****Where They (Try to) Move On****
Nicki Minaj's Anaconda Is blaring through the speakers, her squeaky voice pounding into my head. The heavy scent of alcohol and cigarette smoke burning my nostrils. Half naked women dancing like sluts with half naked men grinding against them in dance and groping them, hoping to get lucky tonight. I hate clubs and I hate Donald for dragging me to one tonight. I hate Beca for leaving me and forcing me to go to this club. But mostly, I hate myself for giving Beca a reason to leave, forcing myself here tonight.
I watch the drunks around me strangle each other with their tongues as I gulp down my third beer. I don't want to forget Beca but I've got to do something to make myself feel better and the alcohol helps. After about my fifth drink I feel like socializing. Almost drunk, I slump out of my chair and walk through through the crowd of people.
I trip over something and prepare for the impact of the hard floor colliding with my face instead it collides with a human being. I look up to see a woman smiling down at me. For a moment, it looks like Beca but when I wipe my eyes the true identity is revealed. "Woah, you seem a little drunk."
"I'm not drunk, you're just blurry." I replied as I straightened myself up. "I'm Jesse." I extended my hand to her. Still carrying that smile, she shook my hand and introduced herself as Samantha. "Samantha." I repeated, planting her name in my brain. "What do you say we go somewhere a little more quiet?"
"I don't know. I only just met you." she replied and I playfully sighed. "What?" she asked. "Nothing. It's just, you women."
"What about us?"
"You guys think that when a man asks if you want to go somewhere quiet it automatically means we're gonna try to pursue you. I just wanna talk, you know, make a new friend." Her smile got bigger. "So, what do you say?"
"Ok, sure." I offered her my and she took it. I led her outside of the building, away from the music and people. "Wow, it's beautiful out here." She said as she stared up at the sky. I followed her gaze. "Yeah, it is." I looked at her as she looked at the sky. "Follow me."
She looked at me and I gestured toward a ladder on the side of the building. She hesitantly followed me and helped her onto the ladder. Once up there, she was awed by the beauty of the sky. "How did you know about this?" She asked and the heartwrenching memories flowed through my half intoxicated mind.
I remembered the time Beca and I were running from the security because of a misunderstanding at the mall. Though we were getting into trouble for something we didn't do, we couldn't stop laughing as we ran. We came to a dead end and Beca turned to me for an escape. I saw the ladder and directed her to it. Wasting no time we climbed it and watched the security guys scramble in confusion, wondering where we went. After we watched them retreat to the mall, we spent the remainder of the night making out under the stars and listening to the music of the club. Boy, were we tired the next day in class.
"Jesse?" Samantha's voice yanked me from my memories. "Are you ok?" With a small smile I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"What's her name?" Her question shocked me. "What?" I asked. "The girl you're trying to get over, what's her name?"
"How'd you know?" I asked. She reached over and pulled a picture out of my front pocket. "Guys don't normally carry pictures of exceptionally beautiful women in their pockets, especially not to a club."
"I'm sorry. I don't normally use women to my advantage but this girl is special. She makes me do crazy things."
"Love can do that to a person. Who is she?"
"Her name is Beca Mitchell. She's the mother of my child. We were gonna be married but, something happened."
"I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, she made a mistake in leaving you. You're a great person."
"No, she didn't make a mistake. I did."
"Can I ask, what happened?" I took a long breath to try and stop the tears. "Can we sit down first?" She nodded and we sat close to the edge of the flat roof. "I'll probably cry as I explain this." I gave her a warning. "That's completely understandable."
"Ok, well for starters, she was my girlfriend throughout college. We were in love and everybody knew it. She was one of those girls who saved herself for the right guy and I respected that. When graduation rolled around, she was ready. We went back to her dorm and you can imagine what happens next." I paused for a moment.
"Then the next day, after our a Capella groups practiced our graduation performance, we did it again in the empty auditorium. I didn't talk to her again during take practice because with her last name starting with M and mine with S, we weren't very close. Next thing I know, her and her friend Stacie are rushing off to the bathroom. They were in there for the remainder of the practice and I couldn't find Beca afterward.
