I try not to freak out about going to bed with him that night but I do. Freaking out in a good way, but freaking out none the less. We're just sitting on the sofa right now but he looks sleepy and I have no idea what we're going to do. Do I sleep on the couch? Does he have a spare room? Do I go and sleep in his bed with him? Should I be this concerned?
"Shall we go to bed?" he says eventually.
"Yeah." I say.
He gets up and then appears to be waiting for me but I don't know what to do. I just sit there. He stretches and then frowns when he realises I'm still sat on the sofa.
"What are you doing?"
"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?" I ask stupidly.
"Not particularly." he says, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards.
"Well I could always crash on the floor."
He looks at me smiling and frowning at the same time. "Or my bed. I mean, I can get you a blanket for down here if you want but there's no problem with you sleeping in my room." he pauses. "Are you okay?"
I laugh, relieved and embarrassed all at the same time. "Yeah. I just didn't know... I don't know, I'm just an anxious little weirdo."
He laughs too, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. "Come on, anxious little weirdo."
It's strange lying in bed with him. Strange in the best way though. I've laid down like this with him before, with my head on his shoulder and my arm over his waist. I've felt his arm wrapped around my waist and his cheek on top of my hair before but it's different this time and I don't know why. In every relationship I've been in, I've always hit this point where I have a huge wave of appreciation for the person and I think that's happening now.
Ed is this person who is so nice and funny and he likes spending time with me. He has opinions on me, some of which I know and some that I don't but that's okay. Plus, he's incredibly attractive in my eyes and maybe that doesn't matter to some people but it's definitely an added bonus. And now I'm lying here in bed with him and we're talking aimlessly and sleepily and I'm so happy about that. I'm sad about Junie and my parents, I'm angry about George but I'm so happy about this.
"Do you ever wish I didn't go here?" I ask.
He laughs. "Every day of my life. You're really annoying."
"Yeah, yeah." I laugh a little. "Seriously though."
"I'm glad you go here. Otherwise I never would have met you." he pauses. "That was disgusting and cheesy, please slap me."
I giggle, pretending to slap him and then put my head back on his shoulder. "It'd be easier though, wouldn't it? Like, we could be a proper couple. Y'know, I could take you to meet my family, you could take me to meet yours. My dad could hate you, you could try too hard to impress him. We could have date night every Friday. You could introduce me to your friends and I could be pissed off with you because you act differently in front of them. All of that stuff."
"None of that sounds particularly positive, Dais." he chuckles.
I laugh, sighing. "You know what I mean though, right?"
"Yeah I get you." I feel him nod. "I'd like to tell my friends about you and stuff like that. I do kind of like how things are now though. Just us two."
"I like that too."
He kisses my forehead. "Let's get some sleep."
I tilt my head up and kiss him properly. "Night."