~~****Where She Says Goodbye****
A few days after giving birth, AJ and I were released from the hospital. No matter how much I denied, they insisted that I be escorted out in a wheelchair. After an hour of arguing, Chloe finally got me into the wheelchair. I sat there in the wheelchair and waited for Chloe to do a bunch of paper work before we could leave.
Finally, after another 30 minutes, they handed me my baby and let me leave. Chloe pushed the wheelchair out of the hospital. The moment the sun's rays penetrated my skin, I laughed. I was so happy to be leaving the hospital, I hate hospitals.
"You seem to be in a good mood." Chloe's voice sounded from behind me. I tilted my head back and looked at her. "Are you kidding? I'm out of that d*mn hospital. I'm better than good. I'm freaking ecstatic."
"Well that's good." she said with a little giggle. AJ began kicking around in my arms and giggling causing Chloe and to laugh at how cute he is. "I guess somebody shares his mommy's hate of hospital." she said carefully tickling him a little."
"Yeah, let's just hope he doesn't share his daddy's love of movies. God, that would just be awful."
"Oh you know you would suffer through it, you did with Jesse."
"Yes, suffer being the key word."
"Whatever. Let's just go home." Chloe said with a little chuckle. She helped me put of the wheelchair and opened the back door. "You got him a car seat?" I asked, shocked by the surprise sitting in the backseat.
"Of course, a baby can't sit in the regular seat." she said, blowing it off as if it was nothing. "Well thank you. I'll pay you back for it."
"Oh no, that won't be necessary. Consider it a welcome to motherhood gift." I gave her a quick hug before buckling AJ into his seat.
****A few weeks after birth****
I'm sitting in the living room alone, the only source of light being a lamp on the end table. I'm looking through real estate offers in L.A. that I can rent for my mom, AJ, and me. A sudden scream from the back room scared me, causing me to jump put of my skin.
"Oh AJ, please be quiet." I heard Chloe's voice say then it was followed by the mellifluous sound of her singing voice. "Hush little baby don't say a word, Aunt Chloe is gonna buy you a mocking bird...."
I listened, waiting for AJ to calm down before I returned to my papers. After a few minutes, he stopped screaming, Chloe kept singing, and I went back to looking. Chloe's voice died down just for AJ to begin screaming again.
"Beca, I think he's hungry." Chloe said, appearing in the living room with a screaming AJ. I set the papers on the end table and positioned myself on the couch as she sat beside me. After I unbuttoned my shirt, Chloe carefully handed me my baby.
I held him close and he almost immediately latched onto my sore nipple, sucking vigorously.
"I don't know how you can stand that." Chloe said, gesturing to my nursing baby. "It's not that bad, it's just a weird sucking feeling."
"Yeah but don't they like, get sore after a while?"
"Yeah but there is cream to help with that."
"Well, does it work?"
"Is it safe for the baby?"
"Yes, why are you asking so many- oh my God! Are you pregnant?" I asked, knowing that she and her new boyfriend are sexually active. "What? No. Oh God no." she answered as if she couldn't say no enough. "But, I plan to be someday."
"Well if you're looking for parenting advice, I'm not the one to go to." I said as I adjusted my shirt so it won't be blocking AJ's airway. "I'm not so much worried about the parenting part as I am the birthing part."
"Eh, it's not bad." I said, still watching AJ. She went quiet and I looked up at her to shock on her face. "What?"
"Beca, I heard you screaming all the way in the waiting room. How does it not hurt?"
"I never said it didn't hurt. It hurt like a b*tch but, at the same time, it was wonderful."
"I'm going to need more. How can pain be wonderful?"
"It hurt because me bones were being spread apart but it was wonderful because it's the miracle of life. All of that pain was worth it because I was blessed with beautiful baby not. Creation him was the fun part, very fun. But, bringing him into the world was the magical part."
At that moment, my nipple became unexpectedly cold as AJ detached himself. I lifted him up, resting his head on my shoulder and gently patted his back. I did this for a few minutes until I heard a small burp escape his mouth followed by warmth trailing down my shoulder.
"Somebody ate a little too much, you just lost half of it all over mommy's shoulder." I said as I carefully pulled him off of my shoulder. As if he understood what I had said, he gave me one of those baby giggles that warmed my heart. "Yeah, it's funny isn't it?" I asked in my baby voice, laughing along with him.
