I avoid telling my mom for the rest of the weekend. I realise I broke my deal with Jack, when it's Monday morning and I still haven't told her. I don't know what's stopping me. I'm sure she won't be angry or anything. I'm surprised Dylan hasn't told her.
I get ready for college and go downstairs. That's when I have a thought, I'll tell her now, that way she can't keep me talking about it because I need to go. I don't want to break my deal with Jack, I need to tell her now.
I go into the kitchen assuming she's having breakfast as I didn't see her upstairs. She's not there. 'Dylan' I shout to see if he's down here. 'What!' He shouts from upstairs, so I must have shouted very loudly. I go to the bottom of the stairs. 'Where is mom?' I ask and he's now standing at the top of the stairs. 'Work' he says.
'Already?' I ask.
'Yeah, she always leaves this early on Mondays' Dylan says blatantly.
'Oh yeah, well I'll see you later' I say.
'Cya' he says as I shut the front door behind me.
I walk down my street, worrying because I haven't told my mom. She is my mom, doesn't she deserve to know. I am worried she will be upset I haven't told her. I think this is all stupid, I'm overthinking it again. Anyway I'm pretty sure she thinks something is going on, considering she had a phone all from college saying Jack and Jake were fighting over me and also the fact that I haven't really done a very good job in hiding it from her. I want to tell myself to shut up, I'm being ridiculous. 'Ella!' I hear Jack shout and I look behind me and see him catching up to me. 'Hey' I say smiling, seeing him has made me completely forget what it was, I was overthinking. 'You alright?' He asks the way he usually does. 'Yeah I'm fine, how're you?' I ask.
'Great' he says and we carry on walking.
'So I told my mom and Dad' Jack says and I remember I immediately remember what I was thinking two minutes ago. 'Oh great, what did you say?' I ask, but it's not a good thing, I now worry that my mom will find out through Jane and not me, which will no doubt annoy her. 'I just said 'you know I'm seeing Ella right?'' He says as though it was a casual thing to say. 'When did you tell them?' I ask.
'Saturday night when... My mom came back from yours' he says laughing.
'Yeah that was awkward she kept dropping hints, did she do that to you?' I ask.
'Yeah that's why I told them then' he says. He goes to say something which I assume is going to be ''did you tell your mom'' but I stop him before he can 'what did they say?' I ask. 'My mom said ''yes, could you be less obvious'' he says, we were quite obvious and I'm sure she must have known I was at their house on Friday. 'What about your dad?' I ask.
'He just said ''nice one' Jack says.
'Thats ok then' I say.
'So, did you tell your mom?' He asks and I get really nervous. I'm worried he will think that the only reason I didn't tell her is because I'm not sure about it, but that's not it at all, I'm just nervous of what she will say. 'No... No I didn't' I say, feeling bad.
'So you broke the deal? I thought you might do' he says.
'Why do you say that?' I ask.
'Well I just thought you wouldn't want to tell her' he says and I feel even worse.
'I do Jack, I'm just worried about everything she might say' I say.
'Like what?' He asks, but he doesn't seem annoyed or upfront, he just asks me casually like he wants me to tell him things instead of keeping them to myself and overthinking them. 'Like everything, she might think Its wrong I didn't tell her at first, she might want to know everything and I do find it hard opening up to people, even my mom' I say and I realise I've told him what I was overthinking before. 'Ella it's ok, you can tell me things like that, open up to me' he says and I feel strange when he says it, no one has ever wanted me to open up to them, maybe that's why I find it hard. 'Im trying to' I say back. 'I understand it's hard, but that's natural' he says, I do agree with him.
'Well I was going to tell my mom this morning, but she left early... I was going to tell her Jack, I was' I say.
'I believe you were, don't worry' he says and laughs at me being paranoid about silly things. I'm still thinking about it, and I'm sure he can tell. 'Its alright, come here' he says, he hugs me with one arm around the back of my shoulders. 'I always overreact, it's nothing new' I say.
'Your not overreacting, you just care too much' he says and I'm confused.
'How do you mean?' I ask.
