After a few minutes but what felt like years later we pulled apart. His blue eyes stared into mine deeply as I brought my fingers up to touch my lips still shocked that he had kissed me. I run my hand along his bottom lip admiring the lip piercing that had tugged at mine mouth during the kiss.
“I’m sorry I just couldn’t take it anymore I had to kiss you” Luke says placing his hand on my cheek.
“Why would you want to kiss me?” I ask him still shocked that someone like him could even glance my way let alone kiss me.
“You’re not like everyone else that’s why. I don’t feel like I need to be someone I’m not with you. I don’t have to hide from you. Plus you are a mystery most of the time to afraid to let me know what you are thinking.You are so strong to. You have been through so much and you deal with it all on your own. I am not that strong and I don’t think I ever could be. Plus you are beautiful no matter what you think of yourself Hazel” He says running his fingers along my arms.
“So what does this mean for us. What are we Luke?” I ask and he sighs running his hand through his blue hair.
I stare at his tattooed arms until he finally answered me.
“I honestly don’t know Hazel. I like you I do it’s just that don’t know if I want a serious relationship” Luke says breaking my heart slightly.
“Then what do you want us to be exactly?” I ask and cross my arms.
“Maybe friends with benefits. Only until we both know what we want” Luke says running his hands down my sides now.
I place my hands on his to stop him.
“I am sorry Luke but believe it or not I actually have to much respect for myself to be someone you use and throw away every night. I am not some shy girl who thinks she is the ugliest thing on the planet I know I am a attractive and caring person. I don’t like those kinds of relationships and never will so you just let me know if you ever want something serious then we can talk about it then. I think you should go Luke” I say motioning to the door.
He gave me a hurt look that I wasn’t expecting and places a quick kiss on the lips breaking my heart even more before standing up from the couch. Grabbing the picture of him Ashton Calum and Miichael that had fallen while we were kissing.
“I will see you tomorrow at school then Hazel” He said his voice barely above a whisper.
“Okay Luke” I say walking with him to the front door.
:I’ll be sure to let you know if I ever want something serious” He whispers to me as I shut the door behind him.
I head upstairs to my room and fall back on my bed trying to understand what had just happened.
Does Luke really like me or does he just want in my pants. If he had tried tonight would I have let him? If I liked Luke so much why did part of me still want to be with Ashton? Everything is so confusing and I don’t know what to feel anymore. It is all becoming to much for me to handle. Plus mom seems to be getting sicker by the day and i don’t know what to do. How can I help her? How am I going to manage on my own without her? I don’t think i will be able to handle her dying. I know I should be staying positive and say that she still has a chance and she can fight this but how can I when I see how bad she looks each night. All I can do is hope she will get better and hope she will be around for awhile longer.
My phone buzzes and I glance down at it to see it’s my brother. I feel better seeing his name come across my screen.
“Hey Harry” I say as I answer my phone.
“Hey Hazel” He says into the phone a little voice yelling and giggling in the background.
“Who’s that?” I ask as he hushes someone.
“That’s your niece Felicity I was thinking that maybe I could bring her by so you and our mom could meet her and we could cook dinner together?” He asks and I jump up from my bed heading downstairs.
“That would be great I can’t wait to meet her” I yell a little loud into the phone to excited and pull out all the ingredients mom had gotten for me to make dinner tonight setting them on the counter.
“Haha okay be there in twenty” He says before hanging up.
I pull out my phone to text mom about harry coming over.
Hazel- Hey mom Harry is coming over to help me cook dinner tonight he’s bringing Felicity with him
Mom- That’s great I can’t wait to see them
Hazel- Okay mom see you when you get here
Mom- Okay I should be home in 40 love you Hazel
Hazel- I love you too mom
I sat in the living room to wait for my brother to arrive excited to meet my little niece for the first time and to see my brother again. A few minutes later the doorbell rang and i ran to answer it. i open it to see my brother and my little niece he was holding tightly in his arms.
“Hey Harry come on in” I say as I move aside for him to step inside. He does and pulls me into a quick hug.
“Hey Hazel this is your niece Felicity” Harry says as the little girl stares at me a happy smile on her little face.
She looks just like she does in the photo Anne had shown me the other day when she introduced me to Harry. Her hair up in little pigtails and her blue green eyes looking a me brightly as Harry’s smile formed on her face. She reaches her small hands out at me wanting me to take her from harry. I reach my shaky arms out and pick her up holding my niece for the first time.
“She’s beautiful Harry” I say as I tug her pigtail lightly causing her to giggle.
“Yeah I know. She is my daughter after” he says smugly and I roll my eyes.
“So um I figure we should wait to start making dinner until mom gets home so she can watch Felicity. Would you like a tour of our house” I ask him and he smiles nodding happily.
