real smile I've given him as usually I try and be sarcastic with him.
I talk to some of his friends. They all seem nice. They aren't like my friends, they are laid back like Jack, they don't have dramas going on, they are just chilled. The only one I don't talk to is Lewis, he is the guy that Nikki is sat with. Although Nikki has annoyed me to the limit, I want to make sure she doesn't choose the wrong person to flirt with.
After a couple of hours have gone. People start to leave. I assume some of Jack's friends are staying over as they must live far away. I feel like one of the only sober ones there. Nikki is still drunk and I haven't spoken to her since our little argument earlier. She leaves on her own, thankfully she didn't get with any of Jack's friends. I decide to leave. I'm unsure whether my mom is still here or not, but it's not like we have to leave together.
'You aren't leaving are you?' Jack says.
'Yeah it's getting late' I say.
'You know we should go out some time, I don't really know the area, where do you suggest?' He says and I can tell he's still a little drunk. 'We will see. Bye Jack' I say, laughing.
I shouldn't have said that, I should have said no. Even If I do go somewhere with him, I can't tell anyone, if Jake found out, I hate to think what he would say or do. I can't help wondering why I'm still with Jake, my friends always give me a list of reasons of why I shouldn't stay with him:
1. He is possessive.
2. Before me he was clearly a player.
3. Is he still a player? (Basically my friends hinting that he may have cheated on me)
4. He treats me unfairly.
5. He flirts with girls in front of me.
6. He's always out with his friends and not me.
7. He forgot to buy me a birthday present last year, but still showed up at the party.
8. Many more reasons I can't remember.
I don't know whether I agree with what my friends think. I can't help wondering what they would think if Jack was my boyfriend. Would they give me another list of reasons why I shouldn't be with him? Something tells me they wouldn't.
I never question Zoe on Jerome, but there's nothing to question. They are perfect for each other and he treats her the way she should be treated. If only Jake were more like him.