Prodigy's Hopefully Constructive Criticism [Closed, sorry]

I will read at least part of your ORIGINAL story and give you criticism that is thorough, hopefully constructive, possibly positive, and definitely nit-picky. You have been warned. Cover credit goes to the wonderful dramaticllama Nightshade :D


2. Original Song Lyrics and Poetry by dramaticllama Nightshade

First of all, I'd like to say that these are AWESOME, Zee! I'd read a few a while ago, but forgotten... I think Thinking About You is my favorite, I can really imagine it as a song, which I'm sure would sound amazing. 


So, on to the criticism:

It's kind of hard to criticize poetry, because it all depends on taste and the way in which the author intends it to flow vs. how the reader reads it. Therefore, I'll just give you a few things that I think could improve the flow, but (as always) feel free to ignore me.

-I tend to prefer punctuation in poems, because it gives the reader a sense of how the flow was intended. It can be a really effective way of slowing the reader, stopping them, or (if punctuation is lacking) keeping them moving along.

-In your poem, "My Heart", the last line seems a little awkward to me. Perhaps you could change, "I see it when our four eyes lock" to "I can see it when our eyes lock"?

-In "I Am", the double negative in "I forget, but I will never not remember" sounds a little off. Maybe you could try, "I forget, but I will always remember."


I think that's all I've got. Like I said, half of poetry depends on how it's read. I, for one, love these :) I'll be eagerly awaiting the next one!!


Side note (to anyone): Would you prefer I post these reviews in chapters here or simply comment on your movellas?

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