We Are Titanium

Ever have a love so strong that it can withstand anything? Well, Beca and Jesse do....or so they thought. After a passionate night with Jesse, Beca finds herself pregnant. After telling Jesse, she fears that he will leave her only for him to shock her with a proposal. They move in together and prepare to live their life as Mr. and Mrs Swanson when it all goes awry. After a false accusation, it's up to Jesse, Chloe's wedding, and countless romantic gestures to get the love of his life back and be a father to that beautiful miracle growing inside of her. Can he do it?

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7. Where They Put Her Six Feet Under

 

~~****Where They Put Her Six Feet Under****

A/N I'm skipping the showing because we all know what happens there. Also, there will probably be a lot of song in here because singing and music is something that helps Beca.

*Beca's P.O.V.*

Darkness. Silence. Heartache.

Those three words describe my life and my dreams. Its too dark to see, the silence is deafening, and the heartache feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Yesterday was the worst day of it all.

The showing.

I saw my mom's lifeless body lying in that casket and I almost broke down. I was able to get through the showing with a minimal amount of sobs. But, that night, I went to Jesse's hotel room and cried myself to sleep as I laid there wrapped in his arms. Halfway through the night, I was relieved as awoke only to fall back into the awful nightmare that has been suffocating me for days.

(Nightmare in italics)

I'm laying there in the darkness, staring up at the black hole of a ceiling. My thoughts are scattered like stars I can't fathom into a constellation, each about my mother. Tears form behind my eyes but I do not cry.

"Beca." I hear a slight moan and my head immediately jerks to where the noise came from. Nothing is there. Must've just been the whistling of the wind and my imagination. I turn my attention back to the black hole above me and immediately slip back into my jumbled mind.

"Beca." I hear it again, closer this time. I keep telling myself it's my imagination, nothing is there. "Beca." It's at my bedside now and I begin to think maybe it's not my imagination.

My bed leans a little, as if someone were sitting on the edge of it. So scared that I'm sweating, I slowly turn my head. "Ahhh!!" I screamed at the spontaneous sight of a ghastly face just inches from mine. I jumped back, miscalculating how much bed space I had, and hit the floor.

Catching myself before my face made contact with the hard wood, I looked up just in time to see the ghastly figure heading for me. With no time to spare, I scooted across the floor in hopes of escaping it. I kept scooting until my back pressed flat against the wall.

With the eerie figure slowly flying toward me, I looked every which way in hopes of finding an escape route. Having no luck, the fear swallowed me and began to freak out. Instinctively, I clenched my eyes shut and threw my arms in front of my face and waited.

I waited for something to happen but there was nothing. I slowly removed my makeshift shield and my heart dropped to my stomach. Right there, floating just inches from me, was the almost invisible silhouette of my dead mother.

"M-mom?" I stuttered. A small, lopsided smile formed on her face. "Hi sweetheart." Her voice sounded unusual, almost distant. "What the h*ll?" The words just fell out and my mom snapped at me. "You watch your mouth!"

"Y-you're not really here. Y-you're dead."

"I really wish you wouldn't have said that." Without warning, she dove at me. Dodging the sudden attack, I rolled under her and speedily crawled to my bed. "What the f*ck?!" I questioned the outrage in my mother's ghost. She narrowed her eyebrows at me and said the one thing I was dreading, "You let me die!"

She then forcefully flew at me, causing me to hit the floor again. I frantically looked around before crawling under my bed. "Mom, there was nothing I could do! You had cancer, you were sick! There was no cure!" I tried explaining but she wouldn't listen. She just kept repeating 'you let me die, you let me die' as I cowardly hid under my bed.

I felt the bed ferociously jerk around as my mother's voice kept chanting those four awful words. Clinging to the box spring of my bed, I couldn't stop crying.

I was losing hope in escaping this nightmare until I heard the soft sound of Jesse's voice. I slowly stopped the tears as something wrapped around my arm. Gasping, I jerked awake, sweating and breathing heavily. I was in a hotel bed and Jesse was sitting beside me.