Finally, about five minutes before the real graduation ceremony, I found her. I was so happy to see her but the look on her face told me something was wrong. I thought she was gonna break up with me but when she pulled that stick with the practice sign on it out of her pocket, I froze, losing all control over my body. I didn't know what to say. We were having a baby and we were only 24.
When I did say something, it wasn't anything useful. She told me not to worry about it and that she'll take care of it all. But, I wasn't gonna lose her. She meant the world to me and I wasn't about to let her go. I knew I wanted to marry her and if taking a baby along with her is what I had to do then so be it because I will love my son just as much as I love his mother." I stopped talking as I fought to hold back the tears.
"I was called up to get my diploma and I made a speech for her. I asked her to marry me and she said yes. After graduating, we moved in together and I took care of her. Then one night I went for a guys night. I wasn't gonna go but Beca told me to so I did. I stupidly got drunk and listened to a bull story from someone I thought was my friend. Turns out he liked Beca and when she turned him down he did everything he could to get back at her. I just can't believe I actually listened to him, that is the worst mistake of my life. It cost my child and the woman I love, there's nothing I will ever regret more."
"What did this so called friend say to make you lose your trust in your fiance?"
"Its stupid, really. He gave me this pretty solid story on how she cheated on me with him and got pregnant. He then said that she proceeded to have sex with me to make me think the baby is mine. I should've spotted the bullsh*t the moment it came out but I didn't and I'm screwed. I mean what person in their right mind would have sex with someone in an outhouse at a fair? That's so gross."
Samantha didn't say anything else and neither did I. She just gave me an understanding nod and we stared up at the stars in complete silence.
I come home to the babysitter and AJ passed out on the couch together. The tv was still on and I noticed the one movie that I tried to steer clear of playing on the screen, The Breakfast Club. I don't hate it, it just brings back memories. AJ, being the child of the man in the memories, will probably get hooked to the movie and I'll never hear the end of it.
Before turning the tv off I stop and watch the ending of it because, as Jesse would always say, the endings are the best part. I watch Judd Nelson do his legendary fist pump and find myself singing along to that legendary song.
"Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't you forget about me. I'll be alone dancing you know it baby." I sang as I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered the two passed out boys with it. After turning the tv off, I proceeded to sing as I went to check on my mother. I cracked the door open and peeked inside.
"Beca honey, is that you?" I heard my mom's weak voice. Ever since the chemo she hasn't been in very good shape. It's like the medicine is making her worse or something. "Yeah mom, its me."
"I thought I heard beautiful singing." My mom knows just how to flatter me. "Come here, sweety. I wanna see you. You've been gone all day and mommy misses you."
"Mom, don't you think I'm a little too old for you to be using third person perspective?"
"It works for AJ, why not you?"
"AJ's two, he's still a baby. I'm 26, not a baby."
"But you are because no matter how old you get, you will always be my baby girl. Now come here." I stepped inside and quietly closed the door behind me. I walked across the room and carefully sat on the edge of my mother's bed. She took my hand in hers and began to speak. "While you were away, I did some thinking."
"Well that's dangerous." I joked. She laughed but it was cut off by a hack. "Don't make me laugh, this is serious." She said when she could speak again. "Sorry."
"Anyway, I was thinking about how little time I have left on this earth. I realized that I've never made the list of people that I want at the funeral and that I've never made a will. But most importantly, I never gave one thought to my last wish. Well today, I've figured out my last wish and it's all thanks to your boy."
"What's your wish?"
"AJ came into my room today and we played a game of Candyland. He absolutely loved it and we played multiple rounds. Does this sound familiar?" A small smile formed on my face as I thought. "Jesse. That was his favorite game. We would play for hours."
"Bingo. It wasn't until today that I realized just how much like his daddy that boy is. He has his eyes, his sense of humor, his interests."
"Where are you going with this, mom? How does this have anything to do with your last wish?" I asked, putting a stop to the torture. "Beca, I've seen the way you look at AJ."
"Yeah, everyone does. He's my son and I love him. It shows through my eyes as with everyone else."
"I know and that is partially true."
"Partially true? Mom, I think I know how I look at my own son."
