Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you had just changed one thing in your life? To go back in time and just have a good old conversation with your past self and discuss the dos and don'ts. I wish I had, I wish I had changed everything. It's not like my life had never been good because it had. It just changed when my aunt introduced me to him. My aunt is a lot younger than my mum who is now hitting her middle forty's. My aunt is about ten years younger but age does not matter for them because they still act like the best of friends. However because of this age difference my aunt was basically old enough to be my sister. I'm was eighteen back then and I was everything people thought teenagers were. I drank alot, partied alot and most of the time I was just out of control. I'm happy where I am now. Away from it all. Away from my mums drug problem and that dark and sad house I lived in with her. I am also happy to be away from my aunt and him and their happy relationship that is full of lies. The only thing I do miss is Adam and I regret not explaining everything to him and giving him a proper goodbye. Adam was bound to know everything now and he probably hates me for it. I would hate myself too. I live in France now and i'm healthy and happy. I don't drink as much and I try to avoid parties. I used to live in America but no matter where I went when I lived there it just was not far enough away from all my problem. So I just hoped on a plane and left. I tried to say goodbye to my mum and aunt before I left but all I could manage was a letter. The only reason I got enough courage to leave that night was because I found my mum lying on the sofa overdosed. It was enough to push anyone over the edge so when my aunt collected her to take her to hospital I just up and left and I don't regret it one but.
One year ago -
All I could do was stare at them, My mum and her group of friends. I didn't even know if they were friend and I would not be surprised if she had just met them down town and invited them back to dig in to her stash. There was nothing I could do to stop her and don't get me wrong I had tried. I had tried to talk to her which ended up with me getting a slap on the head. I had tried calling helplines but every time they came to see her it was like she knew before hand so when they came she was sober. I could not do much more because lately every time she was home she had some huge guy with her and they terrified me. I knew if I talked to her then I would get more than just a slap on the head. So I just watched over her and made sure she stayed safe. Drugs never interested me but it ran through me family to be addicted to something and to have some sort of dirty secrets. My mum didn't care to know my probems and demons and i was fine with that. I always had been because I had my aunt Lola to fall back on. It made me cringe how much Lola knew about me.
My mum was sat on the floor with her 'friends' forming a little circle around one small ash tray. I was sitting on an arm chair at the other side of the room pretending to be on my phone. I was on my phone texting friends but I was keeping a close eye on the other half of the room. My mum snorted out a laugh and slapped one of the mens arms before gripping it to stop herself falling over. They were so out of it none of them had even noticed me for the whole hour i had been in the room. I had to curl up on the armchair to keep warm. No doubt my mum had forgotten to pay the bills again. I was bundled up in a huge jumper and legging with my favouite dressing gown thrown on top. I could see my breath in white clouds as a texted away. I had a friend who was currently at a party texting me. She sounded bored stiff.
I hate drunk people! xox - Alice. I frowned. Why was she at a party if she hated being surrounded by drunk people? She was one of those people who always said they hated things but then you would catch them smiling when surrounded in it. Or maybe she was just the only one like that.
I hate stoned people! I replied. I took my eyes off my phone and watched a man grab my mums arm and tug her closer. It made me sick to watch. Maybe I deserved to feel so awful for how much I had failed to save my mum from her own demons. Two of the people on the half of the room had fallen asleep in really painful looking positions. Just two more and I could leave knowing my mum was safe enough to be left alone.
Tell your mum to pick up some lemon cheesecake before you guys come over tomorrow.. your fav aunt. My aunt Lola texted. I looked from my mums blank face to my phone. It would be a pain to get my mum up and out the door tomorrow but I had done it before. It just took patience and skill.
sure x. was all i said back. My aunt was aware of my mums problems but she didn't know just how bad it was. I didn't want to get her involved because she has a five year old little girl. I didn't want her daughter Jessie to have to grow up knowing anything about this kind of stuff. I could see my mums eyes fluttering closed from the corner of my eye. Just a few more minutes and she would be fast asleep. The third person was getting up to leave. I just hope he didn't have plans t drive anywhere because judging by his face, he was barely with it. He gave a slight nod before he left the house stumbling left and right as he went. My mum fell to the floor with a snore. I sighed relived. I had been dealing with this since I was twelve and I was not sure if it was making me stronger or if it was slowly breaking me into little shards. I was a happy little girl before my dad left and my mum had hit the floor with a loud bang dragging me with her. The house used to be filled with love and laughter. Now it was a dark and unwelcome place, it was why I spent most of my time somewhere else either out drinking with friends of at parties with load music so I could not think.
