Three days later
I sit on the lounge, London cradled in my arms as she sleep, her small eyes delicately closed every now and then twitching as she dreams, finger fisting my shirt as I run my finger gently though her thin hair. When a knock sounds though the apartment I sigh, standing up and walk towards the door, her body still in my arms as I quietly open the door to find Louis standing on the other side.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as he observes London sleeping, his eyes meet mine after a moment.
“I wanted to see you.” He pauses, “and London.” He looks back towards her, “Can I come in?” he asks and I step aside hesitantly letting him in, I close the door and turn to see he is awkwardly fiddling with his fingers, standing off to the side of the island bench, I walk past him as I head down the three steps and make my way towards the bedroom.
“You can sit down.” I say and disappear into the room, I walk around the bed and place London delicately down in the cot, I pull the soft fluffy blanket over her body and leave the room to find Louis sitting forwards on the lounge his eyes on my laptop screen, I make my way towards him and place my hand on the back of it, pushing it closed, his eyes meet mine and I shake my head.
“Don’t come in here and do whatever you like.” He finds his feet as I make my way towards the kitchen, “Do you want a drink?” I look towards him and he shakes his head, “Something to eat?” he makes his way towards the stairs and steps up the first two.
“No but can I make you something?” I raise an eyebrow at him and he smiles at me, I gesture to the kitchen.
“It’s all yours.” I say as I walk around the island and watch him as he observes the content of my fridge then my cupboard, after rummaging around for a moment he pulled out a box of taco shells.
“Tacos?” I shrug and he grabs a few things from the fridge and remarkably he remembers where everything is, the knives, chopping bored.
I watch blindly as he chops though tomato, lettuce, avocado and fries up the mince, it isn’t long until he has sleeved the shells with sour cream, the meat layered at the dip of the shell, shredded cheese, lettuce and tomato placed in before he spreads the avocado over the top, we sit beside one another as we eat our dish.
Once we are finished he packet the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, I stand with my back to him, supping ice-cream into two bowls when hands wrap around my waist and im turned to face him. His eyes filled with lust, my body shudders as he lifts me so I am now sitting on the bench, it is as if the rational part of my brain was cluttered and it was no longer functioning. I shuffle closer to the edge of the bench so my legs were dangling either side of his, his hands spread out on the counter either side of my thighs, his head tilted ever so slight as if asking for an invitation, my breathes were sharp as I watched him.
“You should go.” I breathe, “You should definitely go.” the smirk that plays on his lips made me lose my trace of thought once again.
“Go here?” he mumbled as his lips brushed across my shoulder, my pulse jumped, beating harder and faster in my chest, “Or here?” his mouth drew up my neck, his warm lips casing a sigh to leave my lips but in this situation with my thoughts running wild, im not sure if it was a sigh, im sure it was a moan, his lips trailed up my jaw sucking lightly every now and again as he continued to press kisses.
“My legs are falling asleep.” I admitted and he pulled away looking at me.
“I can solve that.” He tells me, his hands griping the sides of my butt, his fingers digging in lightly, my eyes flutter slightly but I stop myself.
“Mummy.” I hear London cry out and im snapped out of my irrational thoughts; I push Louis back and get off the bench.
“Thank you for dinner.” My voice is soft, “But it thinks you should go.” I don’t look at him as he makes his way to the door, London calling me again as the door clicks closed, I make my way into the bedroom and put on my best smile, picking her up I offer her ice cream, the ice cream originally meant for Louis. London and I sit on the lounge, both of us with a bowel of ice cream; I can’t stop replying the memory that happen not even an hour ago, I can’t stop thinking about how Louis and I almost kissed again.
I was asked by Liam if I wanted to go out for lunch with all the boys and their girlfriends, I was hesitant after last night’s events but I want answers, I want to know why Louis did it, I slipped on a pair of black jeans, floral shirt and a giah printed cardigan, my phone was slipped into my back pocket before I slipped into my sandals and heading out to the lounge room where London was, playing with her toys. We eventually left and headed down to the car, I got her strapped into her car seat and headed towards the restaurant Liam gave me the address to.
