A/N: This was kind of a huge spur of the moment thing. I had this huge story idea and decided to write it, and it ended up with practically almost 2000 words on my Word Document. I basically didn't proof read it or anything. I'll probably delete this Movella later. So, sorry if it doesn't make sense...at all
She faked a smile, her dimple showing on her right cheek, as somebody asked if she was okay. She assured them that she was fine, that there was no need to worry about her. Her dark brown eyes wondering around the classroom, carefully studying her classmates. How they interacted with each other, talked, gossiped about the latest couple that were going out. How the boys mucked about, annoying each other. How the girls giggled to themselves, chatting about what they did on the weekend, whose party they were going to next, planning their next outing with each other.
She would love to be a part of that. Talking to a group of friends that would actually care about her, invite her to sleepovers, shopping trips and anything normal teenage girls would do together. Not that she didn’t have any friends, she did, most of them were from primary school, some recently joined. Although she had her good times and laughs with her group of friends at lunch times, she felt as though they were drifting away from each other. They never shared secrets anymore, not that she would tell them hers. Her secrets were deep, dark and horrible, she wanted somebody to know, somebody to vent everything out to instead of bottling it all up, but at the same time the secret should be kept a secret, for if the secret comes out her life will turn into a disaster, but she knows she must tell somebody it for if the secret continues it will become worse.
One of her friends was “depressed” or so she seemed. Her depressed friend’s Grandfather died last year, she was extremely close to him and loved him dearly, and her friend was finding it hard to get over his death. On top of that her friend’s parents had divorced, but both now have found new partners they are happy with, although that resulted in more siblings, in which she had the full responsibility of since her parents worked a lot. Her friend liked to think that nobody cared about her, posting depressing pictures on Instagram, all of which had a depressing text on it. Her friend even posted an image of ripped apart photos, in which she was surprised to see herself among the ruined photographs as well as her other friends.
The nerve of her friend, the girl thought, why is she so sad? Doesn’t she see that she has friends that will support her til the end? I have it worse than you, you wouldn’t understand, nobody would. Why would the girl who always smiles be depressed? Oh how wrong you are. You know nothing. The girl continued to seethe, sure some people were bullied, family members killed, but personally, she liked to think her life was the worst of them all. Even though people probably have it worse than her.
The girl found it awkward when her friends and herself would get into a conversation about their virginity, when they will be ready, everything like that. At least they will remember their first time, the girl thought bitterly, get to remember making love for the first time. Why would the girl say this you say? Well you know her secret right? Her dark, disgusting secret is that, she has lost her virginity. A 14 year old girl’s innocence has gone, long gone. She would have loved to have kept it for a special time, but no, the world had to be cruel to her.
Now let me tell you about her family. Why would you want to know this information you ask? It is quite important. The girl has three younger siblings, in which they all share the same mother, but have different fathers. Her mother came from another country to the country they live in now when she was 16, along with her brother and mother. They were from an Asian country so they had brown skin, brown eyes, and black hair. The girl and her year-younger-than-her sister both have the same father, and they have the brown skin, brown eyes, and black hair, as their father was from the country that her mother was from as well. They don’t know much about their father since he went back to the country her mother and he came from when they were very little, he tried to get her mother to come with him but she refused as she had a better life in the country they live in now.
Later her mother met her two other siblings’ dad. They were together for years, and had her two younger brothers, which looked nothing like their older sisters. Their older sisters had brown skin, while they had white like their father, but they had brown hair and brown eyes. The girl’s second youngest brother was three years younger than her, and the youngest sibling of them all was 6 years younger than her. The girl was the eldest child at 14, 2nd eldest was her sister who was a year younger than her at 13, the 2nd youngest child was her brother at 11, her other brother being the youngest was 8.
She had known her brother’s father as “Daddy” since he was there since she was at least 2. But it was he who had ruined her life. She can’t exactly remember how old she was when it started, it was like her brain deleted all of those memories, getting rid of the pain. Her mother would always work at night, her “stepfather” (as that was what he was since she wasn’t related to him, but she called him Daddy since he was there since she was young) would sneak into her shared room with her sister when everyone was asleep, and touch her. It got worse as the years progressed sending her siblings who knew nothing of what was happening to bed, making her stay up so he could molest her.
She hated it, she hated herself. She was disgusting. This is what made her what she is today, a quiet, reserved girl, who smiled at school, nobody knew anything, just thought she was the nice girl who had a normal life. She was submissive, a person who usually just goes along with other people’s ideas and decisions even if they don’t agree, they rarely speak up or give ideas because they are worried what others will think of them or they don’t want to upset anyone, being a submissive person means that you go along doing things you know are wrong, illegal or just don’t feel comfortable doing, which can lead to further consequences. She knew she was a submissive person when she learnt about it in class one day, she was this person because she couldn’t stop what her paedophilic stepfather was doing to her, she thought about what would happen if she told somebody, they will go to court, it will be all over the news, her family will be shocked, everybody at school would stare at her.
Her stepfather and her mother have since broken up, he found out her mother was cheating on him with somebody else, he got extremely mad, went as far as punching a hole through a wall, smashing her mother’s phone, and scaring her and her sibling so much they would cry. The girl personally liked the guy her mother was with now, he wasn’t strict, and he didn’t hit them when they did something wrong. Unlike her stepfather, who would hit her and her siblings when they did something wrong or bad, which is also why the girl does everything right at school now, earning the title of a goody-two-shoes.
Her stepfather moved into a different house though they still had to visit him and stay at his house since after all he was her two brother’s father. She despised when they had to go over his place, the gut-wrenching feeling in her stomach, like she was going to be sick. Her mother never understood why she hated going over to his place, dismissed it as her being a moody teenager. Her mother just never knew what was happening to her poor daughter. As he still continued to molest her.
The girl has found this wonderful thing called music. Some songs she listens to her sing exactly what she is feeling, some music makes her cry her heart out, some make her happy and think that her life isn’t that bad after all, but that comes spiralling down quickly. She has discovered some bands and other musicians that have inspired her to keep going with her life, them speaking inspirational words, some bands make her smile when she is at her saddest point, make her laugh when no one else can.
Other than music, the girl loves to spend time on the internet, which is where she discovers most of her favourite music. She has spoken to people from all over the world on websites, how they live, what type of lifestyle they have. The girl has found and learnt about things like all about her favourite band, reading the fanfictions about them, things like anime and catchy songs in other languages.
Her internet life was a getaway from her real one, where she could be herself and make friends that had interests like her. She loved how these strangers over the internet made her feel better sometimes, actually understand her unlike her real life friends who would just ignore her and give her weird looks.
This is what the girl was. A 14 year-old teenager who had dark secrets, but really just wants to live a normal life. Find love like in the fairy tales, books and movies she saw and read. Have friends who were loyal and care about her and stick with her til the very end. She was happy with how her life was, but she was just wishing her horrible secret would go away, not harm anybody, if her secret went away and those things never happened, she would be a normal teenage girl. That’s all she ever wanted to be really, but life isn’t perfect and the world is cruel, you have to go through hardships to get what you want. The girl knew this but she didn’t know how she was going to do it.