"You feel pain when you look at him." Her words shocked me and I didn't respond. "I can see it your eyes. I know you love AJ, there's no doubt about that, but I also know that AJ brings you pain because he is so much like his daddy. Jesse is the only man you've ever loved since your father cheated on me. When Jesse accused you of making the same mistake as your dad I know it must've hurt and now every time you look at your son, you're reminded of your lost love."
A tear rolled down my cheek. "Why are you doing this to me?" I asked. "Just hear me out sweety." She said as she wiped the tear away.
"I know how happy Jesse made you and vice versa. I know that even if you try, you can't find anyone that can replace him. Well baby, that's my wish. I want you to find your happy ending. Find your true love and live a long happy life together."
"Mom, Jesse and I-"
"I didn't say it had to be Jesse. I just want you to find one man that you love and that loves you and AJ and will always take care of you guys. I personally think Jesse would be your perfect match because you two were always happy and together and he loves you more than anything but what do I know? I'm just your mom."
"Thanks mom. That's very generous of you but I think I'm done with guys and dating. The only man I need in my life is my baby boy."
"Oh no, don't give up on men yet. You're still young, Bec. You have plenty of time to do some soul searching and find your match. There is someone out there for everyone, you'll find him."
"Thanks mom." I said with a warm smile. "If you need some help starting I heard your babysitter tell one of his friends that he thinks you're a milf. I don't know what the h*ll that is but I assume it's good."
"What is a milf?" She asked when I caught a sudden case of the giggles. "Uh, it means Mother I'd Like to F*ck." She looked confused but then it clicked like a lightbulb. "Oh that's just weird. Isn't he like 10 or something? How does he know what those words mean?"
"He's not 10, he's almost 20."
"And you let him around your son? What's wrong with you?"
"He's a good kid, mom."
"But you just said he's not a kid."
"He's not but he's younger than me so he is." I said as I stood up and pulled her blanket over her. "Now, get some sleep."
"Oh alright. I love you sweetheart." She said. "I love you, too, mom." I leaned over and kissed her forehead before clicking her lamp off.
I closed the door and when I turned around I was scared half to death. AJ was standing in the dark hallway and the sound of his voice startled me. "Mommy, I had a bad dream."
"Awe, what happened?" I asked, kneeling down in front of him. "There were monsters and they ate you. It was scary."
"Its ok, buddy. It was just a dream. I'm right here." I said as he clung onto me. "You wanna sleep with me tonight?" He nodded his head without removing it from my neck. "Ok, come on." I picked him up and carried him to my room.
I laid him on my bed and curled up next to him. He cuddled into my neck (like Lou in Blended) and immediately fell asleep. I rested my cheek against the top of his head and slowly fell sleep myself.
I woke up to a weird shuffling sound outside of my bedroom door. I carefully crawled out from beneath AJ and snuck to the door. Pressing my ear against the cold wood, I listened. There was no talking, the person was alone and just walking around.
When I heard the shuffling stop, I carefully pushed the door open a crack. I peeked out to find nobody there. I stepped out, locking the door behind me and was immediately pinned against it. I closed my eyes in fear and prepared to be raped or beat. Instead, I felt a finger gently tuck a strand of hair behind my ear before trailing along my jawline. Reluctantly, I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with my intruder.
"Jesse?" The fear I once felt immediately disappeared as I became overwhelmed with joy. "Why are you here?"
"Shh, don't speak." He said as he he pressed his finger against my lips. "Just kiss me."
"Gladly." I said.
I pushed myself off of the door and onto him. He held my face in his hands as he massaged my tongue with his, kissing me hard and passionately. I moaned into his mouth as his tongue explored mine. I held onto his waist as I melted with every touch.
Breathing heavily, he pulled away and lifted his arms above his head. Immediately realizing what he wants, I slowly slid his shirt over his head. It fell to the floor by our feet and I slowly kissed down his chest. Upon reaching the waistband of his pants, I lightly ran the tip of my tongue along it. I smiled when I heard his breathing hitch as it drove him crazy like I knew it would.
He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back up to eye level. I giggled as he buried his head in my neck and barely grazed his lips along it. He rested his hands on my hips and lightly ran then up my sides, lifting my arms in the air. He pulled my shirt off and let it meet his on the floor as our lips immediately reconnected. I lightly dropped my hands on top of his head and dragged them down his body until my fingers rested on his belt.