With one hand on my arm and the other rubbing my back in comfort, Jesse pressed his forehead against my temple. "It's ok, Bec. It was just a dream." He assured me. I looked at him before encasing myself in his arms. He carefully leaned back against the bed as I buried my face in his neck.

"Jesse, I'm so scared. I don't know if I know how to live without my mother." The tears stung my eyes and I buried my face further into his neck to keep from crying. "I know, I know. But you'll be ok." He continued rubbing one hand along my back as he began rubbing the other along the length of my arm.

"Stay with me, Jesse. I can't do this alone. Please just, don't leave me." I begged. He was quiet for a minute as he tightened his arms around me.

"I won't. I promise I will never leave you." There was pain in his voice because I know he doesn't like seeing me like this. I hate putting him in painful positions but there's nobody else I can count on for help.

Enjoying the beautiful aroma of his cologne, Avatar like I remember him always wearing, I slowly fell asleep. With his strong arms holding me in a warm embrace, I didn't dread falling back into dreamland. I felt his lips press lightly against my forehead before I fell back into a deep sleep.

****

I woke up the next morning with my face buried in Jesse's pillow and the blanket pulled up to my chin. I slowly opened my eyes, the light burned them and groaned as smashed my face back into the pillow. I felt the bed dip and someone's hand press against my back.

"How are you feeling?" Jesse asked. Squinting my eyes, I turned my head to look at him. He wasn't wearing a shirt and I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering to his beautiful body. "Awful." I answered, eyes glued to his chest. He smiled and gently nudged my chin up so I was looking in his eyes.

"My eyes are up here." He said playfully. "Sorry." I responded. I rolled over and propped the pillows up so I could see him better. He rested his hand on my stomach and wrapped it in both of mine. We sat in silence as we watched our hands play together.

"I'd hate to be the one to burst your good mood but, Chloe called and you have to get home so you can get ready for the funeral." I took a deep breath and let it out exasperatedly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I just, I don't know what to do. I have to be strong for AJ but I don't think I can."

"It's ok, Beca. Do what you gotta do. I'll be here for you through it all." I glanced at him and have him a quick smile. "Ok, let me finish getting dressed and I'll take you home so you can get ready. Ok?"

"Ok." He kissed my hand before pulling away and continuing to change.

****

After deciding against the dressy jacket and pulling on Jesse's jacket, we headed to the funeral home. Jesse and Derek in his car; Chloe, AJ, and me in my car. The car was quiet except for the soft sound of Chloe singing.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me." She sang in perfect tune. "I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now I see." She cut off her rehearsal (she's performing Amazing Grace at the ceremony) as we reached the funeral home.

We slowly climbed out of the car still in complete silence. AJ latched on to one of my hands as Jesse gave me a quick hug before lacing his hand with my free one. Linked together as if we weren't a dismembered family, we walked, in sync, into the funeral home.

Immediately, everyone began giving me their condolences for the hundredth time. I nodded at them and avoided their hugs by keeping myself linked to my son and his father. The only people I let hug me were my former Bellas.

Finally, the ceremony started and everyone took their seats. We listened to the minister say a few words. Then, Chloe beautifully performed Amazing Grace before the minister told us to head to our vehicles. Picking AJ up, he wrapped his limbs around me and buried his face in my neck.

After strapping AJ into his car seat ,I sat in the passenger seat and waited for Chloe. Looking out of my window, I saw something that finished deteriorating my heart. Jesse was standing by his car talking to a beautiful blonde girl that I didn't recognize. When Derek approached them they finished talking and kissed each others cheek before holding each other for what seemed like forever.

Is that his girlfriend? Did I wait too long? Am I too late? Have I lost my chance?

Questions immediately flooded my brain. I should've known he'd be taken by now, look at him, he's a catch! I shouldn't have waited so long, I shouldn't have been so scared to tell him how I feel. Sure I might've gotten rejected but telling him and knowing there was no chance would be better than not telling him and not knowing. I can't stand being heartbroken and I can't stand that a guy can cause it.

"Ok, you ready?" Chloe pulled my attention from the taunting image as she plopped into the driver seat. "As ready as I'll ever be." I said, looking at her. She gave me a sympathetic smile and I turned to look out of the window again.

