Sorry guys, I tried really hard, but it's finally here!
Enjoy, and please don't kill me for taking so long!
But it's extra long, just like I promised!
And NOT the last chapter!
<3 X3 <3
I left school, just walked home. I locked myself up in my room. I curled up in the bed, crying softly to myself. I tried listening to music, but there was only one thing I wanted to listen to. I couldn't make up my mind on whether to cry along to Luke's stupid, angelic voice, or to destroy the CD so I would never have to listen to it again.
I was crying, though. I was a blubbering wreck, tangled in the sheets on my bed and fisting the pillows. But when I heard the slams of a car's doors, and the pounding footsteps on the stairs, I rushed to my shaky feet and locked myself in the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, then stood there clenching the sink. My breathing was still shallow and shaky, and I was having a hard time getting it under control.
There was a knock on the door, my bedroom door. I panicked. I punched the mirror before rushing out of the room. I think I broke it, but the sound was like white noise to me. I unlocked the door and swung it open without bothering to look at who it was. Probably just my brother, to yell at me for God knows what kind of something. I just slumped to the bed and rolled onto my side.
The mattress dipped low beside me, and hands rubbed my back. We stayed like that for a long while in silence, before they spoke.
"Ashton is talking to Luke right now.He hasn't said a word to us, but it's you I'm worried about. Take all the time you need, but please, talk to me, Lish. Tell me what's been going on."
So with one deep, shaky breath, I told him. Everything. From me dating Jake, to falling for Luke. Jake cheating on me, and me sleeping with Luke. To me crushing Luke by running back to Jake, and him destroying me. The only thing I left out, was today. But Michael, he's a smart guy.
"So today, that was Luke defending you?"
I could only nod.
"Then why did you leave school today? Why are you both pissed and pitiful?"
My voice was cracked as I whispered the dreaded words. "Because I love him."
"I'm not good for him! He deserves so much better than me. I'll ruin everything; he probably has detention for life now, because of me."
"No, he doesn't." His voice turned grim. Like he was no longer worried, but like he felt bad, about to deliver some bad news.
"What do you mean? Why not?"
He sighs, looking me in the blood-shot eyes. "Because, we're leaving."
My whole world freezes."What do you mean, you're leaving?"
"We've been discovered! One Direction asked us to tour with them, and we said yes."
Oh...Tha-that's great!" I plastered on a smile.
Inside, I was already dead.
Everyone went out to celebrate. I was left alone with my bruised heart and massive headache. I turned the knob on the tub to turn on the water. I started running it hot so it would fill up for a bath. I was too exhausted for a shower, and maybe it would help me relax? Except the sound or the running water was giving me a worse headache! I stood quickly from where I knelt beside the tub and spun to the medicine cabinet. I found both Tylenol and Aspirin. At first, my concern was which one was best to take, and how much of it. Then I kind of didn't care, you know? I just wanted to feel better. To calm down, maybe sleep.
What's one more extra pill? or two?
So that's what I did, take a few more of one than I was supposed to, nothing that would do harm. The stupid thing though, was when I went to put the bottles away, and cracked open the second instead. There were only two pills left in the container. I plopped them into my hand hesitantly. After rolling them between my fingers for awhile, they somehow ended up sliding down my throat. I was dizzy instantly. I fell, barely missing the counter and skidding to the floor.
When I cleared my hazy gaze, my eye caught on something. My arm shook as it reached out and grasp the object-a broken mirror shard.
I got shakily to my feet and climbed into the tub, turning the water off. It wasn't too high, but high enough. I didn't want to drown.
That concern was the last thought on my mind as my chin hit my chest and I felt myself pass out.
I was asleep. I knew It was a dream because Luke was there. It wasn't a normal dream though. Everything was silent and felt far away. Luke was on the phone, appearing panicked. Then Michael was there, and Ash, too. They were in and out, but Luke was the dream’s constant.
In this dream, I couldn't see anything. Feeling was my only sense, but just the movement. Everything else was numb... It felt like I was in a jet; confined, and moving fast. There was the very faint buzzing of a siren...
Despite the fogginess, I knew I was awake. I was slowly becoming aware of everything. Red flooding behind my eyelids. Cold soaking my bones. Pain everywhere. Splitting headache. Ringing in my ears. Beeping sounding like a heart monitor?
I pry my eyes open, with much effort. After blinking a few times and fighting with my lids once more, I managed to keep them open. I was in a hospital room. I was a patient, in a hospital bed, unable to move. I tried to sit up and was flung back down. I grunted. Someone else moaned. A body was close, their shadow hovering over me.
I opened my eyes, and through the blur, saw a woman in a nurse’s uniform. She was messing with the tubes connected to the heart monitor. They traveled from the machine and into me. Confused, I tried to open my mouth, to ask what the Hell was going on, but it wouldn't listen.
A low, short beep sounded, followed by a slurred voice-at least, to my ears, slurred. I had to fight to follow the woman’s words. “Maggie, could you get Ms. Irwin some juice, and tell the boys in the lobby she’s awake?” There was a muffled reply, but what happened next, I couldn't miss, or believe.
