If You Love Me Let Me Go

"Six months ago you did it... Six months ago, you ended your life.."


2. I Want to Go Back

(You might cry... Just a warning.)

(Valerie's P.O.V.)

It's time like these when we aren't all piled on top of each other or snuggled up to one another. We were all spread apart. The fire had been started and all of us sat there, watching as it was the only thing around us with life. No one said a word. We just stared, afraid that if we did say something it would trigger someone and it would just be a tear-fest. It was always like this. Every month, we came to this same spot, stared at the same fire, sat in the same places, and no one said a goddamn thing.

Without knowing, I had been crying. I looked through the tears that welled in my eyes and saw Ashton. He was looking at me with begging eyes. I could see the tears beginning to form in his eyes. My heart broke into a million pieces. I hated seeing him sad, I hated seeing anyone around this fire sad. I looked next to me and saw Elle with tears strolling down her cheeks. I didn't move, I couldn't. It would draw too much attention to me and that wasn't why we did this. Yes, I was dating him, but he was friends with everybody here.

Michael was crying silently to himself next to Elle. He lost his best friend. One of the only people he could tell everything to. He hated to show his week side, he always tried to be either a cute little kitten, or a complete punk rock bad ass. Crying wasn't really "his scene."

I moved my eyes to Haley. Her-now red and black- hair being pulled out of her eyes by her tiny hands. It's not like her hair really had anything to cover other than her forehead. Tears swelled in her eyes, her right hand resting on her leg, and her breath breaking as she tried to hold down the pain.

Calum sat across from me, but I could faintly see him. His eyes were puffy, he wiped his eyes and sniffled. His chin quivered. I could see his chest gasping for air, but his throat pushing it out as soon as it came in. It was hard to breath, not only because of the tears, but because we all knew Luke-god it's hard to say his name, never the less think it- had taken his last and he would never take another one.

I thought of his laugh, oh his beautiful laugh. How his little nose would crinkle and his lips would part into a large smile. How his lungs would let out the air in them to produce such a lovely sound. How they would then fill back up to make him more alive.

A crack from the fire brought me back to reality. My tears were larger, stronger, falling faster. I let out a small cry, and Ashton shook his head.

"Fuck it," he whispered.

Ashton stood up, stepped over to me, sat down, and wrapped his arms around me. Letting me cry as loud as I wanted. Normally if any of us moved the others would stare with wide eyes and open jaws. But no one did anything. They just continued looking into the fire. I couldn't help but feel like they knew something I didn't. I just ignored it and continued crying into Ashton's chest. The last person I cried on was Luke while he was lying on his bed, cold and lifeless.

I wanted to go back to the beginning. When we first met, when we became friends, when we told each other how we felt, when we first kissed, when we started dating, and when we were dating. I wanted to go back and see if there was anything in his life that made him want to do such an awful thing.

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