'Like, you care a lot about people and the thought of upsetting someone upsets you' he says and I understand what he means, I have never thought about it, but I think he's right, I worry about saying the wrong thing or annoying and upsetting someone. 'Do you really want to be with me, I'm so strange' I say joking.
'Well maybe I should have thought this through' he says jokingly. I jab his arm with my fist and laugh. 'Im joking, I don't care if you were as messed up as.... A crazy person, i still want to be with you' he says and I smile. He holds both my hands and lightly kiss me. 'Im going to tell my mom tonight ok' I say.
'Ok!' He says and smiles.
We walk to college and go to the common room, we don't get any stares today, I think people assumed we were ''seeing each other'' considering what happened on Friday. 'There's Zoe and Jerome, shall we sit with them?' I ask as I don't want to make him uncomfortable if he hasn't really spoken to them. 'Yeah sure, is that Zoe? She looks Er... Different' he says and I'm pretty sure he's suggesting she's put on weight which she obviously has as she's carrying a baby, then I remember he doesn't know. 'She's pregnant' I say.
'Oh crap, sorry. Is she actually?'he asks seeming shocked.
'Yes it was an accident obviously, but they're ok with it, that's what she told me that night we first went out, and I had to leave' I say.
'Oh I thought it was an excuse to go' he says. 'No! I wouldn't do that, believe me, I didn't want to leave' I say and he laughs.
'I can't believe she's pregnant' he says.
'I know, I couldn't, but I've accepted it now' I say. 'Does anyone else know?' He asks.
'Even though it will soon be obvious she is, I don't know who she's told so keep it to yourself, yeah?' I say. He nods still shocked, I don't blame him, I was shocked when I found out, Zoe's only 17.
We join them in the corner. 'You two look great' Zoe says, smiling.
'Thank you... I guess' I say, as it was a random thing for her to say. 'Alright Jack' Jerome says looking up from his phone. I wasn't aware they really knew each other but it seems like they do. Then I remember that they both do Sport at college.
'You alright Jerome?' I ask.
'Yeah fine, better than fine actually' he says looking at Zoe. I look at him, he has styled his blonde hair the same as usual, he looks happy and he is wearing jeans and a t-shirt like Jack. He doesn't seem like someone that has recently found out they are going to be a dad. It's only now that I realise he isn't bothered by Zoe's pregnancy, he's accepted it, no matter what happens with them they will still love each other.
'He's fell out with Jake' Zoe suddenly says.
'Really!... Why?' I ask acting too happy about it. 'He's an idiot, I'm sick of him, he went too far' Jerome says, I can tell he is annoyed, which is strange for Jerome, he's usually such a calm person. 'What did he do now?' Jack asks.
'He said me and Zoe are a failure and that I need to end it as soon as I can, he said some other things but if I repeat them I'll make myself even more angry' he says. Jake has completely gone off the rails, I am slightly pleased to hear that I'm not his only victim. 'He is a complete idiot' Zoe says and I can tell that what Jake said upset her too, it's non Jake's business, I don't know why he gets involved. 'I wish I hadn't held you apart the other day, he deserves to have the crap kicked out of him' Jerome says to Jack. I can't help wondering who would have won that fight if they hadn't been stopped, as far as I can remember, Jack seemed to be a better fighter from what I saw. 'Where is Haz?' Jerome asks, meaning Harry.
'I don't know he never turns up anymore' Zoe says. 'Our group is destroyed it's just us four now' Jerome says and I like it that he includes Jack. 'I don't think Cindy and Harry are together, they just spend their time together, sleeping with each other, drinking and smoking' I say, that's what it seemed like when I went to her house, which was ages ago now. 'I don't get it, you told me Harry liked Nikki' Jack says confused.
'Yeah he did, I don't know what changed' I say remembering the days Harry used to come to me asking for my help to get Nikki to go out with him. Now I think about it, it's weird Harry asked me to do that considering we used to go out, but then again it's not like we didn't remain friends. 'Im ringing Cindy' Zoe says, me and Jack laugh at her eagerness. 'Cindy hey' Zoe says. It's irritating I can't hear the whole conversation. Half way through their conversation, I'm still waiting to hear what she says when She ends the call. Suddenly Zoe nudges me and turns her phone away from her mouth. 'Incoming' she says nodding to the door and moving her phone back. I look and see Jake walk in, I'm not bothered until I see Nikki with him and Naomi. 'What!' I say realising I said if out loud. Jack looks at me. 'Its alright just ignore them' he says, but I can't stop looking, what the hell is Nikki doing with him? She's a complete traitor. 'What have you got now?' Jack asks changing the subject. 'Me and Zoe have Art' I say.
