If you are suicidal or are feeling suicidal I do not recommend you reading this chapter
Its been 1 week since I've been outside in the fresh air. I miss the feeling of being free, being free of my thoughts, being able to walk to my friends house, being able to pig out on taco bell when i felt like it, but most of all i miss the people that were in my life. I feel like an animal waiting to be let out of a cage, and when I am set free all hell breaks loose.
I've lost my visiting rights and the right to be let out of my room, I'm on lockdown because of a nervous breakdown I had. I'm starting to believe that I'm the only reason Luke took his own life, I miss him so much he was my best friend. We did everything together, road trips, parties, swimming lessons you name it. He was the closest thing I had to a brother since mine had passed away when he was born and I never got to meet him..
I feel so worthless, why do I have to stay in this world when I don't deserve it? I don't deserve to be here when I'm the reason someones not. I walk over to the bathroom and close the door behind me, I look in the draws for something that will stop the pain like sleeping pills, or a razor. I'm ready to take my life I'm sick of living I just want to die. I finally find something that will stop the pain, a sharp razor blade. I sit against the cold grimy white tiled walls, I stare at it. I cant see anything, my eyes are blurry from the tears. I wipe the tears away so I can see again, I get the blade and press it hard on my skin and draw it across my wrist. I'm starting to black out, theres so much pressure going to my head I feel like its going to explode. My vision fades in and out I close my eyes and say "goodbye".