Jesse and that girl had crawled into Jesse's car. I could see them, through the window, laughing and talking. It me hurt more and I started to despise the girl before I even knew who she was. My car started slowly pulling out of the driveway and I was relieved when Jesse's car disappeared from my sight.

Where did she come from? She wasn't in his hotel room. Did she just come down here to be with him? She's beautiful, sweet, and makes him laugh. How am I supposed to compete with that?

I snapped myself out of it. Of course I can compete with her. I was with Jesse for four years, we were engaged for 8 months, and I gave birth to his son. Did the blonde barbie do that? Didn't think so. I have to get him back. Scratch that.

I'm GOING to get him back.

****

AJ stayed attached to me as I carried him to the burial site with the large group behind us. My friends surrounded me as the minister began to talk. He led us in a prayer before asking me to come up and say a few words. I handed AJ to Chloe and made my way through the crowd of family and friends.

"Um, hi guys, I'm Beca Mitchell. I was Regina's only daughter and only living child. My mom loved it when I would sing so, if it's ok, I would like to sing a song in her honor." There were murmers from the crowd and,, knowing that I'm not going to sound like dying seal, they nodded in response. I motioned for the tech dude to start the music. It played through the small speakers and I awaited my cue.

"It's been seven whole days, seven whole days

Since you paralyzed me.

Seven whole days, seven whole days

Since you lost your fight.

And I can't get the last words that you said,

Can't get those words out of my head.

Seven whole days, seven whole days

And four words.

And I can't get away from the burning pain,

I lie awake.

And the fallen hero haunts my thoughts,

How could you leave me this way?

[Chorus]

It's been seven whole days

Without your embrace.

I want to see your face,

I got some things to say.

Was just a week ago,

You said, "I love you girl."

I said, "I love you more."

Then a breath, a pause, you said,

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so.

It's been seven whole days, seven whole days

Since I heard the phone ring.

Seven whole days, seven whole days

Since I heard your voice.

And I can't get the last words that you say,

Can't get those words out of my head.

It's been seven whole days, seven whole days

Of pure hurt.

And I can't get away from the burning pain,

I lie awake.

And the fallen hero haunts my thoughts,

How could you leave me this way?

[Chorus]

It's been seven whole days

Without your embrace.

I want to see your face,

I got some things to say.

Was just a week ago,

You said, "I love you girl."

I said, "I love you more."

Then a breath, a pause, you said,

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so.

I can't believe it's true,

I keep looking for you,

I check my phone and wait

To hear from you.

In the crowded room

The joker is so cruel.

And now I'll never know,

If all I've been told

Is just a lie so bold,

I thought we would grow old.

Mirrors in the smoke

Left me here to choke.

[Chorus]

It's been seven whole days

Without your embrace.

I want to see your face,

I got some things to say.

Was just a week ago,

You said, "I love you girl."

I said, "I love you more."

Then a breath, a pause, you said,

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so.

If you say so."

I finished the song with tears just falling. I couldn't stop them and I didn't want to. I wanted to just become a puddle of weakness and tears because anything is better than living a life of so much pain. I stood there, frozen in my position, staring out at the awed and silent crowd. None of them moved a muscle except for one. Jesse was pushing his way to me but I wasn't fully comprhending the moment.

"Beca!" he yelled, pulling me from my trance. I looked up and my eyes immediately met his. He slowed down and watched me, waiting for some kind of reaction. I dropped the microphone and ran. I didn't know why, but I ran. I knew Jesse would be following me, wanting me to stop and face it, but I couldn't. I thought I could but I was wrong. It was too hard and, with Jesse with that girl, I don't know if anything will ever feel right again.

I'll be d*mned if I don't try.

I thought this before pushing the big wooden doors of my mom's favorite church open. I was greeted with the normal musty smell, dim light, and gigantic replica of the savior Jesus Christ hanging on the wall. I sat in the pew closest to the front and examined the House of God as I waited for Jesse, who should be here any second.

*Jesse's P.O.V.*

Beca's performance was beautiful, as usual. It was so emotional and she just threw herself into it. She's so passionate about her music and that's one of the many many things I love about her.

