At Cambridge

A lot of things happened while I was at Cambridge. There were way too many thoughts and feelings and events and to simply note down, so I guess I'll tell the whole story. That's the only way it's going to make sense.

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15. Fifteen

"My room mate is visiting home for the weekend so I'll take his bed and you can take mine." George says as we walk into his room. There are Breaking Bad posters on the wall so I can figure out which side is his because he enthused about that show tonight at dinner. I immediately go and sit down on his bed and he grins. 

"So you were listening at dinner." he says, gesturing to the posters as he sits down on his room mate's bed. 

I laugh. "Of course. Why? Did I seem like I wasn't?" 

"Nah, not at all, I'm just winding you up." he winks. "Can I get you anything to wear to bed?"

"Oh no, it's alright thanks, I can sleep in this." 

"Let me at least get you a hoodie." he says, springing up and grabbing one out of his drawers and passing it to me. It's big and grey and everything you could possibly want from a hoodie given to you by a boy. He grins at me as he passes it and sits back down on his room mate's bed. "You'd think Cambridge could afford decent heating, hey?" 

I laugh. "Yeah, you'd think so."

He smiles at me for a moment, a curious smile, a happy smile, like he's thinking about me. It's not a hard smile to figure out, he's not trying to hide anything, he's just making it blatantly obvious he's thinking about me and I like that about him. I smile back at him. We're both quiet for a moment before he speaks.

"I'm being really creepy right now, aren't I?" he says. 

I laugh. "No."

"Well, good." he says, still smiling. "You honestly look so pretty tonight. I'm sorry for being sappy but you do."

I laugh a little, blushing. "Thank you."

He smiles for a moment longer and then gets up, ready to turn the light out. "Night, Daisy."

"Night." I say, climbing under the sheets. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Don't worry about it." he says and somehow, I fall asleep straight away.

After that, the weekend goes pretty slow. I want to speak to Edward or see him but he's never in the library. I don't see George, we text a little bit, but other than that I'm pretty lonely. Winnie is busy doing some sort of essay and so are the rest of the group. I speak to Junie on the phone for as long as I can. She seems pretty down recently, she says it's not the same without me and I'm a bit worried but I'm sure she'll grow out of it. I've almost been here for a couple of months now, I'm sure she's just missing me a bit recently. I miss her too. I decide to just go over to Edward's on Sunday. He opens the door and looks a little surprised. I kind of expected him to speak a little awkwardly but he seems to be normal enough. I mean it's kind of a little bit stiff, but not as bad as I thought.

"Hi." he says, stepping aside. "Are you coming in?" 

"If I could." I smile at him. 

"Of course." he says. He has his laptop and everything set up at his kitchen table and I sit opposite him. "So what happened last night?" 

I look at him. "What do you mean?" 

"Were you alright?" he asks. 

I nod. "Yeah, we just went to sleep."

Please don't turn this into a sex talk. Please don't turn this into a sex talk. 

"Because I'm not saying this as your professor or whatever, I'm saying this as your friend, just like Winnie or whoever would, you really shouldn't rush into things."

He turned it into a sex talk. 

"Ed, I've got it covered."

He ignores me. "I know it seems like you should just do it and get it over with or sometimes it will feel like it's the right thing to do, but it's not always the right thing to do, Dais, and you shouldn't let anybody take advantage of you."

"Honestly, I'm fine with it all, it's all okay-"

"You've got to choose carefully when you decide to-"

"Ed, I'm not a virgin." I tell him and laugh a little to relieve the tension. 

His eyes widen. "Oh. Oh, okay. Well, I guess you're good then."

I nod, going bright red. "I'm good."

He sighs and somehow, any awkwardness from anything is gone. It's amazing how he can shift the atmosphere between us that way. 

"I was just worried about you." he admits. 

"Thank you." I say, a bit surprised that he's been so honest. "That's actually nice of you."

He raises his eyebrows, a bit of that playful attitude in his eyes. "I am nice to you all the time."

"You have to be kidding me, right?" 

"I'm, like, not awful." 

I look at him. 

"I'm not!" he insists. 

I laugh, shaking my head. "No, you're not a twat all the time. Hardly ever, really. You have your moments."

He looks as if he's going to argue but he just laughs, shaking his head. "Alright, whatever." 

We're silent for another moment and I wonder whether I should inquire more about the way he acted about George. I'd like to think he was jealous. Maybe he was. I don't know but I also don't think I should ask. I don't want to make it uncomfortable between us, not when we're in a good place overall. Plus, I don't want to get too caught up in this whole jealous idea. I might have something going with George and I don't want that to be about Edward. I want that to be about George and I. I also want what's between Edward and I to stay between Edward and I. I know I have to choose eventually but I'm not sure what I want yet. 

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