I walk Harry through the downstairs while Felicity places her little hands all over my face. Every now and then I poke her nose and she giggles. He stops while we were waking up the sairs staring at a picture of of our mom and dad on the wall.
“Is this our dad?” Harry asks his eyes glued to the photo.
“Yeah that was taken a few months before …….. what happened” I say not sure how to word it.
I watch as a look of grief falls on his face. Though he smiles slightly after a few moments pointing to the photo.
“I got his nose and his ears” Harry says trying to be cheerful.
“Yeah he does he was really tall too” I say as we continue up the stairs.
“Potty” Felicity says shocking me. she wiggles around and i place her down. She grabs onto one of my fingers and waits for me to pull her to the bathroom. Harry watches as we walk toward the bathroom, amused by how unsure of what to do I am.
I pull her into the bathroom with me and stand at the door waiting for her to pee. Amazed that she is potty trained already. I wasn’t potty trained until i was too. Harry must be some sort of super dad or something. She pulls up her training pampers and her little black tights she is wearing under her white dress and gets on her little tippy toes to flush which is the cutest thing ever. I pick her up and help her wash her hands and carry her into the hallway. I stare around confused because i don’t see Harry. I find him a minute later in my bedroom looking around. He runs his hand along some of my paintings that are on the wall and stares at my posters.
“Did you paint these” Harry asks looking amazed.
“Yes they aren’t that good though I kinda just paint when I am down and want to feel better” I say glancing over them.
“They are amazing hael” He says correctly me.
“Pretty” Felicity says pointing to the picture of the lake I had gotten back a few days ago.
“Thank you” I say to her sweetly.
“Where is the lake on the painting?” Harry asks picking it up and looking it over.
“About an hour from here. Dad use to take me all the before he died a couple years ago. We had been going since I was six. I haven’t been since he past though. would you like to go with me this weekend?” I asked him nervously and he nodded.
“Yes actually that would be great i want to see the place our dad and you liked to go. I want to know as much about him as I can. Plus Felicity loves to swim don’t you love?” Harry says pinching her cheek.
“Me go swim” She yells happily and we both laugh at how adorable she is.
We head downstairs when we hear the front door open. Mom walks in looking exhausted but you couldn’t tell she was tired by how happy she looked when her eyes land on Felicity.
“She is so beautiful” mom says reaching her arms out for her I carefully hand her to our mom and watch as she kisses her cheek. Felicity smiles at her like she did me and I can can tell mom has fallen for her just like I have.
“You pretty” Felicity says to mom and she cries just a little only to have two small hands wipe her tears away.
“Mom do you mind watching her while harry and I make dinner?” I ask and she gives a nod and pulls Harry in for a quick hug before walking with her into the living room. I smile as I hear spongebob come on and Felicity cheer and sing along.
“So what is on the menu for tonight?” My brother asks rolling up his sleeves and washing his hands.
“Chicken corn mac and cheese and spinach with apple pie and ice cream for dessert” I say and do the same.
“Sounds good let’s get started’ He says getting the chicken ready while I made the corn and mac and cheese.
“Harry?” I ask nervously after he is done defrosting the chicken.
“Yes Hazel?” He asks me putting the chicken in a pan.
“Can I ask you for some advice?” I ask him and he sets the chicken on low turning them every 60 seconds.
“Yeah sure what about?” He asks.
“It’s about these two guys I like” I say and Harry looks shocked for a moment almost dropping the mac and cheese he is emptying into the strainer.
“Um yeah sure” Harry says waiting for me to continue.
I tell him all about Luke and Ashton as we finish making the spinach and place the food on all the plates and make the table. to my surprise he doesn’t get weirded out by them because of their dyed hair and tattoos, probably because he has some tattoos himself. I told him about how I felt when I first met them both and about them coming over for dinner and about all the times I talked with ashton at school and the time Luke saved me from getting beaten by some guys at school and what had happened earlier with Luke and how I felt the same way about Ashton.
“I think you did the right thing earlier Hazel. You deserve someone who wants to be with you for the long term not just some meaningless sex. Don’t settle for anything Hazel. Just follow your heart and listen to the positive part of your brain that is there to guide you and when the time comes you’ll know. In that moment you will look at one of them and know they are who you want to be with. Just let yourself be happy you deserve to be happy with your life” Harry says pulling me into a hug, which i return gratefully. Happy to have such an amazing brother and mother at my side.
“Thank you Harry. I am so happy that I have you in my life” I say and he smiles.
“Me too Hazel” he says.
“Dinners ready” I call to mom and she and Felicity come into the kitchen ready to eat.
We all sit down to dinner and talk about different things happy to be by each others side. I smile and glance at my family feeling for the first time since my dad passed away two years ago like home was where I belonged.