'And we have sport' he says and I find it sweet we are couple friends, I never considered that when I was with Jake. 'We actually better get going, we've gotta change' Jerome says and I laugh.
'Alright see you later Ella' he says and smiles. I'm glad he doesn't kiss me, I'm not a fan of kissing in public and I also don't want us to be a soppy couple. After they go, I sit with Zoe until Art. 'He's so sweet' Zoe says as she's now off the phone to Cindy.
'How do you mean?' I ask.
'He calls you Ella' she says.
'Well it's my name' I say blatantly.
'You know what I mean, he doesn't call you El or babe or anything' she says, finding it cute. 'We have only been going out since Saturday Zo' I say as she's acting like we have been together for ages. 'You act like it's been longer' she says.
'Right' I say confused as I don't know whether that was a compliment or not. 'Im happy Ella, dumping Jake was the best thing you've ever done' she says.
'Yeah I guess it was' I say looking at him, sat there like a pimp, Nikki sat beside him. I just don't unserstand her, it's not like Nikki and Jake were close, they knew each other through me, why would she side with him? This is really turning into a playground fight, the one good thing is that, I'm not the one that's being childish. The fact he's making sure that he's constantly surrounded by girls, just proves that he is the one acting like a big kid. 'Anyway what did Cindy say?' I ask forgetting that Zoe just rang her. 'Said she might come in today, I don't think she will' Zoe says. 'Why can't she just come to college? Is it that hard?' I say.
'Its odd for Harry though...' Zoe begins to say before I stop her, I see Harry turn up. 'He's here' I say.
'Why isn't she here if she knows Harry is here? Wouldn't she want to be with him?' Zoe says. 'I don't know, I don't understand, she's so complicated' I say, laughing inside because if anyone's complicated it's probably me. 'Lets go and talk to him' I suggest. 'No, look who is walking to' Zoe says. 'Jake' I say.
'And Naomi' Zoe says. That's when a horrible thought crosses my mind, was he using Cindy like I thought? Does he still really like Nikki? It makes me sick thinking about this. He used her, and we all let him get on with it. 'He used Cindy' I say and I can't seem to stop looking at him sat with Nikki and Jake. 'Not necessarily, we don't know that' Zoe says, defending Harry.
'Zo this is Harry, we've been so stupid, he's liked Nikki for ages, how could he change all of his feelings just like that' I say, trying to get my head round the situation. 'Lets go and talk to him' Zoe suggests.
'No we need to go to lesson, but... We will after' I say.
'Yeah alright let's go' she says. We go to Art and I continue my sketchbook work.
I carry on with my charcoal drawing. My qualification question was on human emotion and we have to some how portray it in art work. I chose to do heart break, I chose this topic when I was still with Jake, does that mean I knew I didn't want to be with him then?
My drawing before me does slightly depress me. It's dark and emotional, stretches of black and grey stages across the page with only slight hints of white which doesn't help to brighten it up at all.
I look at Zoe's sketchbook next to me. She chose such a better emotion, Hope and Happiness. Bright colours are on her page, hints of trees and flowers that makes you feel happy when you look at it. Her work is so much better than mine. I nearly decide to scrunch it up and toss it in the bin before my tutor comes and looks at it. 'This is brilliant Ella, a great Portrayal of Depression' he says. 'Its meant to represent heart break actually' I say.
'Oh yes I see that too' he says slightly unsure. 'Im considering doing something else' I say.
'No this is brilliant work, it suits your theme' he says, and I have to think that he must be messed up if he likes this work.
'Seriously?' I ask.
'Yes, it's very good Ella, if you stay behind at the end then we can talk about it' he says much to my appreciation.
'Ok then' I say with a sigh. This lesson is a double so it takes up lesson time until lunch.
'Can I stay too i need your help with this oil wax' Zoe says.