After her performance, her eyes glistened with tears as they just poured from her eyes. She was completeyl frozen and I knew someone had to do something before she lost it. I began pushing people out of my way to get to her. She was breaking down and everyone was just standing there quietly watching her. I had to do something quick.

"Beca!" I yelled, hopeful to get her attention. She looked up, our eyes immediately locking, and I slowed down. I was waiting for her next move. Before I could say anything else, she dropped the microphone and ran. I knew exactly where she was going and I chased after her. My heart began pounding against my chest and it became almost immpossible to breathe but I pushed through it. I had to get her even if it killed me, which it might.

Finally reaching the church, I stopped to catch my breath. When my lungs were under my control once again, I pushed the doors open. Beca was sitting in the front pew, staring at the church decorations intently. "Bec." I said quietly, glad she was indeed here.

"Becs, can I join you?" I asked as slid into the pew beside her, my knee lightly pressing against hers. I just sat there and looked at her taking in all of the pained beauty that is her. "My mom loved churches, especially this one." she said as looked at me, catching me staring at her. "Yeah, I know." I replied, handing a tissue. She wiped away the makeupp that had smudged from the tears.

"She loved a lot of things. She loved me, AJ, you...us." I nodded at her words. "In fact, her dying wish was for us to be together again."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, she didn't say that exactly. She said she wants me to find a man who loves me and vice versa but I knew she was hinting at you. I really want to honor her wishes but I don't think I can."

"What's stopping you?"

"You." I wasn't expecting that answer. "Not only have you created a life without me for the past two years but you're also the only person who can really hurt me. I loved you for four years and for four years I was loyal to you. When you stopped trusting me, I little part of me died. I can't put myself through that kind of pain again, especially not with AJ."

I nodded, completely understanding. A semi-comfortable silence fell over us. "You know what's funny?" Beca randomly asked. "What's that?" I asked. "This whole time I've been telling AJ not to lose his faith in God, he does what he does because he loves us. But, I don't even know if I believe it anymore."

"Beca, you should never lose your faith in God." she quickly responded with, "Why not? What has he done to help me? Who shows their love for someone by taking every form of it away from them? Answer that, Jesse." she demanded. "I don't know."

"My whole life has been filled with heartbreak, Jesse. When I was 8, my parents divorced and I didn't see my dad for years after that. When I was 12, my brother died fighting another country's war. When I was 20, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At 24, I had an unexpected pregnancy with the man I love. The baby is great but I lost the man that meant everything to me. And now, I lost my mother. So tell me again, why the h*ll should I keep my faith?" fire ignited in her eyes and I prepared myself for what was about to happen.

She stood up, grabbed handfuls of hair, and screamed. She screamed long and hard. When she was done screaming she began running around, letting her anger out.

"What is the point of holy water?! It's just water from the tap that somebody talked into and called it blessed!" she yelled and knocked over the small bowl of holy water sitting on the podium. "What's with the candles?! They smell awful! Why would you want to talk to God almighty smelling like garbage?!" she threw one of the candles at the wall and it shattered. "And these crosses!! There are so many of them just lying around! Why?! There are like 10 nailed to the walls and there is a gigantic replica of it hanging on the wall!" she threw about ten of them across the room, barely missing my head. "And these Bibles, the book of God. If God wrote it my only question is, how did he find the time to write millions of them?!"

"Beca don't rip that!" I stopped her from tearing the pages out. She looked at me with an eerie look before tossing the Bible at me. She went on with her rampage. She ran around the whole room yelling out her opinions on everything in there. "And you!" she pointed at me. "What is the deal with you?! Why can't I shake you? Why can't I stop loving you?! Why do you have to be so amazing at everything?! I hate you!"

I knew she didn't mean it but the words still stung. She retangled her hands in her hair and screamed again. She ripped my jacket off and, falling to the ground, she beat it and screamed into it before throwing it across the room. She sat on the ground, breathing heavily, face red, and hair going crazy.

