Somehow, the guinea pig turning into a man was my fault. I don't know how they could possibly find a way to blame this on me, but right after everything settled down, I was sent to the dean's office to discuss my punishment.
So it started like this:
I was sitting in English class, trying to listen to Mrs. Tuttle, the 1,000 year old teacher, lecturing the students on concrete and abstract verbs. She was writing on the whiteboard, and the words and letters just swam around and around, making it hard to focus on anything. And the clock seemed to be taking forever to move its tiny little hands.
I guess I was staring off, thinking about what it would be like if there was a freak snow storm which caused everyone to be sent home early--and that happens a lot when you live in Montana--when Mrs. Tuttle snaps me out of my thoughts, and asks, "Robin? Can you tell me what the difference between a concrete and abstract noun is, since you have been paying so much attention."
I was about to make some kind of excuse, or say something along the lines of 'I have ADD, and you are boring the hell out of me, so it's kind of hard to focus on what you're saying, O mistress who is 117 years old,' when suddenly, Tobi, the brown little class guinea pig, starts squeaking, and hissing, and gnawing on his cage. All of this is kind of normal, but then he starts growing. His small little guinea pig face is starting to grow a small little black scruff of a beard. His face becomes distinctively human-like, and his paws turn into small hands, growing bigger and bigger.
After about a minute, there is a scraggly old man, wearing clothes you would expect the pirate Blackbeard to wear, looking wide-eyed at everyone in the class. His unsettling brown eyes settle on me and he gives me the death glare. "You!" He bellows, drawing his sword and pointing it at me. "Your kind shall pay! You and all the other filthy half-bloods!"
What, in the actual heck, is a half-blood? "Uh, sorry. . . Captain? I don't understand what that means,"
He growls and lunges for me, but before he can reach me, my instincts kick in, and I grab the nearest textbook off of the desk and swing it at his grimy face.
He collapses onto the floor in front of me. Mrs. Tuttle focuses her eyes, hidden behind ancient bifocals, on me and I can tell what's coming next. Her face turns red, and she is about to howl like a wolf. "Ms. Hood," She starts, with her tone deadly calm. "How's about we go see Mr. Humes?"
And just like that, a guinea pig turns into a man and everybody freaks out and blames me.