Stop playing with my feelings

2014 - I was the one who no one knew anything about. The fans had no idea that I exist and Niall kept me behind all the walls, to have me all to himself. Was this the life I wanted?


3. First time

Niall visited the golf course more times than I would have imagined. I think it was the eighth time, when I helped him, as everything began to change. Niall hit the golf ball in all different directions, but not toward the hole. I couldn't help but laughing at it all, and I was amused by his nervous behavior. 
"Don't tell me you lost the ability to be able to play this?" I said with a teasing voice. Niall gave me a quick glance and he blushed. 
"I don't know what it is." he said, slightly annoyed. "I should be able to, but I just can't today." 
I agreed and I put down the golf club in the golf bag. 
"You have to concentrate." 
Niall agreed, but I saw at him that he didn't told me the whole truth. 
"Jenny?" he said suddenly. "I've booked a room at the hotel." 
I didn't react. For me he was a friend and I were accustomed that our meetings just happened on the golf course.
"Okay?" I said and I noticed that Niall stood completely still and just stared at me. He seemed to hesitate to tell me more. "And you want help to get your stuff there?" 
He shook his head and he looked down at the ground. 
"I just thought..." he hesitated, and he was more red in the face against what he used to be, when he blushed. "Maybe we can hang out tonight?" 
I understood that he was trying to ask me to join him. I was actually happy and I realized that we really were friends. 
"Sure!" I said quickly, and I smiled at him. "Shall we go to the movies?" 
He shook his head. 
"No, I wont spoil anything between us." he didn't seem as amused as I was. "If the fans see us, your life will just be changed and I wont change you." 
I smiled at him. I understood him. He had told me so many times about how crazy girls could be. I myself had acted in that way before I got to know him as a person. 
"Sure!" I said calming and I went up to him. "Maybe we can find a good movie on TV or we can play cards?"
I had no idea that he had planned something else. I had no idea that he would seduce me. I had just Niall, my friend, in front of me and everything else was unthinkable. I was a virgin and I wasn't prepared to put myself completely in his arms. I wasn't even ready to be together with a single guy. 
"Good!" Niall whispered contented and he looked more relieved. "Shall we take a brake and go to the hotel?" 
I laughed and I nodded. I made ​​sure we got to the car and I was just glad that he was a friend. Even that's not even my parents knew about our meetings, he was the one who I could tell everything to. It was exciting to get to know Niall and I was grateful for every second we spent together.


I helped Niall. I took up his golf bag to his hotel room and I made ​​sure he got the clothes in the closet. Niall sat down on the bed and he seemed preoccupied. I didn't understand that he peered at my body and that he was hungry for more. 
"How long will you stay this time?" I asked. Niall stood up and before I knew what was happening, I felt his arms around my waist and it felt as if he hugged me from behind. 
"How long do you want me to stay?" 
I froze. 
"Niall, you are standing and pressed up yourself against my back?" 
He laughed insecure and I felt his lips against my neck. He neither kissed my skin and stroked it. He just let his lips land on me and he himself seemed unsure of what he wanted to do. 
"I've wanted to do this many times." he whispered hoarsely. "I've wanted to hug you, kiss you and do so many things, but I haven't dared before."
His one hand slid over my dress and up to my chest. I felt he was hard between the legs but I didn't understand what was happening. 
"I'm a virgin!" I said quickly, and I almost groaned out the words. 
"Me too!" 
I was startled. 
"You too?" 
Niall laughed and he nodded. His hand slid up and he embraced one of my breasts. 
"Please Jenny. I want to do all that stuff with you." 
I hesitated. I spun around and I felt him let go off me. I looked straight into his eyes. 
"But I'm not sure I want to do things with you." 
Niall was red in the face. He didn't know what to say. Without a word, he caught up my face with his hands and he kissed me quickly. At first, I did resist, but after a few seconds I couldn't resist him. Was this a dream or was it something that really happened?