"He's so adorable." Chloe said with a giggle. "Yeah, he's just like his daddy." I tried to keep my smile from dropping at the mention of Jesse. It's been hard to mend my broken heart ever since that day in the hospital and Chloe's been very understanding about it. "Why don't I take AJ so you can change your shirt?" Chloe asked, looking for my miniature Jesse.
After handing my baby to her, I slowly slumped to the back room. I kicked the door closed before stripping my shirt off and replacing it with a tank top. I looked up into the mirror that was attached to my dresser and stared at my reflection.
I am a whole new person.
Both my physical and mental state have changed since college. My physical hasn't changed much. I'm still short and my skin is still fair, the only change is my size. I've lost my fit figure due to the baby weight and I wear less black. But mentally, the changes are quite significant and I have one person to thank for that.
He found his way into my heart and there is nothing I can do to shake him. He has done so many things to me and my hear aches just thinking about him. Thanks to Jesse, I remember why I pushed people away in the first place. Betrayal. Human beings live their lives betraying each other I can't believe the man I love the most betrayed me. There's nothing worse than the feeling of being betrayed by the one you love, especially if that person is the one.
I'm really in no place to point out other people's flaws because God knows that I have plenty. Besides, the amount of happiness Jesse brought to my life greatly overpowers the devastation. Up until that one night, Jesse was literally the best guy a girl could ever have. I know that's corny but its true.
He was so sweet and understanding. If I was sick or just didn't feel like going out, he'd stay in my dorm with me and we'd cuddle and watch movies, I still hated them but I put up with them for him. He didn't get mad when the Bellas beat the Trebles. He'd always surprise with small things such as buying me flowers or chocolate or hugging me from behind because he knows I love that. He was always just so romantic and, though I don't like admitting it, I really enjoyed it.
He was perfect. He was the one until he made he ultimate mistake and stopped trusting me. It killed me to leave him but I can't be with a man who doesn't trust me. Then at the hospital, I wanted nothin more than to be with him again. I would have if that Emily didn't come in and foil everything. Emily opened my eyes to the new Jesse and I didn't like what I saw. He has never wanted just casual sex from me but that's exactly what he wanted from Emily. I can't be with him after that. Out relationship can't be based solely on the sex no matter how good it is.
Before rejoining Chloe in the living room, I pulled the top drawer of my dresser out. I reached under my undergarments and retrieved a little box. I removed the lid and memories flooded my mind as my eyes slid over the contents. I had filled it with multiple souvenirs of my time with Jesse including a picture that Amy had snapped of our first kiss. That night at finals was the night it all became official. I was officially his and he was officially mine.
I stuck the picture in the corner of the mirror before returning the box to its hiding spot. I was determined to push away the depressing thoughts of my ex fiancé and reenterthe living room in better mood.
About halfway down the hall I heard the beautiful echo of my sons laughter as Chloe made weird noises. A smile formed on my face when I saw Chloe carefully toss my son up and catch him. She laughed every time AJ did. "Look, its mommy." Chloe said when she caught a glimpse of me.
AJ began flailing his arms and legs around. Chloe and I giggled at his excitement. "Super baby!" Chloe yelled and pretended to make him fly to me.
I grabbed him and tossed in the air. He cackled as he came down and I wrapped him in my arms. "Can mommy have a kiss?" I asked and pointed to my lips. He opened his mouth and pressed it against my lips, giving me one of those adorable slobbery baby kisses. "Mwah!" I mimicked the sound of a kiss when his mouth removed from my lips. I wiped his slobber away before pressing a kiss on his forehead while he was distracted by the decoration on my shirt. "I'm gonna give him his bath and put him to bed." I told Chloe for no apparent reason then headed to the restroom.
"You look just like your daddy." I said to my naked infant as he splashed in the tub. "He does, doesn't he?" a masculine voice sounded from behind me. I snapped my head toward the voice. "But, he's got his mom's complexion."
"What are you doing here?" I asked the father of my child as I mentally admired his flawlessness. He retrieved the package that was tucked beneath his arm and showed me the label. "Chloe said you needed diapers"
"Thanks." I took the package and sat it on the floor beside me. "Wanna say hi?" I asked, noticing his lingering. "Please?" I moved over so he could take a seat next to me. He lowered his body onto his knees beside me, the beautiful scent of his cologne wafting toward me.
