I'll help you through


1. saying goodbye

I am sat on my bed, Crying Infact. Today is the day I say goodbye too my best friend Coleen, Not goodbye as in 'I'll see you soon!' But goodbye as in 'I'll see you in afterlife' so yeah she's dead. A few weeks back Coleen was in a terrible state, Her mind was elsewhere and she was massively depressed, She may have been depressed but she was my best friend. She was so beautiful, Funny and kind, I love her I miss her, She took her own life which is sad because she was always so positive. Despite the fact she was depressed she always wore a smile fake or not it was beautiful.

So I'm going too the hospital so say goodbye, I stayed in my onesie since that's all we ever did was eat, Sleep and stay in our onesies everyday together. I got into my dads care and say silently, My dad tried too say things to me but I wasn't up for talking. I would also like to mention I do have major depression, I wouldn't kill myself, I would like too but making my dad go through what I am with Coleen is horrible, So I'm hanging in there by a thread. We soon made it too the hospital after what seemed like a long car journey, I took in a deep breathe and followed my dad into the hospital. We went into the room and there she was...Her beautiful tiny self, My dad left me alone and I slowly walked in, I like to think she can hear me even though she's in a coma and on life support, I grab her cold hand and put it against my heart. 'Where do I begin...Coleen I met you at the age of 4 you were playing down our road and I remember thinking "She looks cool" I approached you, And that was it we have been best friends since...11 years of an amazing friendship!' I begin too cry, 'I promised myself I wouldn't cry for your sake but fuck I will really miss you, I'm making them play amnesia at your funeral I know you would love that, It's your favourite song!, I'll never forget your face when I took you to meet 5 seconds of summer, Wow I love you Coleen. Please don't forget me and I won't forget you, I hope you look down on me...Fucking hell this is hard, I'm not going to say goodbye in fact I'm going to say see you soon because it was be soon. I know I promised before you died I wouldn't ever cut because I miss you but I may have to take that promise back...I fucking love you okay? Forever and ever! When I'm in the car and don't stop comes on I'll remember when you walked into my bedroom dressed as Ashton singing don't stop' I laugh. 'Ill then giggle and it will be a happy thought like Peter Pan although I won't fly!, What am I going on about? Anyway, I hope you're thinking "Gosh Anna you idiot shut up you cheesy faggot" because that's what you would say if you were here with me. So the doctors are coming in soon to turn off life support so I have to go...See you soon Coleen I love you loads like I love you more than anything!' I kiss her hand and cry, The doctors come in with a "I'm sorry" face and just like that my world is gone. My dad comes in and hugs me, He takes me back to the car and we drive home. I run up to my bedroom and lay on my bed, 'There is no way I can go to her funeral' I say to myself.

'Anna, Would you like to stay at Mums? You can go home to Australia...' My dad said walking into my room, I raise my eye brow and shrug, 'Dad...' I whisper. 'Shh, You need your mum I'll buy you a flight ticket' He smiled I knew it was fake he doesn't want me to go but he's right I do need my mum. 'Just know I love you hun' he kisses the top of my head and walked out, I sighed and actually got out of bed. I made my way downstairs and dad was sitting on the couch, 'I spoke to mum she said she can't wait I have booked your flight you leave tomorrow morning...It was the only available seeing as it's the Christmas holidays' my eyes go wide and I could feel myself wanting to cry I hold it in for my dad, 'Dad, I won't go if-' 'Go it will be amazing' He smiled and as did I, I ran upstairs and got out 2 big suitcases and packed all my clothes. I grabbed my phone decided too text Coleen, 'I know you aren't here but I would like to think you're, Texting you will help me. My background is still that 5sos photo!;) I'll keep it for you...I love you xx' I locked my phone and sighed, 'Anna! You need to eat!' My dad yelled I groaned and slowly walked downstairs, 'I'm not hungry' I grabbed a bottle of water and went back upstairs, I can't eat not right now.

*Beep beep beep* 'Fuck sake' I groaned as I woke up too my alarm, 6am...Couldn't my flight be at least later!?, It's a long flight 24 hours...The troubles with living in the UK!, I finally dragged myself out of bed and got dressed into my comfy clothes, I tied my hair into a messy bun and went bare faced, 6:50am, I went downstairs to see my dad cutting up an apple, 'Were you crying?' I ask and he shook his head, 'I'll come and visit as soon as possible!' I said and he smiled, 'I'll miss you pet' he said giving me a hug, 'We have to leave now' I added and he did his I'm happy for you but I'm sad smile, I grabbed my suitcases and put them in the boot and we headed off to the airport, I checked in and got on the plane, Saying goodbye to my dad we both admittedly cried.

'Good morning, We are now coming up to Australia's run way, get ready for landing' I lifted my head up and rubbed my eyes, How did I sleep for half the flight!?, The plane landed and of I got, I looked around and saw my mum, I screamed excitedly and ran too her, 'Anna!!! I missed you so much!' She said crying, 'I missed you too' I replied she took my suitcases and put them in her car, 'How's life out here then?' I asked and she smiled, 'Pretty good, Got some band living next door to me though you may know them' my mum said with a smirk, 'Who?' I asked '5 seconds of summer' she replied I laughed, 'Coleen loved them' I said, 'I'm sorry, I know you were very close' I smiled and looked out the window. I'm not a huge 5sos fan so I won't fangirl but from what Coleen told me they're pretty awesome. 'Here we are, Now be nice to the boys I've known them for at least 8 years now' my mum said I smiled and got out of the car I was already greeted by a very cute member, 'I'm Ashton' I nodded, 'I know, I'm Anna' I said, 'You a fan?' He asked and I shook my head leaving him confused.

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