When I got to the restaurant I walked in to be greeted by everyone, however Louis didn’t, he just sipped his drink before saying a hello to London, I was a little confused by his actions, did he forget what he did last night? I took a seat beside Niall and London sitting beside Sophia as we all look over our menus; I consult with London showing her the kid’s meals before she picked nuggets and chips. After we all order I start convocation with Niall while London quietly coloured in on the peace of paper the staff brang her, every now and then I would catch a glimpse of Louis already looking at me, but every time he goes to smile I turn away, either starting conversation with someone else or to give London my attention, colouring with her.
“So Ellen.” I look up after Eleanor starts, “Where’s London’s farther?” I feel my palms get slicker and I feel all the boys eyes on me as Perrie and Sophia carry out their own convocation, I pin Louis with a quick look as if to say, you haven’t told her? “Is he here in the UK?”
“I guess you could say that, yeah.” She gives me a confused look but Louis changes the subject saying he thinks our food is coming but the waiter walks straight past our table, I wonder if Eleanor see’s Louis in London as much as me and the boys do, I guess because she must not know we had a romantic past she doesn’t think twice about it. I sip from my drink and a few minutes later the food starts being delivered to the table, Liam holds a convocation with London while we eat, everyone around the table speaking to the person beside them apart from Louis and I, we both eat quietly, every now and then catching one another’s eyes.
“Ellen, can I talk to you for a minute?” Louis asks as we make our way out of the restaurant, I nod as Liam takes London’s hand and he leads me away from the group.
“Want to tell me why you were ignoring me?” I ask as I look back to see Eleanor watching us, as I catch her eye she looks away, “Want to tell me why you did what you did last night?” I look at him, his blue eyes sparkling.
“I don’t know what got into me last night, Ellen.” he pauses and shrugs, “and I don’t know why I was ignoring you, maybe because my girlfriend was here.” He says as if I should’ve known.
“Well if you’re going to make things awkward between us because of your disition then don’t let it happen again.” I walk past him and start walking back towards the group.
“You can’t say you didn’t like it.” I stop and I turn to face him again, a few meters distance between us, “You can’t say you don’t miss it.” I nod.
“Your right, I can’t but that was almost three years ago, Louis.” he doesn’t meet my gaze, his hands buried deep in his pocket as he kicks at the ground.
“But we have a daughter.” He says quietly as he meets my eyes.
“You didn’t even know about her until you saw that Liam was with me, for god sakes Louis, you didn’t even know it was me.”
“You look totally different to when I last saw you, and im sorry that now I want to fix whatever we had, I want to know my daughter, I want to be in her life.”
“She isn’t your life, Louis.”
“And that’s what I want to fix.” I couldn’t help the laugh that falls from my lips as I look at the ground.
“You want to fix it? Be a part of her life, our life? Louis you haven’t even told your girlfriend you’re a father, how can you be part of her life when you’re sneaking behind her back to spend time with London.”
“It’s not just London I want to spend time with, it’s also her mum.”
“I’ll tell you something funny. That I thought I knew you.” I shake my head, “But I really don’t, I think some of your fans know you better, and I don’t know whether im sad about it, Louis.” I take in a breath, “The three years I haven’t seen you, well haven’t seen you in person, felt like the longest years of my life. The day I found out you had a girlfriends almost wrecked me, I didn’t know what to do, I stayed at home for three days, I didn’t go out, talk to anyone, pick up the phone, I just stayed home drowning in my own sorrow. The only thing I thought I had left was London, but coming back and hearing you say you want to spend time with your daughter and me makes me wonder why you never called me, my number never changed, yours did but mind never did, Louis.”
“Im sorry.” He almost whispered, my hand taps impatiently against my thigh as I nod but the nod soon turn into a shake as I watch him, I think I was shaking my head more to myself then at him before turning away and heading back to the group.
“Thanks for inviting me to lunch, but I think im going to head home now.” I smile at Liam as I reach for London in his arms, I don’t know whether the look in his eyes is pity or understanding.
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He nods and I hold London to my hip as I say a fair well to everyone, telling Perrie and Eleanor it was nice to meet them before getting to my car and strapping London in.