Prodigy's Hopefully Constructive Criticism [Closed, sorry]

I will read at least part of your ORIGINAL story and give you criticism that is thorough, hopefully constructive, possibly positive, and definitely nit-picky. You have been warned. Cover credit goes to the wonderful dramaticllama Nightshade :D

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5. S y l v i a by Five.Directioner

Since this is a criticism of only the prologue, I don't have very much to go on, but I'll do my best. Overall, it sounds like a really intriguing and creative story line, and one that many writers can relate to, having created and scrapped many characters. :)

 

CC:

-Since the title is the character's name, the S should be capitalized. Also, I'm not sure what's with the spaces...

-This could be a personal preference, but the line "My character was a hero...." stood out to me. Is she not still the character, only discarded? Personally, I'd say something like, "I was destined to be a hero before I was tossed into the trash. My name was..."

-In the first sentence of the last real paragraph, you say that she was a deformity in the perfect character, and then repeat this more dramatically at the end. I'm not sure if she's really a deformity; from the way you described her, she seems to be the perfect character. I'd change that part to, "And so I was tossed into the trash, a mistake, an ideal character who was just too perfect." That way, when she contradicts the belief that she is perfect at the end of the prologue, it has more impact and makes more sense.

 

Other than that, it's good so far! Like I said, there's not too much I can say with only the prologue to go on, but you're off to a great start. Remember that these are just suggestions; it's up to you if you'd like to change anything. Keep writing!

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