-just to be clear here, this fanfic is not a statement saying Ashton should keep cutting, or Luke should be anorexic. that's complete bullshit, this fanfic, in my opinion, isn't really a fanfic, it's more of me using 5sos to write a story to people that have gone through things like bullying or self injury and I find it easier to relate to someone when you can have an actual image in your mind of them so this is more of a "read it so you can relate" than a "fanfiction about Ashton being a self injurer and Luke being borderline anorexic"
I'm hoping there's gonna be a boy or girl who struggles with anorexia, self injury, depression or anything and they're gonna read this fanfic and find out there's so much more worth living for cause that's what I discovered as I wrote this.
Ashton's point of view
I ran home crying, more hurt than I've ever been. When I say ran I mean ran, and almost got hit by a car about five times because my vision was blurred because of how hard I am crying. I run as fast as I can up the stairs trying to avoid any unnecessary conversation. When I reach my room I practically fall into my painted black door and shut it as fast as I can, but quietly because I don't want to attract any attention to my room. I fall on my knees and scoot to my closet. I open my closet and search through my blurred eyes for my box of blades; the only release I have right now. Under the box I've opened and closed so many times is a very ugly jumper I got from my grandfather. When I first got the jumper and quite frankly for the past two years I have thought it was the ugliest jumper I have ever seen, mum tried to make me wear it to his funeral and I still refused, but right now that jumper looks so comforting. I pull the jumper in my hands, four strings still crossing over and tied in the middle, the way it was presented to me, because I never even tried it on. Through my tears and sobs I can see that the jumper is dusty and I try to wipe it off. I hold the jumper in my right hand and the box of blades in my left hand. I look between the two and I consider; cutting... or cuddles in a giant jumper. Still doubting myself I put the blades back in the closet and I unlace the bow and thread on the jumper. I pull the jumper over my neck and down my torso and forearms. Even though I'm still crying I feel comfort because the jumper is warm. As I stand up to go to my bed I feel something in the inside of the jumper. I pull my hands through the extra long arms and reach under the bottom hem that is flooding the middle of my thighs. I fish out an envelope addressed in my grandfathers finest handwriting. I try to clear my eyes of tears as best I can and reach over to my nightstand and grab my glasses. I slip my glasses on and begin to open the envelope.
My Grandson, Ashton,
I know this jumper; it's simply horrid. It is ugly but at least try it on, it's warm. I hope my plan works out, as you see I am an old man and I will die soon, and I got you this jumper not as a gift, but as a time capsule in a sense, so when fate decides the timing is right you will seek comfort in this jumper at your weakest time and you will find the 10,000 dollars I have saved for you in your time of need. Spend it wisely as I know you will, my favourite Grandson. Please remember me as you spend this money.
So much love,
your Granddad. x
I begin to cry again, but this time tears of joy. I drop the letter and the note for 10,000 dollars falls out and I pick it up but frantically search for my mobile. I find it through my blurred eyes next to my closet doors and immediately ring Michael. It only takes three rings for him to pick up but it feels like the longest three rings I've ever had to wait for. "Oh my god Michael" I say as soon as he picks up. "Ash I'm so sorry you had to see that" he says, still crying. "No! No! No! Michael you don't understand we are going to be okay!" I exclaim. "I know baby I know we'll be okay" he says, disbelief in his voice. "Michael listen to me!" I yell through tears. "Okay I'm sorry go ahead Ash" he says and I begin. "My grandpa that died years ago left me this jumper, and when I went in my closet to look for my blades and I found this jumper and instead of cutting I got the jumper on and there was a letter and 10,000 dollars in it! Do you know what that means?" I say. "Oh my god Ash" he says in a shaky voice. "We can run away and we'll be fine! We won't need to worry about your jerk-faced-homophobic parents and everyone at school!" I tell him, still crying tears of joy. "We can run away" Michael repeats in a slow voice. "Yes!" I exclaim. "We're gonna be okay" he says, still processing the situation. "Yes Michael" I say. "Oh my god" he says. "Just... Pack now okay and we can leave as soon as your family goes to sleep" I tell him and I can hear him hyperventilating. "Hey hey calm down we're going to be okay, we can finally have the life we've wanted" I assure him and he whispers "yes, okay I'm packing now. Ashton I love you, thank you so much" Michael says genuinely. "Love you too Mike okay?" I say. "Okay see you soon love" he says and we both hang up. I proceed to pack just as I know he will be right now but him frantically; he really needs to get out of his house, me not as much. My family isn't as hardcore homophobic as his is. I grab a gym bag that I haven't used since grade 6 and I begin grabbing small things like the stuffed animal dog Mikey gave me and the small blanket I can't sleep without and the giant ugly jumper from my grandfather that I am forever grateful for. I grab my iPod and sunglasses although I'm not sure why. I open my closet and search for my favourite t-shirts and the countless clothing that I non-reluctantly stole from Michael. A pair of earbuds falls out of the pile of clothes that are overflowing my closet and I yank them and toss them in the bag. I've stopped crying but I am still so touched by my grandfathers kindness that I will never forget. I grab jackets and bandanas and a box of letters that I've saved from friends and a bunch from Michael. I take a few photos off of my wall and cork board and slip them in my photo book and drop it into the bag. I pull a bag of drum sticks out of my closet because you never really know when you'll need them and pack my cajon in a separate bag. I throw four pairs of shoes and a few undershirts and underwear in the bag and I stand back and scan my room for anything that I am missing. I sign when I realise that I will have to leave my mobile because leave it to my parents to track it if I ever went missing. I fish out my iPod from my bag and I connect my iPhone and iPod to my MacBook and download all my files to my iPod so I can still have everything I need. Whilst that is transferring the data I scan the room thoroughly. 