I can't believe I said that to Harry. Why didn't i think! I need to stop thinking about it, but I can't. Maybe it's fair for me to have thought that as he never used to like Cindy, so how can I blame myself for accusing him of hurting her. I hope he understands, I tried to explain and he wouldn't let me. I do find it awkward explaining this to people, but he's my best friend, we did used to be together, but it didn't work, because we were best friends. I find it hard to except that recently we have grown apart, I can't help but wonder wether that was to do with Jake, as Harry and Jake never really got on well. Harry even just admitted that he never liked me and Jake because he thought Jake wasn't good enough for me. I just hope that Harry will accept me and Jack, that way we could have a shot at being best friends again, but I think he's got more important things on his mind right now.
'What's going on? Why'd he leave?' Jack asks and I notice Zoe and I are stood with him and Jerome again. 'He... He didn't do what we...' I begin before Zoe cuts in as I'm speaking too slowly. 'He didn't cheat on Cindy like we thought, she slept with someone else and he really likes her' Zoe says. I can't stop thinking about what Harry just said, he was clearly upset because I accused him. 'Well never mind... He'll get over it' Jerome says.
'Thats not the point' I say. I decide to walk out, I need to sort this out, I need go call one of them, but why should I help Cindy after what she's done. 'Wait!' I hear Jack say, but I don't want to wait, I want to sort this out, I feel responsible which is crazy because I had nothing to do with it. 'Jack I won't be long, I just want to call one of them and sort this out' I say.
'Ella wait' he says pulling me back.
'No I need to help' I say.
'Ella you don't, look this isn't your problem, you just have to let them sort it out on their own' he says, one hand holds my wrist and the other is on my shoulder. I feel like I need to sort this out, but he's right it's not my problem. 'You need to stop blaming yourself for everything, you just have to forget about it and wait and see what happens' he says.
'Ok, I'll wait' I say and I'm glad he stopped me, otherwise I don't want to think about what I would say to Cindy. All the sympathy I gave her when she was Ill is gone now, Harry and I were the only ones that visited her, I wish that we hadn't now, at least then she wouldn't have got involved with Harry and broken his heart. 'You alright now?' Jack asks. 'Im fine I just feel bad' I say.
'You don't have to feel bad' he says, I know I don't have to but I can't help it, guilt is my biggest enemy.
The afternoon is soon over and I'm walking home with Jack.
'So you haven't spoken to Harry or Cindy have you?' He asks.
'No, you told me not to' I say.
'I know but I wasn't sure whether you would listen to me or not' he says.
'I do listen to you, you are sensible, all my decisions are stupid and reckless' I say, as it's true, all the decisions I have made have been terrible, but Jack always manages to sort things out, because his decisions are not stupid.
'They aren't, maybe you just need to think before you act' he says in reply to my question. 'But I do think, I'm sure I do' I say confused.
'Yeah but you always make your decisions based on how you feel, not what you think' he says, at first I'm even more confused, but then I understand him. If I feel bad, whatever I do to stop it, is something that makes me think I've made the situation better, but I'm wrong I need to think. If I had thought and considered the situation with Harry and Cindy then I wouldn't have harassed him with questions and I wouldn't have accused him of being a cheat. 'You alright?' Jack says and I realise I was in a trance, thinking about thinking. I always thought I over thought things but that's only when I'm worried or sad. Maybe I should let Jack make my decisions from now on, I'm sure that, that way I wouldn't have so many things that I need to sort out. 'Yeah I'm fine, sorry' I say before I go back into a trance.
'Its alright' he says and I see the corner of his lip curl as though he wants to laugh. 'What?' I ask.
'Nothing' he says letting the laugh out.
'Tell me' I say.
'You just make me laugh, you do this all the time' he says smirking.
'Do what?' I ask.
'Like space out' he says.
'Oh, well I was just thinking, your the one that just told me to' I say and I realise we stopped walking.
'I know, I meant think before you do things' he says.
'I know that, I do overthink things though' I say although he doesn't look convinced.
'Ok so what do you overthink' he asks.
'Just stuff, whatever I'm thinking about' I say unsure of how to explain it.
'So do you think about me?' He asks with a cheeky grin on his face.
'Sometimes' I say lying, I think about him all the time and I always overthink things to do with him. 'Oh really' he says smiling.
'Yes now let's go' I say as we are still just standing in the middle of the pavement.
'My Mom is home' I say when we are back and I see her car parked on the drive.
'Is that good or bad?' Jack asks confused.
'Well I'll tell about us' I say, unsurely.
'Then it's good' he says and seems positive.
'Oh yeah I suppose it is' I say, weirdly nervous.
'Ella it'll be fine, just tell her' he says laughing as though it's a simple thing and I'm overreacting. But it's not a simple thing, his parents hardly said anything when they found out, but i know my mom will have plenty of questions for me.
'Well I better go and tell her then' I say looking at my house. 'Yeah alright, see you tomorrow yeah?' He asks.
'Yeah' I say not really listening as I'm thinking about what I'm going to say to my mom. I don't really recall him kissing me bye on the cheek until he's gone.
