Twisted Feelings

Ella always finds herself sorting out her friends problems. There's always some kind of drama going on. It's not just her friends with all the drama as she and her boyfriend Jake have a very weak relationship. They are always falling out and then making up, but he doesn't treat her the way she should be treated. Things change when Jack arrives and happens to be her new neighbour, as much as she finds Jack annoying she soon gets closer to him. But what will her friends think about it.


9. Guilt

The next few weeks go by quickly. I haven't had anymore arguments with Jake but I have hardly seen him. Anyone would think we weren't together. I've seen Jack a few times, a lot of times actually. I always see him at college and he's in one of my lessons. I see him in the mornings sometimes before college but it's just a brief ''hello''. My mom is going out on Saturday to a bar with some friends and she asked Jack's mom to go. I want to see Jack, I don't know why.

It's been a couple of hours since I got home from college. I don't think about what I'm doing before I realise that i am walking up to the path to Jack's front door. I knock and nervously wait. I don't know why I'm nervous, but it's a sort of happy and excited nervous. The door finally answers and my excitement goes down slightly as I see his brother Tommy standing in the doorway.

'Hello Ella' he says.

'Hey... Tommy... Is...' I begin to ask if Jack's here before he says 'Jack? He's just in the shower' he says.

'Oh right ok then' I say thinking I should leave. 'You can come in and wait for him?' He suggests.

'Actually could you just tell him I stopped by' I say and he smiles and says he will tell him.

'Thank you, bye Tommy' I say.

I wish Jack could have answered the door. I don't even know what I was going to say to him.

After an hour or so I'm conscious as to whether Tommy told him or not. Maybe he told him but Jack doesn't want to see or talk to me. I don't know why he wouldn't. As far as I'm aware I haven't said or done anything to make him dislike me. I stop myself when I realise I'm over thinking it.

'Hey' someone says and I'm startled as I thought I was alone. 'Dylan, how long have you been back?' I ask.

'Just now anyway... There's someone I want you to meet' he says and I know what is coming. A girl walks in. She's just shorter than Dylan with short brown hair. 'Ella this is Rosie my girlfriend, Rosie this is my sister Ella' he says. Great, I think, he was telling the truth. Now I have nothing to annoy him with. I think back to Jake saying he knew her and he thought she was ''hot''. I decide to be polite.

'Hi, it's nice to meet you' I say.

'Yeah you too, Dylan mentions you all the time' she says. I find that hard to believe, but never mind.

We talk for a bit and Dylan says she's staying for tea so that she can meet our mom. Then the topic I didn't want to be mentioned comes up. 'So Dylan said your with Jake, I've known him for years' she says.

'Yeah I've been going out with him for over a year now' I say trying to end the subject. 'Aww that's nice' she says. It's as though we are saved by the bell when the door knocks. I get up straight away to answer it, thinking it's Jack.

I'm disappointed when I see it's not him. It's my mom. 'Hey Ella' she says.

'Don't you have keys' I say back.

'Thats a nice welcome' she says sarcastically. 'I thought you were someone else' I say and go to walk back into the other room before she says I can help her carry some of the shopping she brought. 'Dylan's girlfriend is here by the way' I say.

'Really? Finally! I've been waiting for him to introduce us' she says and I note that she's far more excited about Dylan's relationship than mine.

We go in and Dylan introduces them. We have tea and then I go upstairs. Jack never turned up, I thought he would. Maybe I wasn't over thinking it.

It starts to get late. But then the door knocks. I have a second of hope that it could be him. Even if it isn't, I want to know who it is. 'Hello you alright?' I here Dylan say. He got there before me. 'Fine thanks. You?' Jack says. I go out my door and start to go down the stairs. 'Is Ella here?' He asks.

'Hey El!' Dylan shouts up the stairs.

'Yeah! I'm coming' I say back and Dylan goes back into the other room.