"Hey Andrew." at the sight of his father, AJ went nuts splashing even more than before. Jesse and I chuckled and Jesse flicked a little bit of water at him. "You made an amazing child." I felt his eyes on me but I kept mine locked !n our son.
"Couldn't have done it without you." The corner of his mouth pulled into a half smile before his fingers found a reason to touch my face. They gently brushed against my cheek as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Goosebumps formed where his fingers touched and shivers circulated through my body. I was being turned into a pile of slush from just one touch. Pulling myself together, I grabbed the baby shampoo off if the edge of the tub and began bathing our child. Jesse removed his hand from my face and played with our son while I worked.
"Uh tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle." Jesse repeated these words as he sat on the bed beside me, tickling AJ. His knees were propped up with AJ leaning on them. He screamed with laughter every time Jesse tickled him. Chloe walked into the room, smiling at the adorableness that is my son and his father. "Look AJ, it's Aunt Chloe!" Jesse yelled but AJ was more interested in his dad's hands.
"You are obnoxiously loud." Chloe said and Jesse shrugged it off as he continued playing with AJ. "And you, have mail." Chloe said turning her attention to me and handing me an opened envelope. "I think you're going to love it,"
"You know it's against the law to open other people's mail." I said with a smile as I retrieved the mail. With a smirk, she shrugged her shoulders and left. "What is it?" Jesse asked. I flipped it over and read the mailing information aloud. "Universal Studios Hollywood."
"The movie company? Why are they sending you letters?" Jesse asked.I pulled the paper of of the envelope and silently read through it. "They wan me to be their music girl."
"Sh*t, are you serious?" he asked, taking the paper and reading it for himself. "This is amazing, Beca. You'll get to work with celebrities and the best part, they found you a place and already paid full year's rent and utilities. All you have to do is be moved in by....." He trailed off as he searched for the date' "A week." Silence filled the air as the news sunk in.
"Is that enough to get packed?" he broke the silence. "Yeah, I think I can be packed by then." I answered. "Can I help?"
"That's not necessary. Chloe and I-"
"Beca" he cut me off. "I'm no going to see you or my son for God knows how long. Just let me help so I can spend time with the two most important people in life before they move hundreds of miles away." he said giving me those overwhelming puppy dog eyes. "Ok." I answered so low it was barely audible.
Unable to tear my eyes away, I stared back into his big beautiful ones. "I think our son is tired." I said when I caught a glimpse of AJ through the corner of my eye. Jesse looked over to see AJ passed out on his legs. "Poor little man, I must've wore him out."
"Don't move. He'll wake up and I'll have a sleepless night. Let me get him." Careful not to disturb him, I crawled off the bed. I made my way to the other side, scooped up my knocked out child and carefully laid him in his crib. "Come on." I whispered to Jesse an he quietly followed me out if the room, switching the light off and softly closing the door behind him.
"Hey!!" Chloe yelled as Jesse and I entered the kitchen area. We yucky shushed her and listened for cry. Silence. I sighed in relief. "Sorry." She apologized when she realized why we silenced her. "Coffee?" she asked when the pot dinged.
"Oh actually, I should probably get going. Its getting late." Jesse excused himself. "Oh come on. Can't you stay for one cup?" She begged. "I don't know."
"Jesse, come on. We used to be good friends back in school. Now between Beca and the baby, I never see you anymore. Please stay for one drink." Jesse took this into consideration, glancing at me for help. I threw my hands up in surrender before enjoying the cup Chloe had made me.
"Ok, I'll stay for one or two cups." Jesse caved. Chloe squealed with excitement and poured him a cup. "Sugar or cream?"
"And that's the last of it." Jesse pointed out as we shoved the last of my things into the moving fan. "Thank God." I said as I wiped off the sweat that was rolling down my face. Jesse removed his shirt and udsed it as a towel. "You have more stuff than I thought."
"Yeah. Chloe's lucky I needed someone to occupy AJ. I need to get to some A/C before I overheat." I said. Jesse nodded his head in agreeance and we headed inside, the cool air felt good as it hit my damp skin. I grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge then joined Jesse on the living room floor. We sat by the air vent and enjoyed the cool air as we guzzled down the water. "My legs hurt." I complained as I rubbed them. "I told you it was going to be a lot of physical work. You should've stretched."
"Maybe. Are you really gonna make me beg?"
"I'm thinking about." I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. "Alright, lay down and give me your leg." I laid across the floor and lifted my leg into the air. He postioned my leg on his shoulder and leaned down until it was almost touching my chest.
