At Cambridge

A lot of things happened while I was at Cambridge. There were way too many thoughts and feelings and events and to simply note down, so I guess I'll tell the whole story. That's the only way it's going to make sense.

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8. Eight

I actually listen during the lecture today. I mean I usually listen and take notes but my mind is somewhere else. Today I'm paying full attention. I'm really confused about how I feel about Edward now. I think I might have a bit of a thing for him but I'm trying to push it to the back of my mind for now. I'm just going to try and act like we're friends (because I hope that we are or will be) and just deal with one thing at a time. 

I buy two coffees on the way to the library that evening. 

He's already there when I get there. I put his cup in front of him as I sit down in my usual chair. He glances at the cup and then smiles at me. 

"You didn't have to get me coffee, it was my treat earlier." he says. 

"Don't worry about it." I smile back at him, getting my laptop out of my bag. I wait for him to read the name on the cup. I had them put Edward (Cullen). He doesn't realise for a couple of minutes as he chatters away to me and then he just stops in the middle of his sentence. 

"Oh, are you kidding me?" he asks, gesturing to the cup in his hand. 

I laugh. "That was a good one on my part, right?" 

"Not really, no." he says but he's laughing too. 

"Don't pretend you don't love it."

"Alright, I kind of love it a little bit." he admits, grinning at me. "How's Tess going for you?" 

I sigh, looking at the book on the table. "It's breaking my heart. Alec D'urberville is an absolute twat."

He laughs out loud and the librarian hushes him and I start laughing too, quietly. 

"You're a professor, you're not supposed to get told off." I say to him. 

He's still laughing. "It's your fault."

"Don't blame this on me!" I say, laughing. 

We keep laughing about things purely because we know we can't which seems to make it harder to stop laughing. The librarian eventually glares at us so much we decide to just leave. It's dark out now and we burst out of the library, laughing at the fact that we got in trouble.

"That is so unprofessional of you." I tell him. 

"Don't blame me!" he protests. 

As we wander around, chatting aimlessly, I start to wonder something. 

"Where do you actually live?" I ask him. 

"Oh, y'know, I have a little place on the grounds." he says, pretending to be posh.

"You're not even joking are you?" I raise an eyebrow at him. 

He chuckles, shaking his head. "I'm not, no. I have a little house on campus. A lot of professors do. It's just around the corner from here, actually."

"Well, I'll let you go home now then." I smile at him as I start walking away. "See you tomorrow."

"You can come in for a while, you know?" he says quickly and then clears his throat. "I mean, if you want to. I have tea. You like tea, right?" 

I nod. "I like tea."

He pauses and then sighs, looking exasperated. "Is that creepy of me to ask? I'm, like, completely confused with what's acceptable with us and what isn't."

"I'm a bit confused too." I admit. 

"Because I feel weird asking you to my house to drink tea because I'm your teacher. But it's not even like I'm a lot older than you, if I didn't teach you it wouldn't be weird at all. And maybe it would be a bit dodgy if I wanted to be in a relationship with you, I'm pretty sure that isn't allowed, but I'm definitely allowed to be friends with you. I'm literally just inviting you in for some tea so we're not doing anything wrong at all but..." he sighs. "Is it weird? Do you feel like it's weird because I teach you?" 

I shake my head. "To be honest, I kind of forget you teach me. It kind of just feels like you're my friend who teaches me."

"Good." he sighs, sounding a bit relieved. "Because I've felt kind of weird about feeling like I'm friends with you. But you don't feel weird, right?" 

"I don't feel weird."

He smiles, laughing a little. "Glad we got that sorted. So do you wanna come in for some tea?" 

I laugh. "Yes please."

His house is so sweet. It's so little and cosy and he has the comfiest sofa in the world. Also, the best tea in the world. We sit there on opposite sides of his sofa, drinking tea and talking. It's one of those conversations where we're really deep in conversation right now but by tomorrow, we won't even remember what we talked about. We'll just remember how it felt to be so deep in conversation and how it felt to be so comfortable in another person's company.

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