~~****Where She Copes with 'It'****
"Beca come on, you've gotta eat." I said as I tried to feed Beca her burger and fries. It's been five days since her mom died and she hasn't left her room or eaten anything. The last time I got a real conversation out of her was the day I arrived in L.A.
"Go. Away." Beca mumbled into her pillow. "It's been five days, Bec. You gotta eat something." Angered by my constant attempts, Beca rolled over and took a furious bite of hamburger. "Happy?" She asked as she tossed it back onto the plate.
"I will be when you eat the whole burger." I answered. "I'm not hungry."
"You haven't been hungry all week." I said as Beca flopped back into bed, burrying her face in her pillow. "Leave me alone." She groaned.
"Beca-" I was cut off by a muffled groan. "Bec-" I tried again but got the same reaction. "Fine, I give up. If you wanna stay in here and starve to death be my guest. It just means you'll leave AJ and Jesse will get custody." I thought that would've gotten something out of her but she didn't budge. I sighed in frustration before setting the plate on her nightstand and walking out of her room.
"She still won't eat?" Derek asked as I approached him. He was leaning against the doorframe staring in at Beca. He's worried about her. "No, she won't."
"I've never seen her like this before."
"I have." I answered as I looked in at Beca as well. "What did you do that helped?"
"Not what. Who." Derek, confused by my words, looked at me with a questioning look. "You'd better get cleaned up. You're about to meet AJ's father."
I'm playing with AJ when I hear a knock at the door. "Derek, can you get that?!" I yelled toward the kitchen where Derek was preparing dinner. "Yup." He said as he exited the kitchen, tossing the dish towel on the counter.
"Chloe, our savior is here." Derek said as he reappeared in the room. I looked up from AJ to see my old college buddy. "Jesse! You made it!" I jumped up and wrapped him in my arms. "Of course I did. You can't tell me Regina died and not expect me to come. So how is she?"
"Awful. She won't eat, she won't speak, she won't leave her room. I've tried everything and nothing's worked. Being in love for four years and being the only man that has ever possessed the ability to incinerate her heart, I was hoping you'd know some way to help."
"Yeah of course. But Chloe?"
"You're gonna have to let me go." He said and I immediately realized that he's still wrapped in my arms. "Right, sorry." I said then removed my arms from around his neck. "Uh, her room is right there." I said then pointed to her door.
"Thanks." He said then began walking toward her room. "Be careful, Jesse. She's not in the best place." He turned around and gave me confident smirk. "Trust me, I can handle her."
With whatever that meant, he disappeared into her room. God, I hope this works.
Why can't Chloe just leave me alone?! I know she's trying to help but I need to deal with this my way. Moping around and sulking probably isn't the best way but it's my way. Great, here she comes yet again. I grabbed my pillow and chucked it across the room.
"God da*mit, Chloe! I said-" I immediately cut my sentence off when I saw someone other than my best friend holding the pillow I just threw.
"I'm not Chloe but I'll listen to what you have to say."
"Jesse." I said, ignoring his statement. "Hey weirdo." He said with a smirk. The sound of his voice saying my old pet name caused my heart to skip a beat. "What are you doing here?" I asked. He pointed to the door, "Chloe called me. Can I sit?" I nodded and he sat on the bed in front of me.
"You could've called me, Bec." He said very softly. "There was nothing to say."
"We both know that's a bunch of bullsh*t." He paused. "Beca, your mom died." He said after a moment. "Please don't remind me." I begged, tears filling my eyes at the mention of my mother. "But you need to be reminded. You need to be reminded that you're not the only one suffering, that life doesn't stop, that you still have responsibilities, that you're allowed to feel."
"I am feeling."
"No, you're bottling it up. You need to really feel or you'll never get passed this." He explained. "I can't." I said. "You can and you have to."
"No, I really can't. I can't let go, I can't let myself cry." I balled my hands Into fists, digging my nails into my palms. "Why?" He asked taking my hands and removing my nails from my skin. I looked down at our hands as his fingers gently ran across the crescent shaped indentions. "What's got you too scared to show emotion?"
"I'll never stop crying. I won't be able to. The night she... I cried so long and so hard it took all I had to stop. And I know that if I cry now then I won't be able to stop, at least not for a very long time."
"How do you know?"