There was a grunting sound, like someone had just woken up, yawned and stretched. Then a skidding and a crash, like something slipping on a hard surface and falling. “She’s awake?”
I heard the voice and words, loud and clear. It broke my heart, hearing Luke speak. He sounded worn out and sick.
“Ali, can you hear me?” His voice was cracked, and I swore I felt something wet hit my arm, like tear drops. I nodded, painfully, then the door crashed open with a bang and I was fast to figure that all four boys were now in the room, surrounding my bed, probably. And there was arguing. From what I could catch, the nurses didn't want them all in at once, and I wasn't even able to sit up and needed time and they needed their cooperation.
“No,” I choked out, “let them stay.” I fought to get another sentence out, “Someone...what’s going on?”
“Ali, you need to rest.”
“I’ll sit her up. Do you think you’re feeling up to that, Alisha? You lost a lot of blood and had a few transfusions.”
“I...what…? Y-yeah, I-I wanna sit up.”
I could still barely keep my eyes open, but I held them tightly shut as I felt the nurse sit me up. I scoot my back against the headrest and take a deep but very harsh and shaky breath, bracing myself then opening my eyes.
The room was miserable. The boys looked worried and exhausted. A second nurse came in and handed me a cup that contained apple juice and a straw. She and the other nurse left the room, “Just press the call button if you need anything.” I nodded then sat quietly. It was awkward, having the boys just stand there staring at me or not looking at me at all. Luke sat in a chair next to the bed, just staring at the floor, hands in his lap.
I hated apple juice, but I took a sip of it to moisten my throat to be able to talk. “What happened, I-I thought you guys were leaving?”
“It’s Friday, Ali.”
What, no. He, he must be crazy. It was just Monday, we went back to school and…
“Do you remember anything?”
I nod. I remembered everything, what I did…
“Why would you try and kill yourself?”
“That’s not what I was trying to do, Ashton!”
“I...I don’t know…”
“Ashton, go easy on her. She needs rest.”
Michael spoke, and tried to grab him. Ashton pushed him away. “Get off of me,” he growled, stamping out of the room. Calum rushed after him.
“Sorry, Ali. He’s just--”
“No, I-I understand. He's right.”
“Ali,” he signed, kneeling beside the bed, one of my hands in both of his. I couldn't look into his face.
“He’s right. I wasn’t trying to...I just...I wanted the pain to stop. I wasn’t trying, but I didn’t care, either. Everything would be a lot better if I had--”
“What do you think we’re doing here?”
I nearly jumped, forgetting Luke was behind me. We both turned to look at him.
“We wouldn't be here, if we didn't care.” He had such venom in his voice, and rushed from the room, grumbling. I looked down, playing with the bandages on my hands.
“It’s been hardest on him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m saying that Luke hasn't left this room since you got here. Just a second ago was the first time he’s left that chair in days. We tried prying him out of it, he’d only get violent. He hasn't eaten or slept in days. He finally passed out just before you woke up.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just didn’t. “He blames himself, Ali.”
“You know why I did it? Because I hated myself. I was so disgusted with myself for the way I've been treating you, him, my brother...all these years, I've wanted nothing more than to get it all over with so I could just leave them all behind.”
“They hadn't been very deserving of your kindness before-”
“But I made it worse. I should have been the bigger person. Ashton’s my brother. He’s an ass, but still my brother...And Luke…!”
“I always loved you, Ali.” I looked up to see him leaning in the doorway, jaw clenched and looking at the ground. I wanted nothing more than to get up and rush to his side, to take him into my arms. But I can’t. I wouldn't. “I was never deserving of you, but God, did I love you. Everything that’s happened, I deserve. But not you, you didn't deserve all that pain…”
“Luke,” I croaked. He looked up. I didn't know what to say, but patted the bed. He shook his head, then tentatively stepped near the bed. But not near me. He whispered something to Michael, who got up, squeezed my hand, let it drop, and left the room. Luke came back around to his chair, moved it away a little, and sat in it, without a word. “Luke---”
“Don’t! J-just don’t.” It was silent for a long while. He played with his fingers, stared at anything, shuffled his feet. I took him in, his thin, sickly figure, worried and exhausted face, torn with pain. I’d done that to him...All I wanted, was to help, to give him a better life, and I’d crushed him and his entire world, instead.
“I was in Ash’s room. That night... I heard...I-I went into your room, I found you...You were in the bath, appeared to be asleep. Except, for the blood...I-I couldn't wake you. I called the medics, the boys, you were in and out, and I didn't know what to do, we thought you were dead!”
His words blurred together with anxiety from retelling the story. “Shh…” I cooed gently, rubbed his hand that I didn't think he was going to let me grab. He’d flinched away, then rushed to grasp it, like he couldn't stand the thought of not touching me, like I’d disappear at any moment...Again, I hated myself, for doing that to him.
“I know you think you shouldn’t be here, but fate is real. It brought us together, and gave me the happiest night of my life with you. And I know for a fact that you’re supposed to be here, because---”
He cuts himself off. “Because what?”
He turns and looks at me with such fierceness, it scared me. He takes both of my hands in both of his and takes a deep breath, bracing himself. “Ali, you’re pregnant.”