As I am trying to sleep, the memories come flooding back. The memories that are so painful, I had successfully locked them away in the back of my mind for years, until now. All of a sudden, I can't control it, and all I can think about is dad. All I can think about is what if. What if it wasn't raining? What if I hadn't of ran across the road? What if he hadn't of slipped? All anyone ever tells me is that it wasn't my fault, I was only 2. But deep down, I know it was. If I hadn't of ran, he wouldn't have chased after me. He wouldn't have slipped, and the car wouldn't have...well it wouldn't have...ran him over.
I can hear his voice echoing through my head. His smooth voice that you couldn't help but be transfixed by, that silky smooth laugh that could cut through silence like a knife through butter. He's telling me how proud he is of me, how beautiful I am, how much I am like my mother. How I am strong and independent, but can always be relied upon by anyone who needs me. It's the first time I have really, properly thought about dad. My bed sheets are sodden with tears, and all I want is for dad to walk in and wake me up. All I want is for him to squeeze my hand tightly and tell me that it is all a bad dream. But I know that will never happen, because dad is gone forever, and he is never coming back.
I don't know what made me think of him, but something about being offered this scholarship made me wish he was here, to celebrate my success with me. Mum has told me that all he ever wanted was a girl with a passion for music, just like him, except my passion comes in the form of dance.
I cried all evening, and long into the night. I felt bittersweet about the ordeals of that day. I was so disappointed, I couldn't believe that I had not been awarded the scholarship for Riverview, my dream school, but I couldn't believe that I had been offered another scholarship at Lynchwood. The timing was unbelievable! I had heard of Lynchwood vaguely before, and I knew it was a decent school, and I would be priveliged to go there. But the decision wasn't mine...