It's been three weeks since Luke and I made our deal, and I've kept my half of the deal. It's been hard but I'm still here.
Twice a day a go on a jog, sometimes Calum comes with me.
Speaking of Calum, I felt so bad when I told him I hated him, but thank god he forgave. So it's not awkward between us.
But the thing with the voice is it's been bothering me a lot lately. It stopped for a little bit after I had that talk with Luke, but it started up again. It gets worse each day, especially today.
"Lola it's breakfast time!" Michael yells from the bottom of the staircase. "Okay I will be down in a minute!" I yell back.
As I walk out the door the voice says; After you have your stupid breakfast, you go puke it out little bitch! I notice you have been gaining a lot of weight these past few weeks! I just ignore it, go into the kitchen, sit down, and eat.
Right when I'm done eating I hear Ashton say; "Lola, the boys and I all have to go in today for a writing session."
"Okay" I reply.
"Are you gonna be okay?" Luke asks me.
"Yes, I'm not 5 I can watch over myself." I say.
All the boys come and give me a hug and off they go to the studio.
Now is your perfect timing! You can go make yourself puke! Your all alone! Go! "NO LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream at no one. I will not leave you alone until you do as your told, fatty! Now listen and go make yourself puke! It's for your own good! "FINE I GIVE UP!" I say as I walk to the bathroom and make myself puke.
That's good! Now go get your blade and cut yourself! "I-I can't! I made a deal with Luke, I'm terrible sister!" I cry.
That's exactly why you need to get your blade!
I go upstairs to find my blade box, remembering that the boys unpacked for me. So they must've thrown away or hid my blades somewhere. Fuck.
I rampage everywhere, starting with my room. When I can't find anything there, I go to Luke's room. I go through everyone's room and every bathroom. I can't find anything that would damage my skin! Those fuckers don't trust me!! I fucking hate them! Fuck!
Next thing I know I pull out my phone and I start to call Luke. "Hello." He answers. "LUKE YOU FUCKER! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY BLADES? TELL ME NOW!" I scream into the phone. "Lola calm down. I threw them away." He says.
"YOU WHAT?? I FUCKING HATE YOU!" I scream to him. "Lola we are on our way." He says. I hang up on him. Fuck my life!
Go look in the kitchen for knifes dumb bitch! Hurry the fuck up!
I run down the stairs into the kitchen. I look everywhere in the kitchen and can't find one knife. Then I look in the sink and see a steak knife in there.
I wash it off and sit down on the floor. I start to cut hella deep, it's bleeding really bad. Yes!
Ahh yes! Now what you got to do is cut your vein!
I'm hesitant for a minute, but then I hear footsteps coming near the kitchen. So I do I cut my vein. "LOLA" I hear Luke say before I blackout.