I'm not going to lie, a shirtless Jesse laying on top of me, it's a turn on. Before I did something I would regret later, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensational feeling of my muscles tearing apart and bleeding. That's actually what happens you stretch. It sounds gross but feels so good.
"This position has done a lot for us." Jesse broke the silence. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Look at it." I opened my eyes and examined our bodies. "You don't see it?" he asked. I shook my head and sighed. "Think about the creation of our son." I thought for a moment then smacked him when I caught it. "Why do you have to make this sexual?"
"I didn't. Your rocking body did."
"It's not so rocking anymore."
"Speak for yourself." he took a pause. "Besides, that night is very memorable." he said as he switched legs, now stretching out my left leg muscles. "It was pretty amazing." I agreed, remembering the amazing night.
"Then the next day in the auditorium. I'm glad that place is soundproof."
"I wish it were the same for my dorm. Nosy neighbors."
"Eh, they were just jealous because they couldn't satisfy their partners like we could."
"It was pretty d*mn satisfactory."
With small smiles on our faces, we didn't say another word as Jesse slowly lowered my leg more until we were close for our lips to lock. I tangle my hands in his hair and his remove from my leg, which is still propped on his shoulder, and wrapped around my waist. Even though pain is currently shooting through my leg, I held him to me never wanting to let go. I pulled away and ept a hold of my bottom lip, letting it slowly slide out from between his lips. I looked into his eyes, so full of want before pulling his lips back into mine.
"Holy sh*t, you're flexible." a man's voice startled us. Our heads snapped toward the door to see Tom (Chloe's boyfriend), AJ, and a shocked Chloe. "Hi guys." I played it cool, momentarily forgetting that Jesse is still laying on top of me. "Watch your mouth around the baby dude." Jesse reminded Tom.
"Um honey, why don't you take AJ back to Beca's room and let him play?" Chloe asked her boyfriend. Tom obeyed and the moment he was out of the room, Chloe turned her focus onto me and the shirtless ex fiance laying on top of me."This isn't what it looks like." I immediately blurted out.
After explaining everythig to Chloe, she went on about how Jesse and I need to admit we're still in love and be together. I tried nicely explaining that it wasn't an option right nowbut she kept it going. Eventually, I broke down and explained every excruciating detail of what I feel. I told her that I don't think I can be with him again just yet because he is only guy that I have ever loved this much. He is the only one I wanted to even consider to be my husband but he betrayed me. I gave him everything, including my heart, and he crushed it all. I just don't think I'm ready yet.
I stormed off to my room and demanded Tom to leave but leave the baby. Frightened, he obeyed. I'm now laying on my watching my little infant play with his toys as I talk to him. I know he can't understand me but I just need to vent.
"So I kissed your daddy. Who cares? I'm a grown woman, I'll do what I want. I just wish your Aunt Chloe would leave me alone and let me figure things out my way."
"I was just thinking the same thing." Jesse's voice came from the doorway. I didn't say anything, I just watched AJ. I saw Jesse through the corner of my eye as he came closer to the bed. "I'm getting ready to head out, I just wanted to say bye." he said. I stayed silent as I watched him lean over me and kiss AJ's head. "See ya later, buddy." he said before facing me. I closed my eyes as he placed a warm kiss on my forehead. "See ya, Bec." he said then left without another word.
Chloe came in a few minutes later, ready to apologize. She sat on the side of my bed and just watched me as I played with AJ. "Bec, can we talk?"
"I don't know. Do you think you can refrain from telling me how to live my life?" I asked. "Yes." I grabeed AJ, setting him in my lap as I positioned myself to face Chloe. "Then yes, we can talk."
She took a long breath before speaking. "I'm sorry. I don't know anything about what happened with you and Jesse and I really shouldn't be putting my nose where it doesn't belong. It's just, I can see how miserable you two are when you're apart. I want you guys to be together again so I don't have to watch my two best friends kill themselves over some fight you had months ago."
"I know you're worried about me, Chloe but I can assure that I am completely fine. I'm not saying I don't want to be with Jesse because I do but I just need some more time. I know a few months seems like a lot but it's not enough. I appreciate that you wanna help me stop feeling miserable but I gotta do it my way and I need you to support that. Ok?" she nodded. "We good?" she asked, holding her hand out for me to shake. I grabbed it and pulled her into a hug, careful not to squash AJ.