'Yeah that's fine' he says. So that means we are both staying behind, at least I'm not on my own. He walks away to the other table, I don't know why we don't share a table as there's only 5 people in the class.
'Zoe you don't need help with that oil wax it's perfect' I say.
'Yeah but I wanted to wait for you, if you still want to confront Harry' she says.
'You didn't have to stay' I say laughing.
'Its fine' she says.
It's soon the end of the lesson so we stay behind whilst the other 3 students leave for lunch. 'Now then Zoe what was it you wanted?' He asks her.
'I was Er... Just... Wondering how to create... A more real 3D background' she says trying to find something to say, she doesn't need his help at all. 'But Zoe you've already done that, it is perfect' he says confused.
'Well it's ok' she says but she knows it's perfect.
'So Ella, why aren't you happy with this?' He asks. 'Its just really Dark' I say.
'Yes but that ties in with you theme' he says.
'Could I not use more white to...' I say before he interrupts 'you show me what you mean, be a bit more adventurous' he says, he seems like some crazy, creative person when he starts talking art.
I had already put my charcoal away so I can't be bothered to get it out again. I grab some of the white paint Zoe was using, I can't find a brush so I use my fingertip. I stroke white paint from the top corner of my painting. 'I thought just add a little white to show it fading from good to bad' I say.
'Ahh I see,like the stages of heart break' he says and I have no idea what he is talking about so I just go with it.
I add more white paint because I'm not satisfied with it. 'No that's enough, you don't want it to be too bright' he says, but I still don't like it, it's still too dark. I wipe the paint off my hand and grab my bag. I don't know why I hate this picture so much, maybe it's because it reminds me of Jake for some reason. 'Keep working on it before next lesson' he says but I don't know what else to do to it.
'Ready to go? I think they're waiting for us' Zoe says and I don't really listen to what she says as I'm thinking about my painting. 'Yeah' I say although I'm not sure what the question was. She walks out and I follow her, still looking down at my book, the paint is wet so I need to keep it open to dry in time, that just means I have to look at it for longer. 'Hey' I hear Zoe say so I assume Jerome is waiting for her, he usually does. I'm still looking at my sketchbook before I realise I'm about to walk into the wall. 'Ella' I hear Jack say. I look up and notice my head is 5 centimetres from the door frame. 'What are you doing?' He says laughing.
Before I can answer I think about what's happening. Jack has waited for me after lesson, because he wanted to, not because we needed to talk or his next lesson was here, because he actually wanted to. I don't know why but I find it cute.
I realise he asked me something but I haven't replied, I'm just smiling. Thankfully he's smiling back so I don't look strange. 'You alright' I say.
'Yes, more importantly are you, you nearly smacked your face of this thing' he says again laughing and pointing to the door frame. 'Seriously El what are you on?' Zoe says confused. 'Im fine I was just distracted' I say and Jerome laughs 'you must have been a lot distracted then' he jokes.
'What were you distracted by?' Jack asks.
'Probably you' Zoe says to Jack.
'Actually I was looking at my sketchbook!' I say trying to get the point across. We walk down the corridor and Jack looks over my shoulder. 'Lets have a look' he says.
'No' I say as it's awful.
'Come on' he says.
'No it's terrible' I say holding it away from his view.
'Please' he says and this is turning into a yes, no, yes, no game.
'No' I say. He drops the subject for a second. 'What is that?' He says looking at the ceiling. 'What's what?' I ask stupidly falling for his trick. He grabs my sketchbook from my grip. 'Give it back' I say. I try to grab it off him but that only makes it harder for me to get it back as he holds it up and I can't reach it because he's talker than me.
I start to laugh as there's no point in getting annoyed about this, but that doesn't stop me from trying to get it back. 'Ella that's amazing' he says, holding it above his head.
'No it's not' I say.
'Whats wrong with it?' He says.
'Its just too dark' I say.
'Yeah but it fits together. Your really good at art' he says.
'Im not really good' I say.
'Yes you are don't deny it' he says.
'Well I don't think I am' I say. He shakes his head and finally gives me my book back.
'Thankyou!' I say and he laughs.