'Clothes, check, pictures and letters, check, drumming stuff, check' I say in my head as I look over my two bags. I check my computer and I still have 15 minutes to wait. I walk over to my window and I sigh in disappointment, not thinking about my best friend the whole time I've been packing and clearly not thinking through all the things that come with running away. I grab the dart gun I keep by my window and I shoot three darts onto his window. I wait awhile but as presumed he slides the window open and sticks his dark head of hair out and retrieves the darts before asking "what's up Ash?" "It's a really long story and I'm so, so sorry Cal but, me and Mikey are running away." I say and hang my head in disappointment at myself for leaving my best friend so abruptly like this. When I look up the look on his face takes me by surprise, not a look of hurt and betrayal but a look of understanding and sorrow. "Mate I get it, people are jerks and can't accept love when they see it, me and Luke have considering running away more times than I can count. I'm happy that you and Mike can go and live life, I'm gonna miss you, you dick, but I'm happy for you and sorry that it had to come to this." He says, jokingly calling me a dick. "I'm sorry it had to come to this too, and I'll miss you more than ever." I say to him. "We can probably keep contact, I can tell them we got into a fight and you wouldn't want anything to do with me if you left" he offers. "This is why you're the best, thank you so much Cal Pal" I say, genuinely knowing Calum is the best friend anyone can ask for. He blows me kisses and I blow kisses back and then we shut our windows. I check my iPod and mobile and I still have seven minutes. I get up and storm dramatically down the stairs and try as hard as I can to be as loud as possible in front of my family. I open the fridge and I roughly grab the orange juice and slam it on the counter, and grab a cup and slam the cup cabinet after slamming the cup on the counter. I put on the angriest face I can as my mum gets up from the couch and sits at the counter and asks "what's all the slamming Ashton?" I glare at her and say "Calum Hood is the biggest dick in the world" and I spin on my heel to put the orange juice back in the fridge, and grin to myself for being such a good actor. I put my mean face back I as I slam the fridge and spin back around and gulp down the orange juice dramatically. "And I never want to fucking speak to him again." I add. "Why such language for your best friend?" She asks. "Cause he is the ultimate douche and not my best friend anymore... Can we not talk about this?" I ask, snipping my tone. "Okay I won't ask anything more just try not to break anything on your little rampage and keep the language down because you do have little eyes and ears looking at you for what to do next" she says, reminding me that I do have younger siblings. "I understand that there's little's but maybe it's good for them to see the anger that I am feeling right now so maybe they know not to associate with the heartless prick I used to call my best friend" I say, and stomp out of the kitchen grinning wildly at my use of language and my excellent acting skills, because she totally bought it. I hope and pray that like Calum said this will not bring him into the mess when they come searching for me because I know they will. I sit on my bed and think about how exciting it will be to live with the love of my life and not have to worry about his or my homophobic parents and peers. It sounds cheesy but it really does hurt me that his parents and people at school hurt him. I check my mobile and iPod and the transfer is finished and I unhook the devices and clear my mobiles settings and reset it to the factory setting and place it on my desk face down. I grab my iPod and I download a calling and texting app and call Michael. "Hey it's me, I am using some app so they can't track my mobile calls and stuff. Are you ready?" I ask. "Yeah, wanna meet halfway, maybe at the park and then we can call a cabbie to take us to a bank or summat so you can get that check cashed and we can get on the next flight out?" He supplies. "Nah, I'll stop at the bank and get the money changed over, no worries" is all I say and he hangs up. I walk out to the hall and I see that all the bedroom lights are off except for a nightlight in each of the little's rooms. I check the time on my mobile; 12:57 and I marvel at my mum being awake minutes ago when I went to declare my made up passionate hate of Calum Hood. I write a small note to my little's that just says "love you" and hope they know that I'm not running away because of them. I creep down the stairs and see that the whole house is in fact empty and everyone is in their rooms sleeping. I proceed back to my room and slide open my window, debating how I will get all my things out without having to drop everything. Just as I try to strap the cajon bag to the tree so I can climb down with my bag Calum is climbing down the siding of his house and helping me down my tree and holding the cajon bag. "Thanks mate, gonna miss you" I say to him. "Gonna miss you too, where you think you're going?" He asks. "Hopefully America" I say. He nods and places the cajon bag on the ground and pulls me into a hug. We both get emotional and tear up a little but as we pull away Calum hits a fist on his chest and says "shut up Calum, you're a man" and I laugh. I reach to the top of his head and shuffle his red beanie and black hair and he smiles and immediately smacks my hand away and fixes his hair and beanie. "Later mate" I say and I grab my cajon bag and begin to walk backwards. "Until next time yeah?" Calum says and I nod. "Love you, take care of our little Lukey" I say and he nods and says "love you too man, and take care of Mike" and I nod and turn around, again getting emotional, and occasionally looking back until he is out of sight, and proceed to the park where my boyfriend will be meeting me.