"I love you, Chloe."
"I love you, too, Bec."
Today is the day that I say goodbye and everyone is standing out in the frot yard. I don't know if I can go through with this, though. For the past four years, these people have been there for me. Whether it be getting flat out drunk or having a baby, I knew that I could always count on this wonderful group of people. Watching them now as they interact with each other, it breaks my heart to know that I am leaving them but my mother needs me. So I wipe away that lonely tear that is falling down my cheek and I brace myself for the heartwrenching goodbyes.
I grabbed AJ and his diaper bag then stepped out to greet everyone one last time. "Hey." my dad said as he pulled me into a hug. "Remember to call or text or e-mail. Just remember to keep contact with me."
"I will dad." I said as he pulled away. "And you," he pulled AJ out of my arms, "Stay cute forever. Don't pull a daddy and get some girl pregnant."I rolled my eyes and watched him take AJ to Shiela.
I walked over to the Bellas who were all standing in a group with sad looks on their faces. "I'll miss you awesome nerds." I said getting a smile from them. "Bec, you're like the sister I never had. I'm gonna miss you so much." Stacie started the cry fest, wrapping me in a tight hug. I actually hugged her back, showing affection isn't very easy for me.
After Stacie released me, Aubrey came next. "You know, you were always a pain in my neck but I am gonna miss you." she said then pulled me into a hug. The rest of the girls followed, Amy making a comment about losing one of her flat butts.
I then moved to the boys. Donald have me a quick half hug but Beni pulled me into full, long hug. I then moved to Bumper. I smacked him for everything he has done but still hugged him. When I let go, I turned to the last Treble. Jesse.
I just looked at him for a minute before he pulled me into his strong arms, holding me tightly. I held him just as tight, one of my hands tangling in the hair at the nap of his neck. He buried his face in my neck as I buried mine in his.
I pulled away just enough to press my lips against his ear. I proceeded to whisper something in it that I knew he wouldn't understand until I was long gone. I pulled my head back more and pressed my forehead against his. He didn't say anything as he leaned in and pressed his tongue against my lips. I parted them and his tongue slid in, pulling me into a kiss.
I pulled away but kept my arms around him. "G-" I started but he cut me off. "No, not goodbye. We will meet again. Until then." he pulled me into another kiss. I enjoyed it for a minute before pulling away completely. "I really have to go now, Jess."
"I'll see ya in few years." he said as I slid my hand through his. I grabbed AJ from my dad then strapped him the car. I turned around to hey one last look at everyone. "Goodbye guys. I'll miss you." I said. They all have me a small wave as they piled in a group around me. I slowly walked around to the driver's side and climbed in. Giving them one last look in the rearview mirror, I pulled away from the curb and began my long journey to L.A.
She's gone. I watched her get into the car and drive away. I wanted to stop her but I knew this is what she wanted so I settled for getting one last kiss.
Minutes after she left, everyone departed and went their separate ways. I stood there on Chloe's lawn staring in the direction Beca had gone. I was so intent on staring that I didn't even notice Chloe standing beside me.
"I'm gonna miss that little midget and her son." Chloe's voice startled me. "Yeah. I want to be with her so badly."
"I know you do and she wants that too but she just needs her space." it was quiet for a comment as Chloe and I stared down the street. "Wanna come inside? Tom made steak."
"I'll catch up with you. I need a minute." she nodded and headed inside. "Hey Chloe," she turned to look at me. "Do you know what te qiuero mucho means?"
"Yeah, its Spanish for I love you very much. Why?" a small smile formed on my face. "No reason." Confused, Chloe nodded then went inside.
Te qiuero mucho are the words that Beca whispered in my ear before she left. I didn't know what they meant but I knew they were Spanish. She took it in high school and when she says something she doesn't want me to understand right away she says it in Spanish. The point is, Beca said she still loves me.
There's hope for us after all.
Sorry this took so long. School has been a pain. I know Jesse's point of view is pretty short but it was just to explain what Beca had whispered into his ear before she left.
Please ignore the mistakes. And for those of you wondering about the Don't You Forget About Me sequel, I haven't started yet. I know, it's been months and you want it, right?"
Well I haven't been able to hey my sister to focus on it. But, good news for you, I plan to crack down and spend my three day weekend doing what I love. Writing to make you all happy. Expect the foray part of the sequel soon (Maybe).
Until next time, y'all just keep being y'all.