'Did you have a good sport lesson?' I say changing the subject. 'Ha no' Jerome says joining our conversation. I think they had a double lesson, most people do on the timetable. 'Why what happened?' I ask and Zoe also seems keen to know what happened. 'Jake got put in the opposite team for football' Jerome says and I can guess what happened. 'What did he do?' I ask.
'He tripped me and coach didn't make it a foul. Then Jerome told him to Fuck off' Jack says. 'Nice one' Zoe says to Jerome.
'Then he tripped me to the ground so I somehow got a foul. It's like Jake is coach's son or something' Jerome says.
'Jake never gets a foul' Jack says.
'He should be kicked off the course he can't go tripping you, he could have hurt you' Zoe says to Jerome, brushing her hand over the side of his head in a caring way. 'Im fine but he won't be if he continues' Jerome says.
'Yeah agreed' Jack says.
We go back to the common room for lunch.
'Do you want to go to into town?' Zoe asks us. 'Yeah but I believe we have something to do first' I say to Zoe.
'What?' Jack asks.
'Confront someone' Zoe says.
'Dont go getting into more arguments' Jerome says. 'We'll see' Zoe says.
'Zo your pregnant you can't get into a fight' Jerome says and I find it sweet that he cares about her and their baby. 'Im only two months' she says. They don't seem bothered that Jack just heard them say their having a baby, even though he already knows. 'There he is' I say as I see harry come out of the office. They all look to where I'm looking. 'Harry? Seriously? What's your problem with him?' Jerome asks, but we ignore them and carry on. Jack and Jerome stay there, while we go to talk to Harry, it would seem like we were ganging up on him if we all went. 'Harry!' I say as he starts to walk off.
'Oh hey guys' he says but he doesn't seem very happy, I won't let that stop me from confronting him. 'You have got a lot of explaining to do' Zoe says.
'Oh but first i just wanted to say that it's nice you've sided with Jake after all this, I mean we have been best friends since we were four but that doesn't mean anything does it?' I say getting annoyed, he does seem like a traitor, Harry and I were best friends before Zoe and I were friends and he chose Jake and Nikki, two people that have both individually hurt me. He try's to say something but Zoe cuts him off. 'Secondly Harry, we want to know exactly what you've done to Cindy, we know you've used her and now you want Nikki instead, you can't treat people like that!' Zoe says. He doesn't delay any time in defending himself and immediately says 'right firstly Ella, you are one of my best friends, I am on your side and I care about you. I've never accepted you and Jake because he's no where near good enough for you, I'm glad you ended it with him because he's an idiot, the only reason I went over to them this morning was to tell Nikki to quit harassing me, she texts me all the time thinking I'm still into her and I'm not, I don't care about her anymore' he says seeming slightly upset I accused him of being a traitor. I feel guilty for thinking that now. 'Secondly Zoe, If you knew how much I actually cared about Cindy, then I'm sure you would not think I would use her that way. I stopped liking Nikki the minute I realised how amazing Cindy was, but that's changed now because it turns out she's the one you should be questioning as she has slept with some other guy' he says and it makes me want to cry when he says it because he looks so genuinely sad, Harry never looks sad, he's such a strong person, but this has clearly got to him. I can see now how much he actually cared about Cindy, I thought she felt the same about him but now she's thrown it all away. I can't believe she's cheated on him, that puts her In the same Rank as Jake, which is not a good place to be when you're friends with me.
I look at him waiting for one of us to say something, I feel so guilty I can't think of the best thing to say, an apology is most likely appropriate. 'Harry, I'm really sorry, you know I'm here for you, we all are, I'm so sorry' I say.
'Forget it, it doesn't matter, I knew people would assume things' he says.
'Harry I'm really sorry too I shouldn't have said anything' Zoe apologises.
'It doesn't matter, I'm going to go' he says and I remember he has half a day on Mondays. 'We can talk about this' I say trying to be kind. 'No it doesn't matter, I want to be on my own' he says.
'Alright let us know if you need us' I say.
'Yeah' he says, but I don't think he listens to what I say. He pulls his hands through his short brown hair and puts his hood on. Before I know it he's left. I feel so bad, why couldn't I keep my mouth shut. I really need to think before I say things.