"Because it's happened to me before. It was when we, stopped being we. I was devastated. You're the only guy I ever felt that way about and when we ended, I wasn't ready. It was too abrupt and my heart shattered and I spent moths crying." He was quiet for a moment and I could see that I struck a nerve with the us talk.
"You'll be able to stop, I promise." He finally said. "How can you be so sure?" I asked. "Because you have me. Because I loved your mother as if she was my own and I'm hurting, too. You need someone and so do I. I'm here for you, always. I won't leave until you're better. You can lean on me." The tears wanted to fall and I knew I couldn't fight them but I had to be sure that he was serious.
"You promise?" I asked, tears starting to roll down my face. "With everything I am." He answered, looking deep into my eyes.
For the first time in a week, I cried. I straddled his lap, burried my face in his neck, and cried. Jesse held me tight as he caressed me and whispered sweet, encouraging words into my ear. For the majority of that afternoon, I sat in Jesse's arms as he let me get it all out.
Somewhere between all of the screaming and crying, I got Beca to lay down. I held her as she snuggled into me and cried herself to sleep. Her head is resting on my chest and I can hear the soothing sound of her relaxed breathing. I think she's starting to come to terms with everything.
About an hour later, Beca is still sleeping on me and my arm is starting to become numb from the lack of blood circulation. Hoping to relieve some of the numbness, I wrapped my arm around her more. It helped a little bit but not enough. I had to move but first, I placed a light kiss on her forehead. She shuffled around a little before her eyes fluttered open.
"Sh*t. Did I fall asleep on you?" She asked as she stretched out. I smiled and nodded. She let her body go limp and propped her head up on her arm. "Sorry about that."
"No apologies needed. I'm just glad you got some sleep." She gave me that same beautiful smile that I've had burned into my brain for years. "Jesse, you really helped me today. I feel so much better. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."
"I can think of a way." She gave me a look and I realized what I had just said. "Oh no, not like that. I wouldn't ask that, unless of course you want to. Then I'd be willing t-"
"Ok lover boy." She cut me off with a giggle. "What did you have in mind?"
"You...can come out and eat dinner with us. I mean really eat and I mean really sit with us in the dining room."
"Ok." She said with a shrug of the shoulders. I crawled out of the bed and offered her my hand. She grabbed it and I carefully pulled her out of the bed. "Wait, I need to change. AJ really doesn't need to see this much of his mom. Not now, not ever."
"Good point." I thought for a second then pulled my jacket off. "Here, put this on." She turned her back to me and I slid my jacket onto her. She took a second to zip it up. "There. As beautiful as ever."
We stepped out of Beca's room, hand in hand. Chloe and Derek were sitting at the table, enjoying their dinner and talking and laughing.
"Beca?" Derek said questioningly when he saw us at the doorway. Chloe's head immediately snapped this way and her fork clinged against her plate. "Oh my God. You actually did it."
"Yup." I said with a smile. "And without ripping each other's clothes off. Amazing." Beca cleared her throat and bit her cheek. "Ok, so what are we having for dinner?"
"You're joining us for dinner?" Derek asked. Beca's hand tightened around mine as she nodded in response to Derek's question. "Jesse, you're a miracle worker." Derek said as gladly stood and grabbed two extra plates from the cabinet.
"Um, there's something I gotta do." Beca whispered to me. "Ok." I said and released her hand. She walked over to Chloe. They exchanged words that I couldn't hear then I saw Chloe's arms wrap around her waist as she and Beca shared a hug.
"Ok, let's eat!" Derek yelled filling two plates with lasagna. "Shhhh!" Chloe loudly shushed him, spit spraying across the table. "AJ is asleep."
"Mommy!!!!" AJ suddenly screamed. "Not anymore he isn't." Beca said as she pushed her chair away. Derek flinched away when she gave him a stern glare before heading to AJ's room.
Chloe waited for her to vanish from our sight before she turned to me. "So, spill"
"Spill what?" I asked then took a bite of lasagna. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Did something happen?" She asked. "Yeah. I helped her cope."
"Well I know that. Did anything else happen?"
"No. Was something supposed to happen?" I asked, feeling kind of confused. "You two were in that room alone for hours and you're telling me that nothing romantical happened at all."
"That's exactly what I'm telling you."
"But she's wearing your jacket."
"She was cold and didn't want to get dressed. Chloe, what's up with you? Why do you think something romantical would happen?"