"Wait." I pulled away but kept my lips lightly pressed to his. "What about AJ?"
"I guess you'll just have to be quiet." I smirked and began unbuckling his belt. I pulled it through the loops on his pants and tossed it across the room. I tore at his button until it popped loose and his pants slowly lowered until they were around his ankles. He kicked them off before he trailed his warn lips down my body, leaving my skin tingling where he touched.
His lips stopped at my belly button and his hands rubbed circles on my a*s. He placed a soft, warm kiss on my navel before dragging his hands around to the front of me and fidgeting with the button of my pants. It snapped loose within seconds and he stood to reconnect his lips with mine.
He lifted me off of the ground and my legs instinctively wrapped around him. Shivers shot up my spine when I felt his finger tips trail up the bare skin of my abdomen. They moved to my back and started trying to unclip my bra. He struggled with the clasp and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped as I reached back with one hand and unclipped it. He pulled his lips away from mine and, thanking me with his eyes, he removed my bra. The cold air immediately made my nipples stand erect as Jesse gazed at my breasts.
"It's not like you've never seen them before." I said with a small smile. He smiled back and cupped them in his hands, the heat feeling great. I moaned as he began to massage them. I grabbed the back of his neck and roughly pulled his lips back onto mine. He removed his hands from my chest and wrapped them around my waist. My chest pressed against his as he carried me to my couch.
He carefully dropped me onto it and pulled my pants off, leaving me completely naked. He pulled his boxers off and my eyes immediately fell upon his underneath. He smiled when he caught me looking. I grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the couch. Straddling him, I kissed his neck and ear lobe. He rolled over and we hit the floor. Though his body weight was crushing my lungs, I managed to giggle a little.
"You're killing me." I said playfully. He chuckled and ran his hands through my hair. "I love you, Beca."
"I love those words coming from you." He smiled and smashed his lips onto mine. I heard a faint voice in the back of my head but I pushed it aside, thinking I was just hearing things. It became louder and I could hear the unmistakable voice of my son calling for me.
"Mommy!!" he yelled and I felt my body shake. I opened my eyes and peered at the dark, barely visible ceiling of my bedroom. I have been having this dream for the past two years. No matter what I do, I can't shake it. I miss him so much and life has been hard without him. "Mommy!!" AJ yelled again, pulling me from my thoughts. The urgent sound in his voice caused me to jerk straight up.
"What?" I asked. "Something is wrong with mama." At the mention of my mother, I began to freak out. "What's wrong with mama?"
"I dunno. Derek was taking me to the bathroom and I heard BEEP BEEP coming from her room. Derek told me to get you."
"With mama." I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall to my mom's room. "Derek, what happened?!" I asked the moment I laid eyes on him. "Her heart rate's dropping fast. I can't figure out why but Ms. Mitchell, she's not gonna last much longer."
Tears filling my eyes, I grabbed his arm and jerked him away from my mom. "Get out of my way! Mom."
"Beca. Is that you, dear?" she asked, lifting her hand toward me. "Its me mom." I wrapped her tiny hand in both of mine and held it close to my heart, tears slowly sliding down my face. "Thank you, honey."
"For what?" I asked feeling confused. "For everything. For moving here, for taking me in, for taking care of me, for being the best daughter and giving me the best 18 years of my life, and for giving me a grandchild. You and AJ have given my life joy but now it's time that I live with your brother."
"No. You're not gonna die, mom. I'm not gonna let you." tears poured out of my eyes as I denied the inevitable. "Oh, Beca. Please stop crying. You're making this harder." my mom begged, tears rolling down her cheeks as well.
"I'm sorry. I can't help it." She stretched her arms toward me and I all but collapsed into them. She held me tight as she gently caressed my head like she did when I was child. "I love you so much baby girl." She lightly cooed into my ear.
AJ nudged his way into the hug and we held each other. With my ear pressed against her chest, I listened as my mother's heart became slower and slower until it stopped. Her grip around me loosened and I fought back the tears as they poured down AJ's face. Sitting up, I wiped away AJ's tears and pulled him into my arms. My heart broke more (if possible) as I let him cry into my shoulder. If you're wondering, he fully understands what just happened. With my dying mother living with us for the past two years I felt it necessary to explain it.