Niall pushed me up against the wall and I felt his hands slid around my waist and around my back. I moaned by his pushy behavior, but I couldn't resist. I loved that he wanted me and just the thought of being with him just made ​​me let go of all doubt. I didn't even resistance when he pulled up my dress, to feel on my naked skin. I said nothing when he ripped the dress over my head and then pulled me towards the bed. He landed on top of me and I just wanted more. I wanted more kisses, more of him and I ended up in a different state. I wasn't used to feel the tingling between my legs and I wasn't used to allow a guy to touch me in that way.


I lay naked in bed when Niall started to pull off his own clothes. The excitement that I felt, was as ecstasy inside me. I wanted to feel his skin and I wanted to see all him before me. He was so beautiful and I loved every inch of him. It was as if I had an outlet for all my fantasies and I didn't want to wake up. I saw how he took on a condom and then landed on top of me again. I felt how he pushed me against the mattress, and I spread my legs. It hurt a little when he penetrated. I gasped and quickly looked Niall straight into my eyes. He came in all the way and it was as if he had longed for that moment. 
"Does it hurt?" he whispered hoarsely. I smiled and I shook my head. I didn't want to disappoint him and I didn't want to tell him that it felt weird. Niall smiled and he put an elbow on each side of my head. He looked straight into my eyes as he began to slowly move on his body. I felt how he slipped out of me, and then quickly slide into me again. At first it was uncomfortable, but after a while, my body got used to him, inside me.


"You are so tight and so wonderfully warm." he whispered. I smiled and I took `my arms around his neck. I forced him to kiss me again. I wanted to do something. I didn't just want to lie still and spread on my legs. Niall stepped up the pace and quickly he began to puff at how wonderful it felt. I lay there and I just felt the way he moved inside me. I was disappointed. Was this all? Was this what everyone had been talking about? I felt no tingling down there and I saw no fireworks over my head. I felt just how he moved his body. Niall was sweaty and he seemed to like it. He moaned and he grunted louder and louder. Eventually he forced himself into me and I understood that he came. He almost screamed my name before he landed on top of me, totally exhausted.


"Damn what a relief it was!" Niall said with a hoarse voice. I felt small. I felt like a loser. He slid out of me and he left behind an empty hole. I felt totally empty and I felt like a loser. 
"Was it?" 
He was startled and quickly he lifted his head up to look at me. 
"Jenny? What did you think of that?" 
I hesitated, but I wanted to be honest. 
"I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach, if that's what you mean?" 
He seemed almost disappointed and for a few seconds, he seemed totally gone. Much like as if I had told him that his mother was dead. Nevertheless, he gathered himself and he sat up. 
"I've heard that girls can't come in the same way as guys." he said quickly. He didn't sounded disappoint, but more as if he had a mission. "Next time I'll think of you." 
I was startled. Next time? Did he mean that there would do that one more time? I hesitated. I didn't know if I wanted to.
"You know that you're mine?" 
His words landed on the right place. Was he mine? I was his? 
"Do you mean as a girlfriend?" 
Niall laughed a little bit and he nodded. 
"We have to keep it a secret, but I have feelings for you." he said it with such a voice that I believed in him. "I love being with you and you are the princess of my life." 
Directly that feeling, that I had been a loser, was gone. I felt my stomach tingled and I couldn't help but blush. 
"You mean we're a we?" 
Niall leaned over me and kissed me lightly on the tip of my nose. 
"Yes, and you are mine forever."


Just in that moment, in that hotel room, was all doubts gone. I didn't care anymore if it was a secret. I was Niall Horans girlfriend and I were lucky. I didn't care about that only he and I knew about it. I was the luckiest girl in the world and I could have taken down the moon for him, as a thank you.


"I think I got feelings for you, the first time I saw you." said Niall and I felt the whole I was like one big angel. I was in heaven and I didn't want to fall down. 
"You say that to all the girls around you?" 
He frowned. 
"No, just to you?" 
I believed him and I threw myself into his arms. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to be near him and I wanted to belong to him. 
"I feel the same for you." I said and I meant more than I dared to say. I loved him, I adored him and I decided to do all, in my power, just so he wouldn't get tired of me.
"Don't exaggerate!" he whispered, just to annoy me. "I'm not a guy that you love in that way." 
I kissed him quickly. 
"Well, I do so."
Niall was happy and he smiled at me. 
"And it's only you who own my heart!"

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