"Bec? What are you doing?" I asked when she stood up and walked toward the piano. She didn't answer as she pulled the cover up and pushed a couple of keys. "Bec?" I walked over to her. "Oh calm down, Jesse. I'm not gonna break it. I'm gonna play it." she said as she sat on the bench. I was about to ask if she could play when I was cut off by the beautiful sound the piano made as her fingers brushed over the keys. I sat beside her just as she began singing.

"Spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always some reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release

memories seep from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

so tired of the straight line

and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting

you keep on building the lies

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference

escaping one last time

it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of the angel

fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room

and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage

of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here

you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here"

I was in shock from her hidden talent. I waited for that last key to die before I spoke. "Beca, that was amazing. How long have you known how to play piano?" She sniffed and shrugged her shoulders before answering. "I took classes when I was 6. My brother and I used to perform together." I was quiet at the mention of her brother.

"Jesse, I'm so scared." She squeaked and fell into my arms. I held her as she lightly cried. "It's ok, Becky. Anything you need or want just let me know." I kissed the top of her head. "Anything?" She asked and I immediately knew where this was headed. "What do you want?" I asked, a small smile forming on my face.

"I want....I want to kiss you." She said quickly. "What?" I was completely shocked by her words. She pulled away and looked at me. "I want to kiss you. I want to taste you again, I want to feel your tongue connecting with mine. I can't stop thinking about it, I want it so bad."

"Ok." I went to lean in but she stopped me. "There's a but." She said. I backed off and let her continue. "But, I want you to want it. I don't want you to just kiss me because you feel bad for me. I want you to kiss me because you want it, too."

Without a word, I leaned over and kissed her because there was nothing I wanted more.

She was shocked by my approach but she quickly caught on. Our lips moved in perfect unison, starting soft and slow. I ran the tip of my tongue along her lips until they parted. I slid my tongue into her mouth and found hers. She tasted like mint and I couldn't get enough of her.

Her hands ran through my hair as I wrapped mine around her back, pulling her closer. I deepend the kiss more and she slightly moaned. Her skin naturally had a vanilla smell and my nostrils filled with the beautiful aroma as my nose pressed against her cheek. Keeping one hand on her back, I used to the other to gently grab the back of her neck, holding her close.

It felt amazing and I never wanted it to end, but unfortunately, all great things must come to an end. She pulled out of the kiss and pressed her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry." She said between breaths. I shook my head as I responded, "Don't be."

"I thought it would help but it just confused things more."

"I thought the kiss was what you wanted?" I said, questioningly. "It was I just, I didn't think it through. I wanted it so much that I didn't think of what would happen afterward."

"What's going to happen?"

"You're gonna leave. After this funeral, you're gonna go back to Atlanta. You're gonna go back to being Mr. Swanson, director of the choral department, and I'm going to go back to being the music girl at Universal Studios. We are going to live our lives apart again and, yes the kiss helped me, but it also confused things for later on in life." She ranted. I shushed her and she looked at me.

"Did it help you right now?" I asked. "Yes."

"Then that's what matters. Don't think about later. Don't even think about others. You've been doing that for years, now it's time to think about yourself. Because today isn't just about your mother, it's also about you and getting you through this. So, If kissing me helps you, you kiss the h*ll out of me. Alright?"

Instead of answering me, she just pulled me into another passionate kiss. Taking dominance, she straddled me and jolted her tongue into my mouth. Her hands found themselves tangled in my hair again as mine wrapped around her waist, pulling her body closer to mine.

Breathing heavily, we sat there kissing for numerous minutes. The funeral completely escaped me as I was sucked into the pleasure of connecting with Beca like this, again. If it wasn't for Chloe calling Beca, scaring the sh*t out of us, we probably would have devoured each other right there in the church.

I've got to get this girl back.

****

Hey guys!! I hope you enjoyed. Sorry it took so long but, as you can see, it's a long chapter.

My IBFF (you know who you are) thank you for keeping me motivated, yet again! And thank you for taking such an interest in my book. You're the best, bae!!

I'm going to give credit to the owners of the songs;

If You Say So by Lea Michele &

Angel by Sarah Machlachlan.

I have attached If You Say So to the chapter, in case you haven't heard it before.

So, imma start the next chapter; meanwhile, y'all just keep being y'all!!!

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