Stop playing with my feelings

2014 - I was the one who no one knew anything about. The fans had no idea that I exist and Niall kept me behind all the walls, to have me all to himself. Was this the life I wanted?


12. hospital

I woke up by a soft hand on my cheek. I heard voices and I knew that something had happened. 
"She needs to go to the hospital!" 
It was a deep voice and I didn't recognize it. I opened my eyes and I saw Niall sitting beside the bed. He caressed my face tenderly and he looked worried. I understood that he had come. 
"The police are here!" he whispered, and he smiled uncertainly. "I obeyed you, and I chose to not come alone, but it took time to get them to listen to me." 
I tried to smile, but my face had swollen even more. I tried to say something, but it hurt too much everywhere. 
"Just take it easy!" he continued soothing. "It will be all right."


I got to the hospital. A doctor took samples from me, to prove that Jamie had raped me. I couldn't disagree, and I was grateful that Niall was nearby. I got to talk to the police and I had to explain what had happened. The worst thing was that it didn't take many hours until the reporters found out that Niall was there with a girl. Before I had time to digest the news, it was already out on the web and in the newspapers.


I was in my own room and I got pain relief. Niall came into the room and he smiled with his whole face. Without a word, he sat down on the bed and he looked at me with his kind eyes. I understood that he wanted to talk about something. I saw it on him, but he seemed to think before he spoke. 
"You have two choices." he whispered in the end and he took my hand in his. "The management's opposed to this, that it came out. We must now decide whether we should go out in the open or silent it down." 
I frowned. Did he seriously talking about that? I instantly became uncertain. Maybe that Niall still wanted to keep me a secret? 
"What do you want?" 
He blushed a little bit, because he probably already knew that I would be uncertain. He looked down at my hand, which was in his, and he stroked it with his thumb. 
"I want us..." he hesitated. "The truth's that I think this is a great chance to tell the truth." he looked into my eyes. "I want you to say yes, to that I can talk to reporters and tells them that you are mine."
One side of me hesitated. 
"And what will you say about me?" I whispered. "That I was raped?" 
He paused, and he understood the problem. I didn't want that to come out, that Nialls girlfriend had been molested and I didn't think it would come out that I had been going out with Jamie. 
"You can't choose what they find out." he said. "I can try not to get in on the topic why you are here, but I can't promise anything." 
I wasn't sure. It felt like it all happened too quickly. Why now? 
"Maybe we should wait?" 
I was almost surprised that I said those words. It was anything against what I had wanted before. 
I nodded. 
"I want to be healthy first and I want to put this behind me."
Niall leaned forward and he kissed me lightly on the lips, then he smiled. 
"Then we wait?" 
I nodded, but I wanted at the same time to scream out that he was mine. 




Niall chose to get my clothes and he chose to let me live with him, in his house, for a few days. I had no strength to speak up or to say no. When I left the hospital, we took the back way and we managed to come away from the reporters. It was like I was living a different life. As if I were now aware about what he meant with the media. They were everywhere and they seemed to do everything to get a picture of us.


"So this is how it is to be known in the world?" I asked when we got to his house. Niall laughed a little bit and he put down the bags on the floor. 
"It could be worse." 
I sighed and I took off my jacket. I went in and I sat down on his couch. I no longer had pain in my body, but I was tired. It was as if the hospital had taken all my energy and I could barely stay awake. 
"I can cook?" I heard Niall question. He came up to the sofa and he squatted down in front of me. "Or should we order pizza?" 
I watched him for a few seconds. He really cared and he looked at me with new eyes. It was as if something had changed between us, but I couldn't put my finger on what. 
"Pizza sounds good." I replied. He stood up and quickly took his phone to his ear. I saw him go off to the kitchen and at the same time he ordered two pizzas, which would be delivered to his door.


We sat in the kitchen eating pizza. It felt wonderful to get food in the stomach and Niall talked about their tour and the songs that would be released. I listened, but what I would say. I realized the difference between us. He lived another life and for the first time in my life I realized that we were totally different. I was scared of the idea and I tried to get the feeling to go away. 


"You are silent?" 
I smiled and I leaned back in the chair. I had been able to eat half the pizza and now my stomach was filled with food. 
"What should I say?" I asked, uncertain and I looked at him. Niall hesitated and he laid down the slice of pizza he was holding. He looked straight at me and he seemed to think. 
"Honey, don't be insecure." he whispered quickly. "I know that everything will be different now, but I'm still the same Niall."
I nodded. I knew who he was but we had never talked much about his work. I had no idea what it meant to be an artist. 
"I must learn to live this life?" I said, though I doubted that I would make it. Niall dropped everything and he stood up. He went around the table and he sat down next to me. He looked straight into my eyes and he looked so confident. 
"Jenny, from today I wont hide anything." he said and he smiled. "I have already told my family that you are in my life, and I've talked to all who know me." 
I frowned. 
He laughed a little bit and took the paper to dry his hands. 
"When you were at the hospital, but I didn't tell them about what happened." 
I puffed out over that all the information wasn't out there. 
"And they said?" 
He laughed again and he looked at me. 
"They all think that I was an idiot who had treated you wrong all these years."
I couldn't help but smile. I laughed a little bit and all those other thoughts were gone. I may not know anything about what it was like to be famous, but I knew the fact that Niall would always do everything for me. 
"So your mom know about this?" 
Niall nodded and he put away the paper. Then he raised his hands and caught up my face. He led me toward him and he kissed me lightly. 
"When you are ready, the fans will also get to know everything." 
I smiled and I kissed him back. It was wonderful to be so close to Niall and I felt my whole body was influenced by him. 
"I love you." I whispered and I was almost surprised that I said those words so quickly. He released me and he looked straight into my eyes. 
"You know I love you." he whispered. "I have always loved you and you are the only one that I want, forever."

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