For the past 4 weeks, all I've been doing, is sitting in my room, doing nothing but watching tv and sleeping. I haven't been eating, drinking or talked. The only time I am out of my bed, is when I have to use the bathroom and to take a bath that lasts like, 3 hours.
You see.. I am still broken after what Brody and Rachel did to me and my brother. I just feel like my whole world is falling apart.
Do you know, how it feels, to not wanna live? To just wanna let go and be free? Be dead and not have to worry about anything every again? Because I do. And in about a week, it'll happen. I'll be gone and everyone will be happy.
Sitting straight up in my bed with my computer, I logged into Twitter. I saw the recent tweets, thta said that everyone wanted me and Justin to be together. That he has been down and not doing anything. Well, here are the papers and your ID. Welcome to the club.
But there was one thing that caught my eye. It was a tweet and a link to a YouTube video, that a Belieber had sent to me. The tweet almost had me in tears.. "I hope you are happy, Carter.. You made him kill himself.. " I clicked on it and it lead me to a video with Justin's face..
I pressed Start and the first thing I saw, was his sad eyes. He then started talking.
"Hello to everyone out there.. My name is Justin Bieber, as you all may know.. About 2 years, I met this beautiful woman. She had the most beautiful eyes, the most gorgeous hair and the best personality. She was an angel. She let me and my body guard stay at her house for 14 days. She told me something that I'll always remember. I even wrote it down for you to hear. Okay, here it is..
Why I hate you? Well, lets see. You pee in a bucket, you spit at your fans and you had sex with a girl that was 3 years younger then you. So you figure it out, Mr. I Can Do Whatever The Hell I Want. It's actually funny because I used to like you but then you started going down hill after your break uo with Selena. I mean, seriously? Did it ever hit you that she just doesn't care? That the only reason she actually wanted to be with you was for fame and money? No. Because you are too blind to see the bad thing about people. Wake up, Justin! This is not fucking kindergarden anymore. You don't own the purple LEGO block anymore.
He looked up at the camera with tears in his eyes. He then started speaking again.
"That woke me up.. That made me realize that, all this time, I've been in my own world. That I haven't been paying attention to what's going on around me. And I am sorry. I am sorry for being such an asshole. So Carter... If you are watching this, which I hope you are.. I just wanna tell you something.
From the moment I laid eyes on you, found out your name and heard your voice, I knoew you had to be mine. You hated me when we first met. But you cared. You listened to me, like no one has ever done before. You were there. And I am sorry for all the things that I have done. I am sorry for not standing up for you. I am sorry for being an asshole. But I am asking for your forgiveness. Please Carter.. Please forgive me for my mistakes.. After all.. I am only human, right? But it doesn't really matter because.. This is goodbye.. I can't live without you.. So I quit. I quit life.. This is the end for me. Carter.. I love you. Always have, always will. Please be safe, my princess. And to whoever wins her heart, take good care of her. Make sure she's safe. Treat her like the queen she is. And when you are holding her in your arms, remember.. That my everything you are holding.. My life and my world.. Goodbye Carter.. "
And then the video stopped. I was in tears... He killed himself.. Because of me.. How could i let this happen? I am so stupid..
I got up and got dressed. I ran downstairs and out the door, hearing Molly and Ryan yell after me. But I didn't stop. I ran as fast as I could. Faster then the wind..
Justin.. I am coming. Hang in there for me..
I stopped the video as I dried my hands. I grabbed the gun of my nightstand and put it on the side of my head..This is it.. I am finally saying goodbye.. I just hope Carter forgives me..
As I counted to 3, someone came busting through my door. I didn't look. I just sat there, doing nothing.
"Justin.. Don't do it.." I knew that voice. I turned around and looked...
"No Carter.. This will make you ahppy.. You won't have to live with me being up your ass 24/7."
She shaked her head and as I looked at her, she began crying.
"No.. I don't want this. I want you. Please don't Justin. Please. I-I.. I love you.." She said. I dropped the gun and ran to her.
"I am so sorry.. I am so sorry.." I kept repeating. She just hugged me and rubbed my back.
"I'll make the pain stop.." She said.
For the rest of the night, we just hugged and cuddled. I finally got her.. The love of my life was safe and sound.. In my hands..
Sorry, it's short but I have to go to a funeral for my baby sister now.. So.. yeah.. Bai..