I stupidly check my hair as I go past a mirror at the end of the stairs

'Hey' I say. He laughs and I don't know why.

'Hey, I'm sorry Tommy forgot to tell me you stopped by, he only just told me' he says as though he is worried I'll be annoyed.

'You just found out I came to see you and you came to see me straight away?' I say impressed by his eagerness.

'Yeah of course' he says like it's no big deal, but it is to me, if it were Jake he would leave it till the next week.

He stands waiting for me to say something as it was me that wanted to see him. Then I remember that I had nothing to say to him. I just wanted to see him.

'Is there something you wanted?' He says smiling. 'Yeah... Erm.... You said we should go out.... Well...' I say but I get butterflies again. 'Are you getting nervous in front of me Ella?' He says in a sort of flirty way.

'No... I... Was–' I begin.

'Im joking' he says laughing 'are you free Saturday?'.

'Yeah' I say without even thinking.

'Great... I'll give you my number' he says. I add it to my phone. 'So I'll text you' I say.

'Yeah I'll see you then' he says. I say bye and shut the door.

It's not a date. It can't be a date, I'm still Jake's girlfriend. It's just two friends going out. I hope he knows that.

It's soon Saturday night and I'm going out with Jack soon. Thankfully my mom and Dylan have left. I've texted Jack a lot since I got his number. We decided to go to town as there's some kind of festival on.

I said I would drive even though it will be hard to find a parking space. He said that I shouldn't but I insisted. We get in my newly fixed car. 'Thanks again for fixing my car by the way' I say.

'Its fine' he says.

On the way to town we talk the whole way there. 'So are you alright after what happened with Nikki?' He asks.

'Yeah I'm fine. I haven't really spoken to her as much but we are ok' I say.

'Aw that's good' he says.

'So we are here' I say as I managed to park my car. There's people everywhere when we approach the town centre. We talk, laugh and I tell him things I haven't told Zoe. I nearly talk about Jake but I think I shouldn't.

The time goes by quickly and we are soon on the way back.

I park my car on the side of the road.

'I had a really nice time' I say.

'I did too, I like hanging out with you' he says, I try to stop myself but, I can't help smiling. 'I do too' I say, looking at my lap to stop myself from smiling. 'My moms not back, my brother is staying at his mates and my dad's doing a night shift at the hospital' he says. 'Thats... Convenient' I say as I don't know what else there is to say. 'Do you want to come in?' He says as we get out my car.

'Er... Sure' I say. There's no reason I can't go back to his. We will probably just watch the TV, as friends do.

He opens the door to his house. He acts like a proper gentleman and offers to take my coat which is something I'm not used to. He seems more serious than his usual, laid back & joking self.

We go through but we don't sit down. We just stand looking at each other.

'I really do like you... As a friend. I mean I know I seem like I don't like you but...' I say.

'Ella I know. I've grown on you. It's a love hate kind of thing right?' He says.

'Yeah. At least you understand me. Your about the only person that does' I say.

'I don't think that's true. You're not that hard to understand' he says.

'Maybe it's because we understand each other' I say. He steps closer to me. Our faces are inches apart. I can feel the warmth of his breath when he says 'maybe that's why I like you'.

I need to step back or leave or something. The guilt overtakes me. If I were to kiss him, that means I am cheating on Jake. Part of me feels like I'm cheating on him anyway as the whole night with Jack felt like a date. My mind is going crazy. I don't know what to do. I can't say it back to him, but it's true. I like him too. He's funny, considerate, nice, gorgeous, he understands me and I feel so nervous and excited around him. With Jake the excitement is just because there's loads of girls after him and the fact that he chose me makes me feel good. But the excitement with Jack feels more real.

I swallow a lump in my throat and I feel a nervous chill go through me. He's getting closer even though his lips are practically a centre metre away from mine. He brushes his hand over my hair all the way down to my waist where my hair reaches. He hold his hand there and his right hand brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I feel so hot like the temperature of the room is set to one hundred. He looks into my eyes and I look into his, this isn't right I can't kiss him, but I want to. I want to feel his lips against mine. For a second I think I will kiss him. Then my phone rings.