Thanks narie! - fav aunt. My aunts text came through. My name is Narie that is short for Nariena. The worst part is when my aunt calls me Narie bear. That's when my teeth start to grind. I got up off the arm chair and went over to check my mums pulse before I bounded upstairs and shut myself in my room. My room was an escape. I had a lock on the door not because anything had ever happened with one of those horrible guys my mum brought home but because It meant my mum could not steal any of my hidden cash or alcohol. My room was medium sized room with a double bed tucked in to the far left corner. My walls were painted a plum colour and I had wooden flooring with a black rug taking up most of it. My computer desk held my books and a laptop. The laptop was old but it still worked. Posters covered my walls and so did the photos of friends and family. It looked like a normal teenagers room except what was under the bed. I had black boxes under there stashed with bottles of alcohol and gars of saved up money. My room was lacking of junk and little pointless items like normal girly stuff so any normal person would think that the boxes under my bed were just storage for clothes and keep sake's. My phone buzzed in my hand.
You know how you are my best friend in the whole world..- Alice. I sighed knowing she wanted something. I clicked the call button.
"I love you, you know that right?" Alice slurred down the line. She was drunk. I sat on the computer chair and slowly twirled round on it.
"What do you want?" I asked. Alice began giggling at something. I was temped to just hang up because I had had enough of other peoples problems for the night. I didn't, I just carried on listening to her drunkenly laugh down the line.
"I need a lift" I knew it. No doubt the person who was meant to take her home was passed out somewhere.
"Where are you?" I sighed down the phone. I heard Alice pause and ask someone where she was. The person replied with heaven and Alice laughed. She finally got the right answer from a girl.
"I'm at Adam Blakes house" Alice spoke. I said I would be there soon and to look out for me before I hung up and put on some appropriate clothes. I brushed my long tangled black hair. I stared at the mirror on the wall at my tired green eyes. They had seen enough to drive anyone insane. I was small in height and lacked in the correct weight due to missing alot of meals growing up. Alice always said she wished she was pretty like me. All I saw was bones and face made of bad memories. I sighed and jogged out the house. I jumped into the family car which was basically mine now because I was the only one who used it. It was small and cheap to run. I could afford it with my part time job at the dinner down town. I knew where Adam Blakes house was because we were once assigned to each other when we were little for our schools walk home buddy system. He was a good guy and had been popualr at school. It had been half a year since I had graduated.
When I arrived outside the house I checked myself in the mirror before I left the car and walked across the lawn to the front door. The music was blaring and people where chucking things out of windows from upstairs. I could see the neighbours windows curtains shuffling. The police would no doubt turn up soon. I got inside and groaned. The house was packed full of people. I could smell alcohol everywhere and the music made my head throb. I was tempted to just stay and get lost within the crowd. Alice was no where in sight. I pulled out my phone and called her. It rung for a while before I gave up and clicked it off. I preceded through the crowd looking for familiar faces. I found a few but they were too drunk to give me proper answers. I found the kitchen at the end of the house. A few people occupied it just filling up cups before leaving the room. I hopped up on the the unit and plucked out my phone again and saw I had a text from Alice
Where are you? I just saw youb car outsiide! kxkxkd - Alice. her drunk texts were terrible. A few more people came and left the kitchen.
in the kitchen. I replied. I knew I was in for a long wait. Alice would stop a few times to talk to people and would trip over alot before she got her. I put my phone back in my pocket and pushed off the unit to pour myself a coke. I plucked a red cup out of a packet and grabbed the unopened coke. I would rather be safe than sorry. I didn't fancy pouring myself a spiked drink.
"Finally a quiet place!" A guy behind me sighed. I turned round and smiled when I saw Adam standing there leaning on a unit. He had always been tall. His hair was now styled and cut short instead of the mop of a mess he had in school. He had been popular at school for his looks and personality not like most of the other people who bullied to get to the top. Adam smiled at me.
"I'm just here to pick up Alice" I chirped. Adam smirked.
"I just saw her talking to a door handle, looked like it was a pretty deep conversation" Adam informed. I brushed my hand through my hair and groaned. Alice was a terrible drunk. Adam poured himself a drink and hopped up on to the unit and patted the spot beside him. I walked over and sat beside him.
"Where are your parents?" I asked.
"Out of town for the week. My brother is looking after me but he has a new girlfriend so he has been pretty busy" Adam winked at me and I choked on my drink. I didn't want to know what his brother got up to. "I was surprised when you didn't turn up earlier what with you partying ways"
"I had other stuff to do tonight but then I got a call from Alice and here I am". Adam nodded and took a sip of his drink. "Looking forward to cleaning up this mess tomorrow?"
"I don't even want to talk about it. Did you see what they were doing upstairs?" I nodded and Adan carried on "I told them off but drunk people are hopeless" Adam looked down at my drink and laughed. "Wow Narie there is 0% alochol in there!" I huffed.
"I need to drive" Adam just smirked. Alice staggered into the kitchen and rubbed her eyes when the bright lighten hit her. "Fuck, Alice how much did you drink?" I cried and walked over to her looking her over. All I got was a grumble from her. sighed and took her arm. I turned round to wave good bye to Adam he waved back with an amused smile on his face.
"Goodnight Narie" He called after us. I dragged Alice to the car and looked at the state she was in. I turned the car on and took her home to a furious mother.