Six months ago:
"Well, I'll just tell you how it is. I'm sorry to say this but you unfortunately have leukaemia.." My doctor looked like he was about to cry, and so was I. "You can't be serious!" That came out wrong, he was serious, it's not something you joke about.
My mom started a waterfall of tears, then she began hugging me and saying that everything was going to be okay. I didn't believe her, even though I wanted to believe her, I just couldn't. "Yeah well, I'm so sorry Jane Carter, this was the last thing I thought would happen to you" my doctor looked at me
"You start first chemo treatments next week" he said. I just looked at him and silently nodded. When my mom and I got out from the surgery, she kept hugging me and crying. "Mom, I'm fine.. It'll be alright" I assured her and she nodded as we got in the car. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do; was I supposed to cry or scream? What would my dad say when I told him?
Life had gotten from being the best, to being the worst in just half an hour. I had just turned 18 and was already about to end my life. I just hoped it was something they could cure or hold on the down low for as many years as possible.
I still hadn't had my first kiss yet. When we got home I called my dad to tell him. My mom and dad are divorced, so it's just me and my mom since my dad is never really around because he works all the time.
We got home and I sat down in the kitchen. I called my dad.. He didn't pick up, I called a few more times, seeing that he didn't answer I gave up. "He doesn't answer mom" I shrugged sadly "It's okay sweetie, I'm sure he'll call back" mom said. Sure, of course he'll call back, because that's what he always does! To hell he doesn't, that's the only thing he doesn't do, calling back!!
I had to cool down, it had all suddenly become too much. "Mom, I need to go somewhere, I'll take the car" I said "Are you sure that's a good idea?" She said concerned "Mom, just because I got diagnosed with leukaemia today, doesn't mean I'm going to break or anything at this very second" I grabbed the car keys annoyed "Yeah you're right honey, just be careful still" she hugged me and let me go.
I drove to the library; the place that gave me comfort when needed. It was always there and right now it was the place I wanted to be. I arrived in the parking lot and parked in my usual spot. I walked inside and sat on my usual seat, I took off my coat and scarf and put down my bag. I began looking through the shelves of books. I found some books about my disease, I grabbed them and sat down in my seat.
As I opened a book, someone walked in and sat across me at the table I was sitting at. It was a boy; he had crazy hair, it was red and was standing up in different directions and he had a bit of a fringe. He wore ripped jeans and a black shirt. I kept staring at him for awhile, he didn't really seem to notice.
He then looked up at me and my eyes quickly moved down to the book I was about to read. I began the first pages of the book; as I read more of the book my heart was pounding. The book was about how some peoples lives had changed after they were diagnosed with leukaemia, and how they would or wouldn't make it.
I felt tears pressing against my eyes. Stop reading this Jane! You obviously can't handle the truth! Tears then fell down onto the pages of the book, making all the pages wet. I looked up at the boy who was suddenly staring intensely at me. I was sobbing now, my reaction and emotions about my disease were all coming at once.
"Excuse me, are you okay? So do I really look that ugly?"I looked up, the boy was no longer sitting across from me, he was standing beside me. "I'm sorry, it's nothing. And no you're not even ugly, why would you think that?" I said still sobbing.
"You have just been staring at me and now you're crying I'm obviously ugly or something" his voice soft and gentle "You noticed? I'm sorry I know it's rude to stare. But you are not ugly. The reason why I'm crying is because.. A family member of mine was just diagnosed with leukaemia" I said;
I didn't tell him it was me, I didn't want his pity. He wasn't ugly, in fact he was quite gorgeous. "Oh I'm sorry, don't you think it would be better to put those books away then?" He pointed at the books in front of me. I nodded and put the books back on the shelve.