"Ugh! Are you serious?! Are you really that clueless? Do I have to spell it out for you?" Chloe asked. I gave her a blank look. "I guess so. You're not over each other!"
"Ohhhhh. Oh" I said. "Don't be ridiculous. She's so over me, she's got him." I said, pointing to Derek. "Me? Her boyfriend?" He asked then burst into laughter. "I'm her manny, I get paid to watch AJ. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to knock boots with her....multiple times, she's freaking hot. But, in the two years I've known her, she hasn't so much as looked at guys."
"Really?" Excitement rushed through my body because Lord knows I'm not over her. "Yeah. Of course she's been pretty occupied with her job and being a good mother to AJ."
"Oh f*ck that bullsh*t excuse. Jesse, wake the f*ck up and smell the d*mn coffee. I don't give a flying f*ck how much you guys deny it, it's as plain as day that the two of you still have feelings for each other. Now I know that you have balls because Beca couldn't shut up about it, so use them and get your girl." Chloe said, scaring me with the excessive use of curse words.
"I wish it were that easy, Chloe, but it's not. She's built a life here in L.A. that doesn't involve me. I can't just swoop in and ask to just go back to the way it used to be." She let out an exasperated sigh. "You're right."
"Look, there's nothing I want more than to have Beca and AJ back in my life but this is a touchy feely time. I've got to be careful with my approach. She's just starting to open back up, I don't want her to close back up." I explained. "But, Jeca?" Chloe whined, poking out her bottom lip. Raising my brow at her I asked, "What?"
"Beca + Jesse = Jeca. Duh." She answered as a matter of factly. I gaped at her and she just gave me a 'so what' look. I stabbed my fork into to the half eaten slab lasagna before wiping mouth and preparing to speak.
"I'm not saying Jeca is absolutely done." I put air quotes not the word Jeca." I'm just saying that I need to take it slow."
"Take what slow?" Beca's sudden voice startled everyone and we struggled to find an applicable excuse. "Eating. You gotta eat slow or you could choke." Derek jumped to our rescue. "Um, ok." Beca dragged out her words and I saw the uneasy look of suspicion in her eyes.
"Don't worry about it, Bec. It's nothing you need to worry about. Now, sit and fulfill your promise to me." She slowly dragged her eyes across the table towards me. That same beautiful smile that was burned in my brain came across her face when her eyes connected with mine.
"Ok." She said quietly then lowered herself into her chair. "So, funeral arrangements..." Derek started but I zoned out as I stared at Beca. Her beauty is still so captivating to this day.
You've got to get her back you dope!!
My subconscious is right. I need her back, but how?
Ugh, all of this funeral talk is so boring!! I know she's my mom and that's exactly why I don't want to have this talk. I don't want a dead mother, I want a healthy mother. I want...I want...to look at Jesse. God he is so hot!! His physical appearance had changed for the better.
His facial hair has grown a little (like Skylar Astin's before shaving for Pitch Perfect 2), his style has become sexier and tighter, and his muscle tone has become unbelievably large. His tight clothes outline him perfectly and its so hard not to look. Chloe knows it too, I've caught her taking a few sneaky glances at him.
As you can imagine, I'm now staring at Jesse without a thought of whatever the h*ll the subject changed to. The only thing on my mind is Jesse and his beautiful body and what I could be doing with that body right now. I draw myself deeper into my mind with every thought of him.
Beca's thoughts (Still her pov):
So warm and soft, his lips trail across my skin. From my earlobes to my neck, my chest, and finally my lips. The soft fuzz on his face tickling me.
His fingertips lightly brush against the skin on my abdomen, fire igniting where he touches.
My hands running along his chest, feeling every curvature of muscle and every beat his heart takes.
I enjoy the feeling of his skin against mine before moving my hands to his face and running them through his beautiful facial hair.
I stare into his eyes and he pulls my bare chest against his. I trace the tip of my tongue along his lips before pulling them onto mine and tangling my tongue with his.
His fingertips lightly ran up my back, sending shivers down my spine. His lips stayed connected to mine, tasting like spearmint flavored lasagna.
"Beca. Beca!" Jesse's voice startled me and I jumped, almost falling out of my chair. "Woah! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He said, immediately grabbing my arm and steadying me.
"It's fine. Whadya want?" I tried covering up my red cheeks from the embarrassment. "What were you thinking about?" He asked. My throat became dry and I could feel my cheeks redden even more. Jesse chuckled as he caught sight of my strawberry painted cheeks. "You're blushing. Must've been good."
