London is held to my side as I observe a shelf of books, London drawing patterns into the fabric of my shirt, mumbling things to herself, slowly walking across waiting for a book to catch my eye but as I enter row after row I see nothing, no titles interesting me so I leave, London curling into my side as the cool air hits us, her small hands fisting the front of my shirt as we walk along the street and duck into Starbarks, I order two white chocolate fraps, one small and one medium. London walking to my side, both hands holding her drink almost crashing into people before I guide her in front of me and we continue walking back to the apartment.
“Ellen.” I hear my name being called and turn to see Liam jogging in my direction.
“Wait a minute London.” I grip her shoulder, she is too interested in her icy drink to care, “Hi.” I smile as Liam catches up, he must have been at the gym, his gym bag hanging from his shoulder and he is wearing shorts and a singlet, he greets me then London who just gives him a wave, “guess who showed up at mine last night.” I say as we walk along, London slightly ahead of us now.
“Louis?” I nod, “Yeah, Sophia said she told him, she didn’t know you didn’t want them to know, im sorry.” He apologises and I shake my head.
“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have been so naive to think there wouldn’t be photos taken.” I shrug, “You still go to the gym? Don’t you like get crowded?” he shrugs.
“Sometimes, but once im in the fans can’t really get to me the problem is leaving when mine or the other boys where-abouts are posted on twitter there are mobs and mobs of girls outside the gym.” I laugh.
“Must be hard.”
“London likes you, she doesn’t really know it’s you boys she just likes some of the songs.”
“Speaking of London she is about to walk past the building.” I call out to her, when she looks in mine and Liam’s direction I point and she looks up before entering the door, Liam and I are in the building moments later and the doors to the elevator are opening and London is stepping in to my surprise Louis is getting out, I look to Liam who is watching Louis, I get London off the elevator, holding her hand in mine as she sips on her small drink from the other.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Louis and he looks from Liam to me.
“I came to see you.” He told me and I look down at London.
“I’m gonna go.” Liam tells us and we say goodbye before he heads to the elevator pressing the button causing the doors to open almost instantly.
“Hi.” When Louis and I look down at London she is looking up at him, he smiles and waves greeting her back.
“What’s your name?” Louis asks kneeling to her height.
“London.” She says sweetly.
“That’s a very pretty name.” she nods and takes a glimpse up at me before looking back to Louis, “Im Louis.” he out stretches his hand, she lets mine go and shakes it, “It’s very nice to meet you, London.”
“You too.” She says and I usher London along.
“Go press the elevator button.”
“She’s very sweet.” Louis says and I nod watching her as she waits for the elevator.
“What are you doing here Louis?”
“I don’t want to be a parent that just sits by and watches, I want to be part of her life, Ellen.”
“She doesn’t know you.”
“She can get to know me, Ellen she is my daughter too. I know I haven’t been here for her whole life, for god sake I didn’t know she existed.” I look towards London who is letting me know the elevator is opening.
“If you will excuse me I need to get some things set up so London can get her cats this afternoon.” I walk past Louis and once im in the elevator I look down at London who is waving goodbye to him, his smiling at her, waving back and I feel bad for not giving him a direct answer of yes or no. His right, she is his daughter too but he is a stranger to her and on some level to me as well.
“Who was that?” London asks as she goes back to sipping at her drink.
“That’s Louis, he and mummy knew each other before you were born.” She nods, I know she doesn’t understand, she is too young, we step out of the elevator on the top level and head to our door, the key is pushed in and London twists it to unlock the door before opening it and pushing it open, her small feet move across the floor in front of me as I lock the door behind us, she plops down on the lounge still interested in her drink as I place the bags I had carried on the bench along with my phone and keys, unpacking the cat food and filling the bowl which still sits in its old place with cat kibble and water, taking the kitty litter beg and tipping some in the try which still sits in the main rooms bathroom.
I was watching ‘Date and Switch’ in the main room while London slept, it was getting late, almost eleven, both the cats asleep on the lounge beside me, London was extremely excited today when we got them and brang them back to the apartment. There was a knock at the door, I got up from the lounge and made my way towards the door, my feet padding across the wooden floor, I clicked the lock and swang the door open to find Louis, his eyes almost closed, his body stumbled forward engulfing me in his arms, his lips pressing to mine, tongue invading my mouth instantly. My hands pushed on his shoulders and I have to admit it was half-heartedly.
“Louis.” I say as he continues to kiss me, “Louis, stop.” He pulls away looking down at me before brushing past, I watch him for a moment as he makes his way down the three steps before collapsing on the lounge, I make my way towards him, my hand on his shoulder shaking him lightly, “Louis.” I shake him a bit more, “Louis get up.” I groan in frustration before making my way out of the apartment and knock on Liam’s door. “Im so sorry.” I say after he opens the door, rubbing his eyes, his body only covered in blue boxers.
“It’s alright, what’s wrong?” I turn towards the apartment before turning back and pointing.
“Louis, ah.” The hand that was pointing now rubbing my forehead, “his drunk.” Liam turns to look into his apartment before sighing and stepping out, we go into my apartment and Liam repeats my actions from earlier, shaking Louis and trying to wake him.
“London’s asleep?” I nod and he turns back to a passed out Louis on my lounge, Louis’ body is flipped over and Liam takes him bridal style in his arms, struggling slightly to get him up the three steps and to the door, I follow and thank him before closing and locking the door. I decide to call it a night and turn the TV and lights off going into the bedroom and finding the cats laying on my bed, Louis must have scared them, I make my way towards the bathroom platform turning off the mirror lights and padding back down to the bed, pulling the doona back and settling into the cool confines of the sheets.
London runs to the lift to press the button while I lock the apartment, as we stand and watch the numbers rise to our floor Liam’s apartment door opens, I turn along with London and Louis appears, his head cast down until the ding of the elevator gets his attention and he looks up catching my eye, I usher London in and Louis follows as London presses the button for the lobby level and the doors closed and London greets Louis, he does the same because and the ride seems as if it is incredibly long, the doors open and I feel as though I have taken my fist breath of air when I step out, London’s hand in mine as I make my way towards the door.
“Ellen wait.” I cures under my breath, I was hoping he wouldn’t stop me, “Im sorry I showed up last night.” I look at him, London off in her own little world as she swings her legs.
“Is that all your sorry for?” I ask as we exit the building, I catch a glimpse of his face and he seems confused.
“Is there more I should be apologising for?” I stop and turn towards him.
“You kissed me, Louis.” his lips part ever so slightly as he looks at me, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear after the wind had picked up and blow if into my face, as I start walking again, London still beside me, her hand placed in mine, after a moment I think he is going to leave us alone but I hear feet quickly shuffling across the ground and he is back at our side.
“If I said I was sorry for that I would be lying.” A light gasp leaves my lips as I look to him, “Where are you going? Let me drive you.”
“Im going to the car dealership, I don’t needed a lift.” I say and look straight ahead, pondering over his statement; how could he not feel sorry or even guilty he has a girlfriend.
“I’ll walk with you.”
“Oh, I don’t know Louis, the press might get a photo of us together.” he chuckles and it makes me smile, as much as I don’t think we should be doing this and as much as it should feel wrong all I want to do is be with him, the feelings I felt for him after I went back to Australia never ceased up and I can’t say anything other than I still love him.
“So.” He says as he walks along, his hands buried in his pockets as we both look straight ahead, “What kind of car you getting?”
“I’ve put a down payment on an Audi RS7, im going to pick it up now, then I need to go get her a car seat so I don’t get booked.”