At Cambridge

A lot of things happened while I was at Cambridge. There were way too many thoughts and feelings and events and to simply note down, so I guess I'll tell the whole story. That's the only way it's going to make sense.

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41. Forty one

"Hey sir!" I call as I wander into Ed's house the next evening, just in case he has a student there. It's a good job I didn't just burst into his house and kiss his and demand for him to make me tea or something because George is sitting there. There's kind of a weird atmosphere but I think it's just me being nervous to see George. 

"Yeah, just get that to me by Monday then." Ed says. 

"Yep." George says, getting up and leaving the house, not paying attention to me at all. I sigh a breath of relief when I hear the door shut and go and sit beside Ed, wrapping my arms around him. 

"That was awkward." I say, resting my head on his shoulder. I feel his cheek rest on the top of my head as he slips an arm around me too. 

"Yeah." he murmurs.

I frown at his tone. "Are you okay?" I ask. 

"Yeah, why?" he asks, still sounding tired and quiet. 

"You sound sad." I twist around and look at him. He looks worried. I feel a pang of worry for him as well. This is something I've never really felt for him before, I've never seen him sad, I've never been concerned for him before. It feels good to care for someone like this but I'm worried more than anything. 

He smiles a little but it's a sad, forced smile. "I'm not sad."

"Ed." I frown.

"Honestly, I'm fine." he says, kissing me. I pull away but he kisses me again, pulling me onto his lap. I laugh, pulling my head back and placing my hands on his chest. 

"You can't just kiss me and distract me. It doesn't work." I say, smiling at him. 

"It worked for a minute." he says, taking my hands from his chest and intertwining our fingers.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

He laughs a little, wearily. "Nothing's wrong, Dais."

I don't believe him but I let it go, telling myself he's probably just in a bad mood. He's allowed to be in a bad mood isn't he? I don't need to know everything that goes on in his head however much I'd like to. But that bad mood doesn't seem to fade at all all night. I sigh just as we're going to bed and grab his hand, stopping him before he goes upstairs. 

"We need to talk." I say, gently. 

He sighs but smiles that same upset smile again. "Dais, there's nothing to talk about."

"You're clearly upset." I say, linking my hands behind his neck.

He sighs, avoiding my eye and placing his hands on my waist. "I really don't want to tell you."

My heart beats a little faster. Maybe this isn't just a bad mood. "Just tell me, Ed."

He pauses but then sighs again. "George knows."

I let go of him. I don't say anything for a while, I just try to think even though I have no way to process any of this. All I know is that I'm scared. 

"Don't be angry with me Dais." Ed says, snapping me back into reality. 

"I'm not angry with you." I say absentmindedly. "How did he find out?" 

"He saw us last night as you were leaving." Ed explains, his voice cracking. 

I close my eyes. How could we have been that stupid? One stupid mistake has just made everything go so wrong. I have nothing to say. 

"He got a picture of us kissing. He says he's going to take it and show the dean." he says.

I stay quiet. I keep my eyes closed. I don't want to believe this is happening. 

"Daisy." Ed says after a moment. 

I stay quiet. 

"Daisy!" he exclaims, grabbing my wrist. When I look at him, his eyes are glistening. "Please don't be angry with me-"

"I'm not angry with you." I say, honestly. 

He pulls me into a tight hug and I hug him back, hating that he thinks I think it's his fault. Well it is partly, but it's just as much my fault.

"I'm so sorry." he mumbles against my hair. 

"No apologies." I say back and he hugs me tighter. 

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