Stop playing with my feelings

2014 - I was the one who no one knew anything about. The fans had no idea that I exist and Niall kept me behind all the walls, to have me all to himself. Was this the life I wanted?


21. The secret

I stood in front of the mirror with a moss green dress. It was a okay dress and Niall had bought it to me. I stared at my stomach and I was shaking all over. I hadn't dared to tell the truth to Niall and now my stomach began to look a little different. We would go to the party, as Niall had arranged, and everyone would be there. I wasn't eager to celebrate or even to meet the family. I just wanted to lie in bed and be lost in myself.


"You're beautiful!" 
Nialls arms slid around my waist and he hugged me from behind. I saw his face in the mirror and he looked so happy. I myself was just gray and dull. I felt fat and I felt ugly. 
"Thank you!" 
He kissed my neck and I felt his lips against my skin. He had been looking forward to the party and I knew I had to set up, for his sake. 
"You are so stiff?" he whispered, and he looked at me again. "What happened?" 
I just wanted to scream and I just wanted to cry. I felt that the tears were there but I refused to let them out. 
"I'm tired." and that was no lie. I was tired and I felt like an idiot. 
"But you slept half the day?" Niall got out and he kissed my skin again. I just wanted to push him away and I didn't want him to keep his hands around my waist. I was so angry, but at the same time so sad. I tried to keep control of my emotions, but after I got pregnant, it was as if I had lost control over everything. I felt the tears kept the pressure on and eventually they ran out. I was shaking all over. 
"But, darling?" 
Niall made ​​me spin around and he hugged me tightly. I took my arms around his neck and I hid my ugly face against his neck. 
"What is it?" he asked again. "You must tell me, otherwise I don't know what to do." 
I sniffed. 
"You can't do anything." 

He disagreed, and he forced me to look at him. 
"Jenny, tell me what has happened?"
I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I didn't dare, and I was ashamed that I cried. 
"I ...." I paused. Niall took his hands around my face and he looked straight at me. 
I sobbed and I swallowed. 
"I went to the doctor." 
Niall froze. He thought for sure that I was sick, and I was in itself. 
"And what did he say?" 
I was shaking all over and I felt faint. I had to gather up all the courage I had. 
"He said that I... we... you know...?" 
Niall frowned. 
"I can't read your mind." 
I swallowed again and I tried not to look at his eyes. 
"I'm pregnant."
Silence! Total silence fell in the room and I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see his reaction and I didn't want to hear what he wanted to say. I just wanted to die. I felt Nialls hands released my face and that was it.


In the end, I had to open my eyes. I looked directly at Niall and he looked at me. It was as if he didn't understand, yet he pondered. 
"Are you pregnant?" 
I nodded. 
"Just in the first month, but that's what's wrong with me. I'm pregnant." 
Niall hesitated and I saw that he had the same reaction that I had had with the doctor. He just stared at me.
"So we are going to be parents?" 
I nodded and I swallowed. 
"It looks that way?" 
Niall took his arms around my neck and he pressed me against him. He continued to look into my eyes, but this time there appeared a smile. 
"I'll be a father?" 
I nodded. 
"Yes, the doctor said so." 
Larger smile and I realized immediately that he had nothing against it. Instead, he laughed a little bit and then he kissed me. It was such a kiss that spoke about that he didn't mind to be a father and I was surprised. He ended the kiss and he just looked like a happy man. 
"So you're not mad?" I whispered quickly. Niall shook his head, and he continued to smile as if the world was perfect. 
"No, I'm surprised, a little shocked, but I'm happy. I want to be a dad."
I know I shouldn't hesitate, but I hesitated. 
"We got married recently?" 
He nodded. 
"Everything has a meaning sweetheart. Now the baby will have a mother and a father who are married and he or she will have a family, we will be a family."
"Are you sure about this?" 
Niall nodded and he released me. He looked down at my belly and it was as if he was dreaming about the future. But I was far from sure that this was right. There was so much I wanted to do before I had children.
"We're young?" I whispered. Niall agreed, and he let a hand touching my stomach. 
"I know, and young parents is better that old." 
I frowned. 
"We don't need to be parents now? You have your work and...." 

Niall's face changed and he looked almost frightened at me. 
"Don't say you want to have an abortion?" 
I frowned. I didn't know what I wanted to do. All I knew what that I was unsure. 
"It just happen so sudden," I mumbled uncertainly. "I don't know..." 
Niall took a hand over my mouth. 
"Well, we're ready." he said quickly. "We are ready to love this child and to care for it. I don't want you to kill a life." 
Okay, I understand him. That thing with killing didn't sound good and I agreed that maybe we ought to love the child. I felt no love for the baby yet, but the time changed all the time. 
"So we...?" I swallowed. "We should like to keep the baby?" 
Niall nodded. 
"Yes and I intend to take care of you in eight months to and I'll be there for you. This is also my baby and we can do it."




Everyone was at the party. The reporters weren't allowed to come in and it was a closed party. I chose to smile and I tried to be the girl that everyone wanted to see. I smiled and I was happy, but inside me, I wasn't sure. Niall and I sat at the main table and in the middle of dinner, he wanted to make a speech. I saw at him that he was going to tell, and actually, I had nothing against it. Instead, I kissed him quickly and I saw him get up from the chair. He picked up the glass and he looked over all the guests.
"Welcome to the after party!" he said with a playful voice. "I know that I and Jenny have surprised our parents and all of you, but we chose to do it in our own way." 
I swallowed, and I looked down at my own glass. No one had noticed that I only drank water and nobody knew what I had in my stomach, not yet. Niall cleared his throat slightly, and then he continued with his speech. 
"I want you all today not only to celebrate that we have been married. There's so much to be happy about and there are so many things to experience. One Direction will release an album, we will go on tour and who knows what then will happen. "he looked at me and then back at everyone else. "We also have a news story that no one knows about. Few days ago was Jenny at the doctor and we found out that we were going to be parents."
Mom just gaped. Dad put in his throat. Maura looked as if she had seen a ghost and Bobby just stared at us. I had almost expected that reaction.
"In the future, I finally get the family that I want." Niall continued, as if he didn't care that everyone held their breath. "I know that nothing is planned, what we do, but Jenny and I'm happy." 
He looked at me and he smiled warmly at me. 
"It's thanks to my own Jenny as my world gets a meaning and it's thanks to her that I see a future." 
I was about to start crying. My sensitive pregnant body couldn't tolerate much. 
"I love you!" Niall whispered, and then he looked at our parents. "I just want you all to be happy for us. Jenny and I have chosen this life and we will never let anyone dictate for us." 
Niall smiled big and he looked over all the guests. 
"Cheers for the future."

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