This is the beginning of the book. (Enough said there.) My name isn't your name, I am Jake, and the whole reason for this... This... Book (lets call it that) is all of my life's moans, groans, and damn right grumbles should be transformed into readable words... Hopefully?
Anywho, my first problem in this world is idioms. Why? Just why do you need them? I woke up this morning and went to breakfast, and was pretty mad at the usual Monday morning, so my mother said to me, "You woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"
How is that possible! One, I sleep with my bed wedged against the wall. Two, that wall has a lovely open window. If I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, I'd have crawled out of the bins, hammered the door down, pushed myself into the kitchen, and then been even more annoyed at a Monday morning!
Another one, from earlier in the week. I force myself into the classroom, sit at the stupidly small desk known as a table, and my partner looks across to me and blurts out the insufferable words... "I'm over the moon! my [company name cannot be entered because of copyright purposes(just know its an online shop)] order has come this morning!" No. You are not over the moon, if you were, you would not have made it over the other side, been sucked into the Earth's gravitational pull, and would risk being probed by aliens. And frankly, I would probe them with a porcupine glove if they use such idiotic language again! IDIOT! Finally Out of the blue. No example, just a general thing. The only way something could come out of the blue is if it was launched out of the ocean. If not, it came out of nowhere, unexpected if you will. But why blue? there are far more interesting and better colours out there to use, like red. This might be my darker side yelling, but red means danger, blood and fire, as well as strength, so if something came out of the red, it would be so much cooler! Enough for one chapter, this is the end (enough said.)