At Cambridge

A lot of things happened while I was at Cambridge. There were way too many thoughts and feelings and events and to simply note down, so I guess I'll tell the whole story. That's the only way it's going to make sense.

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37. Thirty seven

I don't sleep at all and I can't even attempt to listen in my lecture the next morning and Ed notices. He keeps throwing glances at me. I hope that he won't talk to me about it but he does ask me to stay behind. George brushes past me on his way out and I sigh. He's one more thing to worry about. 

"What's up?" I ask. I'm determined not to start crying or anything today.

"I want to talk to you." he says. 

"I figured." 

He laughs a little bit but it's a bit false. "Dais, you don't seem very happy."

I force a laugh, wanting to keep the mood light. I don't want to get into all of this right now. 

"Ed. Can we not talk about this here? Honestly, I'm fine."

His look doesn't soften. "Fine, we won't talk about this here, you can come to mine later on and tell me what's going on with you."

I groan, still forcing a laugh. "Ed I told you what was going on yesterday, didn't I? I just got a bit emotional, you know what I'm like."

He sighs. "You want to know what I think?"

"Do enlighten me." I grin. 

"Stop messing around." he gives me a stern look and my grin fades. "I think you've got a lot going on right now and you don't want to admit you're stressed and you're sad and you need somebody to talk to."

"I'll admit all of that." I protest. "I just don't want to talk to you about it."

"Daisy, I still care about you." he says and my stomach tightens. "I get that you see me as the older, more responsible one but honestly, I don't want us to not be together. I want us to get back together."

I close my eyes. "Ed."

"I'm just being honest."

"I wish you weren't."

When I open my eyes again there's a little smile on his face. I can't help but smile as well.

"Oh my god stop smiling like that." I say, grinning. 

He laughs out loud. "Okay. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Positive." I smile. 

He smiles back. "Okay. See you tomorrow then."

I do feel a bit better now I've talked to him properly. I'm still a bit worried about things but I feel less stressed and anxious. I guess Ed always had that ability to stop me from stressing out. I guess that's one of the main things I loved about him. I think it still might be.

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