It's as though someone just called ''cut'' on a movie set as I walk about a metre away from him. 'I can't do this' I say to myself but I'm sure he hears. 'I need to answer this' I say. I feel as though I'm about to cry I think it's because of the guilt, but then I think it's everything. It's Zoe ringing so I answer.

'Hello' I say.

'Ella thank god you picked up' she says and she sounds like she's been crying.

'Whats going on?' I say walking down the room. 'Can you talk?' she asks.

'Er well' I say.

'Please Ella... Please' it seems important so I let her talk. Hopefully Jack can't hear. I can't just leave, we have unfinished business.

'Yeah of course' I say. She starts crying as she try's to speak and I can't hear what she's saying. I never see Zoe cry. 'Its... It's...' She tries to speak but her sobbing stops her.

'Zoe what's going on' she says.

'Your... Your one of the only people I'm telling...' She begins. I start to worry about what she will say. 'J-Jerome... He just left when I...I told him this... He... He just left. I don't know what to do' she says.

'Whats happened? What did you tell him?' I ask getting confused.

'I had a test... And I'm... I'm pregnant' she says and I can hear her crying. I can't believe what she's saying. She's pregnant. 'Oh my god are you sure?' I ask.

'Yeah I've been to the doctors and everything' she says.

'Its definitely his isn't it?' I ask realising I'm being a bit harsh. 'Of course it is' she says

'He just freaked out and didn't talk. Then he left. I don't know what to do' she says.

'Oh my god Zo I...I can come over' I say.

'You're not busy?' She asks. I look back at Jack. 'No... No I'm not busy' I say and feel even more guilty. 'Ok then thank you, I just don't know what to do' she says.

'Ok I'm on my way' I say and hang up. I look at Jack and I feel bad for saying I'm not busy. I can't believe what Zoe told me. She's pregnant.

I think I should say something as it's silent.

'Zoe is having a crisis. She needs me. I'm... I'm sorry I've got to go' I say and start to walk out. I grab my coat but then I feel warmth when he grabs my hand. 'Ella wait.. Please stay' he says.

'I can't I'm sorry' I say.

'Ok fine then just tell me what you were going to say before. I know you were going to say something' he says and he seems like he really wants to know.

'I think you know what I was going to say Jack' I say.

'Yeah I think I do' he says

'There you go' I say and I want to leave but he looks like he has more to say.

'Jut say it an I'll be happy. We both feel the same way Ella' he says.

'I know Jack. The guilt is eating me away. I don't know what to do. But I know that I can't admit that to myself. I can't say out loud how I feel, because when I do... I'm the worst person in the world' I tell him exactly how I feel. I tell him the truth. I can't tell him I like him. I feel like such a bad person for letting myself think about him as more than a friend.

I walk out the door but he keeps looking at me. I feel so bad I just want to cry out my feelings. I only just reach the end of the path to his house when I hear him walking to me. 'No' he says in a serious voice. I turn around to face him and he's walking straight to me.

'If your going to feel guilty about anything... It'll be about this' he says. Before I have a chance to listen to what he's saying. His lips are on mine and he kisses me. His hands run over my hair and then over my arm and down to my waste. He kisses me passionately. It seems like he's been kissing me forever but really it's been two seconds. He pulls away. He thinks I didn't want to kiss him. But I did, I have wanted to since I met him. 'Goodnight Ella' he says and walks back to his house. He's not joking or being flirty he's being serious and I'm not used to that. I walk away to my car. I want to go straight home and lie on my bed consulting great love films for advice on my crazy love life. I drive to Zoe's and there isn't a second I don't think about what has happened.

Zoe is pregnant, Jack kissed me, I'm with Jake, I like Jack. I like him a lot.

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