3. The other perspective
It was winter the snow had started to fall and it was getting cold. it had been two months me and adam had become official but there was some things i still wanted to know. We approached my room as another magical moment happened first we were kissing then my legs are wrapped round he's gorgeous body. I love you he whispered in my ear. I love you to. We fell into bed. i must of watched him sleeping for two hours i stroked his pale face. He woke i lay looking at him. " you know Beth you must have the most beautiful eyes and smile and lips he kissed every part of me that he loved the most. Ads? " Yes beautiful? what do you think when you think about me and our future. Beth you are the most beautiful Human i have ever laid my eyes on. if i could make you a star in the sky you'd be the biggest most beautiful star in the sky. Id make all the other stars Jealous of you. You need to know id do anything for you to make you happy. He lit a cigarette. I'm going to die one day then what's going to happen. i saw the pain in his eyes his eyes teared up. " i can't talk about this losing you would be to painful. he pulled my hand and put it on his chest. " feel my heart when i look at you it beats for you. losing you would be like losing the moon and the sun we'd be in eternal darkness and i will be if i lose you. He kissed me. "Fuck the cigarettes" i don't need them i just need you he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, tears dripped down his cheeks i love you. the shaking began uncontrollable " i want you to be better i wish you would get better. I want until we get old together" tell me will that happen!?! I dont know i don't it will happen unexpectedly. " then i will spend every night day morning with you i don't care i will. Lets be crazy lets get a flat live together for a while. We need to take every opportunity.
With everything he said i wanted it more than ever. My heart was saying grab this opportunity my head was appalled and saying no which was i listening to. Im confused i cant do this to you to me. this will end up in heartbroken i need to go home. " Lauren wait" a single kissed was place on my burning lips im coming with you i promised id spent twenty four seven with you. This could be our last night together for all you know. so let me come?
Fine i said im sorry i do love you . but this is so painful to see you go through this. Give me a cigarette. " no beth i refuse to do that" I snatched the packet and lit it. This is for me adam for me okay. its making me feel good. " this isnt a good idea your immune system could fail more quickly. Im going to die anyway lets go to mine.
I felt bad for smoking but puffing away while he was asleep was the thing that was making me feel more human. Then it clicked what i was doing was wrong i was using this as a way to escape im not healthy enough to do this i chucked the half out of the window. my elbows reached the window sill i put my hands on my face. This had been the first id cried in two months i was ill again. It was going bad again. Why though .....
Thats when it happened.
blood poured endlessly out of my nose don't look at me tears and blood streamed all over my face. i passed out.
all the things i can remember is been carried into an ambulance, hearing my dads voice hearing adams voice then they disappeared this pass outs were becoming black outs but with noise.