"Derek, can you please get him outta here?" I asked, my voice shaky. "Of course. AJ, do you wanna go get some ice cream or something?" AJ tightened his grip around me, not wanting to leave my side but I needed him to. "Andrew, I need you to go with Derek sweetie. Mommy has important adult business to take care of."
"Hm mm." He refused. "I wanna stay with you."
"I know but you can't." I thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to get him to cooperate. "Come here." I scooped him up and carried him back to my room, Derek following me. "Here, take this with you." I wrapped my jacket around him and rolled the sleeves up. His face lit up with excitement and he hugged me before running to Derek.
"That was easy." Derek said as AJ grabbed his hand. "Kids his age want something of mommy's before departing. Every mother knows that."
"Good thing I'm not a mother then." He said with a smile. "Have him back in a few hours."
"You got it." He said and began walking away. He stopped and looked at me, "Oh and Ms. Mitchell, I am so sorry for your loss." I nodded as if to say thank you and he left.
With AJ gone, I became weak and I cried. I cried like I've never cried before. I cried so hard and so long that I became dehydrated. When I finally regained my self control, I needed a huge glass of water. I trudged into my kitchen and poured myself a drink. I kept my back to my mom's room, avoiding the heartbreak for as long as I can.
Finally finishing my drink, I set the cup in the sink and slowly turned to my mom's room. Keeping my eyes locked on the room, I picked up the phone and called the doctor.
"Las Angeles Medical Center, Sarah speaking, how may I assist you?" A nurse answered. I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. "Hello?" I cleared my throat and managed to conjure up a sentence.
"I need to speak to Dr. McNamara, please." I forced the words out. "Sure sweety, and may I ask who is calling?" The nurse replied. "Uh, Beca Mitchell." I heard her fingers tap the keys as she typed something into her computer. "Ok Ms. Mitchell, please wait a few moments while I redirect you." Some elevator sounding music played for few minutes until the call picked back up and I heard a man's voice.
"Hello?" He said. "Is this Dr. McNamara?" I asked. "It is." He answered. "Um, Dr. McNamara, this is Beca Mitchell. You sent my mother Regina Mitchell, a cancer patient, home with me a few weeks ago."
"Ah, Ms. Mitchell! Yes, I remember you. Your mother is a very sweet lady. How is she doing?"
"Well, that's what I called to tell you." I felt the tears well up as I spoke. "She passed away a few minutes ago."
"Oh my God, I am so sorry." That was very insensitive of me." He immediately apologized. "No, it's ok. You didn't know." I assured him. "But I should have seen it. When you left the hospital I told you one reason to call and you did and I didn't catch it. I am so sorry. How are you feeling?"
"Like a woman who just lost her mother and, as a mother herself, had to watch her two year old son's heart break at the sight of his lifeless grandmother."
"Right, stupid question. I'll send someone to take care of the body, they'll be there in a few minutes. You just worry about your family and the funeral arrangements."
"Thank you, doctor." I said as I wiped the tears away from my eyes. "You're welcome, Ms. Mitchell. And Beca, I am so sorry for your loss." I nodded though I knew he couldn't see it and hung up the phone. I looked at the clock, there's a few minutes until the men get here for my mom so I decide that I need to call someone. I punched in a number and waited for an answer.
"Hello?" My best friend's voice sounded through the receiver. "Chloe Danielle Beale." I said with a small smile on my face. "Rebeca Genevieve Mitchell." She said, excitement in her voice. I pulled the phone away from my ear as an earsplitting shriek sounded through it. "I can't believe you're calling me! It's been, forever! So, how are things?" I couldn't hold it back any longer. I dropped to my knees and cried, making Chloe worry.
"Beca? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She frantically searched for a response. "My mom died." I cried harder. "I'm coming over." And that's the last thing I heard before the line went dead. I slammed the the phone on the floor and screamed. That flight from Georgia better be quick.
I can't live like this.
Oh my God! I'm sorry this is so late. I have lots of school stuff with being in honors and what not. I have also been working on I Have Not Forgotten, the sequel to Don't You Forget About Me. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Another is coming soon.
Y'all just keep being y'all while I write the next chapter. :)