"No. I mean, yes. I mean, it's none of your business what I mean. This is my house and it's my head, I don't have to tell you anything."
"Ok, Bec. Calm down." He said, still chuckling. "You don't have to tell me, I was just messing with you. You get so protective." He grabbed my hand and lightly rubbed it. " It's adorable."
"You're not helping." I complained as his compliment made the red from cheeks travel up my neck. "Sorry." He apologized and gazed at me for a moment. He remembered there were others in the room and pulled his hand off of mine as he cleared his throat. "So, I'm gonna head out."
"Where are you gonna go?" I asked, genuinely curious. "Uh, well I rented a hotel room for the weekend." He answered. "You know you could've just stayed here."
"Well, considering our past I wasn't sure you'd want me sleeping on your couch. Besides, you have AJ, Derek, and Chloe all staying here. You've got a pretty full house and, I don't want to be rude but, I think it would probably be best if I stayed at the hotel."
"What if I need you again?"
"You have my number." He replied. "What if I need to see you again?" He slipped his hand into his pocket as he stood from the table. I turned my body to face him as he knelt in front of me. "They gave me an extra key for the room. Here, take it. If you need me just, come on over." He closed my hand around the key.
"You guys aren't gonna like, eat each other or anything, are you?" Derek asked. I heard him whine an ow when Chloe punched his arm. "Shut up!" She hissed. "They're having a moment." Jesse and I snorted back the laugh. "Come on, I'll walk you to the door." I said quietly.
He stood and offered me his hand. Taking it, I pulled myself out of my chair and kept my hand in his as we walked. "It was amazing seeing you again, Beca." Jesse broke the silence as we approached the door. "You too." I replied.
He gave me a small nod then turned for the door. His foot crossed the threshold but I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back in. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my face found its old hiding spot in the crook of his neck. Shocked by my actions, it took him a second before I felt his strong arms encase my body and his chin rest against my head.
I pulled my arms down and rested them on his chest, enjoying the warmth and smell radiating off of him. "Thank you for coming, Jesse. I don't know what I would've done if you didn't." I whispered into his neck. "No problem, Bec." He whispered back then I felt his warm lips press against my forehead.
He held me a little longer before I felt him slowly pull away. "Ok, I really gotta go." He said. "Right, of course."
"I'll see you tomorrow." He said. "Oh wait, your jacket." I suddenly remembered I was still wearing his jacket. "Keep it."
"Yeah. I have plenty more at home; besides, it looks better on you." His words caused a smile to form on my face which sparked one his. He closed his eyes and slowly began to lean closer. Oh my God, is he gonna kiss me? What do I do?
What do you think you do? You let the man plant one on you!
My subconscious is right. I want his lips to connect with mine again. I want to ravish in it. I close my eyes and feel his warm lips press against my...FOREHEAD?!!! Seriously?!
Maybe he's moved on. Maybe he doesn't love you anymore. Maybe he's found someone else.
Again, my subconscious is correct. God dam*it!! This hurts!! Stupid heart! Stupid love!! And stupid Jesse for being so d*mn loveable! I hate these maybes because they have a good chance of becoming yes-ies.
"Ok. Bye weirdo." Jesse's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "Bye nerd." I replied then watched him walk out of the door and to his car.
He opened the car door and, before sliding in, he looked up at me, our eyes locking. I kept his gaze and smiles simultaneously appeared on our faces. He lifted his hand in a small wave and I mimicked the motion. He then disappeared into his car and his car disappeared from its parking spot. I may not know much of anything period, but there is one thing I'm absolutely certain about.
I am still absolutely and completely in love with one Mr. Jesse Alexander Swanson.
Woo, chapter finished!! About time, too. Hope you enjoyed and be prepared. The next chapter is the funeral. Tears will be shed (all in corn rows, lol).
I wanna give a special shoutout to someone. This girl was a lot of help. She was there to keep me motivated to finish this chapter and she was there to help me when my mom went to the hospital for an aneurysm. She also created the picture for this book's new cover, all I did was add the words. She has two accounts I wanna mention.
She has a fanfiction on Wattpad and I would appreciate it if you'd all read it. Thank you so much for all of your help!!
Anyway, time for my saying that I borrowed from a YouTuber. Y'all just keep being y'all!