10. People change
I saw flashing lights and cameras. Their faces every where and people talking left and right of me. "Niall smile for the cameras." Louis whispered in my ear. I hadn't even realized that I had stopped smiling.
I don't know why but all I ever wanted to do was sing my whole life. Now that I'm living my dream I'm not happy. It's almost as if their is something or some one that is missing from my life but who or what is it and how can I get it back.
Ounce we were away from the camera Louis and the lads looked at me. "What's been going on with you mate?" Harry asked. I shrugged, "Nothing's going on with me." Liam gave me a worried look. "Are you sure mate because we can all tell that something is on your mind." "Yea like today in the studio instead of getting into the music like you always did you seemed to be distant from what was going on around you." Zayn said causing us all to look at him. It was the first thing he had said since we became a band. "Wow. You spoke!" Louis and Harry said at the same time making us laugh. "Yea I do that sometimes why?" Zayn asked. I couldn't help but laugh at this. "What's so funny Niall?"
I looked at the lads. "It's just really funny how fast we can get off topic is all." We always did this and I never noticed it until now. It's just amazing how blind you can be the things going on around you until the moment is over and you can't go back it. "No really Niall what's bugging you?" I sighed knowing that Louis wouldn't stop asking until I told him. "I don't know how to explain it really. It's like my whole I wanted to sing my heart out every day. Now I get to do that but I just always thought that I would love it more then I do now. Its like their something that is missing something that is part of the bigger picture and with out it I can't finish the puzzle but I don't know what it is or who it is."
Louis looked at really confused. "I think I know what your saying. I felt like that for awhile." I looked at him excited. "You did?!" "Yea I did... why?" "Well what did you do about it?" Louis looked at me as if to say do you really want me to answer that? I shook my head yes. He sighed and said," I tried to find it but then after awhile I gave up on it and brushed it off. I thought to my self at least I can say that I tried." "Well I'm not going to do that. I'm going to find what ever or who ever it is. I don't want to let this go and then later find out that I missed out on something great." Louis sighed again but said nothing. That's when Liam said, "I'm going to stop you Niall but I am going to ask you how can you try to find what your looking for when you don't know what it is that's missing?" I got silent and started to think about that
Liam had a point their how would I find what I'm missing. Even if I do know where do I start and if I do find that person or thing how do I know I'll finally be happy or that they'll even be happy to see me. I can't know for sure. As much as I want to fill this hole in me theirs nothing I can do but live with it for now. At least until I think of a plane.