I don't waste anymore time when I open my front door, I go straight to tell my mom and get it over with. I find her in the dinning room going over some figures for work, I glance at the papers and the numbers which confuse me, I'm not one hundred percent sure what my mom does for her job, but I know it's something that's complicated and I wouldn't have a clue what i was doing if I had the job. 'Hey mom' I say getting her attention. She looks at me whilst finishing a sentence of her writing. 'Ella you're home early' she says.
'Mom it's five o'clock' I say pointing to the clock in front of us. 'Oh sorry I've been working all afternoon' she says.
'Ok well anyway, I have something to tell you' I say.
'Go on' she says, looking interested.
'Well... Erm you know i haven't been with Jake for ages now, well... He... He cheated on me with a few girls, including Naomi... I think' I say finding it hard to tell her, I don't want her to sympathise me, I'm over it now.
'What? Ella why didn't you tell me this be–' I stop her as I still have more to say.
'Well anyway... I have moved on because... I'm... I'm...' I say but I can't tell her, I don't know why, I guess I'm worried she will say he's a rebound or I'm moving on too quickly. 'Your... Seeing someone else? Let me guess Jack?' She says with a slight smile on her face when she says his name which makes me feel less nervous.
'Well yeah' I say 'how did you know?' I ask.
'Ella love, it was pretty obvious, Jane and I saw it coming, you always hang out together, I knew you'd go for him' she says, acting like she knows everything, I had to laugh to myself when she said ''hang out''.
'It wasn't that obvious and anyway why did you think i'd go for him?' I ask confused.
'Well let's face it darling, he's gorgeous' she says and the situation suddenly turns awkward. 'Mom!' I say.
'What?' She says as though nothing is wrong. 'Don't say that' I say as it's not her place to say that, she's my mother.
'Why it's true isn't it?' Se says laughing.
'Well of course it's true, but you don't have to say that' I say and she pulls a face that suggests I'm overreacting.
'Never say that again... It's awkward. Anyway so you're ok with it right' I ask.
'Yes, but I'm not happy with Jake, Ella if I see him round here again I won't stop myself from saying something, he can't treat you or anyone like that, I'm glad your rid of him' she says, but I don't care because he's never going to be round my house ever again, I find it funny that Jake now has three people that want to kill him, mom, Dylan and Harry.
'Ok well I'm going to do my work now' I say as an excuse to avoid this conversation, but of course she won't have that. 'Wait Ella' she says as I go to walk off. 'What now?' I ask eager to leave. 'Well tell me the gossip with you and Jack' she says sat up right, leaning her chin on the palm of her hand. 'Er... Let me think... No!' I say sarcastically, I knew she'd want to know everything. 'Oh please' she says but I've already walked off. It's like she's acting like some kind of teenager, ''gossip with me and Jake'' is she for real? Sometimes I feel like I am more grown up than her and she's forty and I'm 18 in 4 days.
Thinking about my age has reminded me that I need to decide what to do Friday. Partly I want a party, but there's a lot of people I don't want there. I recite the list of people that I'm actually not arguing with, the list is very short so I may have to invite some people I don't like. The only people I really want to invite are, Jack, Jerome, Zoe and Harry, I don't want to invite Cindy, I feel bad thinking this after what she's been through, but Harry is my best friend and I've known him for longer, should I really invite the girl that's broken his heart?
Half an hour later and I'm still thinking of who to invite. There's Jack's friends, but I didn't like some of them. I may tell him to ask Georgia and Cole as they seemed nice. I Defiantly will not invite that guy Nikki was flirting with, I think his name is Lewis, I'm surprised I remember as it seems like ages ago now. I add a few other friends to the list, they aren't close friends but I've always been invited to their house parties. I message most people the same message ''house party for my 18th round mine Friday, 8:00pm''. I don't message Harry, i do want to invite him but I'm afraid that he's still annoyed with me. When it comes to inviting Jack I change the message. ''Im having a house party for my birthday this Friday, I want you to come, obviously, I thought you could ask Cole and Georgia too, they seemed nice'' I send before I have chance to reread it which is what I normally do. I probably could have re-worded the ''obviously'' part better, but never mind. I haven't even asked my mom if I can have a party yet, I'll ask her after dinner.
We are soon sat round the table after dinner so I waste no more time.
'Mom you know it's my birthday on Friday' I say. 'Yes I was aware of that' she says sarcastically.
'Please, Please, Please can I have a house party' I say hoping she will say yes.
'Well...' She begins.
'Mom it is her eighteenth, I had one, it's only fair' Dylan says and I'm shocked he's standing up for me again. 'Ok fine, but if what happened last time happens again your never having one again, I mean it Ella, one drink stain or cigarette burn and that's it, also upstairs is out of bounds' she says and it takes me a while to understand the million house rules she's throwing at me. 'Yeah ok, you don't have to worry, Smart isn't coming this year' I say and she seems happy to hear that. 'Since I stuck up for you, do I get an invite?' Dylan asks.
'Yeah sure' I say as he did persuade mom and to be fair to him, he isn't the most embarrassing big brother in the world, for some reason people think he's good looking, even my friends think he is.
'Well I better find somewhere to go then, i might ask Jane' mom says and the thought of the two of them meeting up, now that they know about me an Jack, really scares me.