Losing someone who really love you, as you.





*Jai’s Pov*

I just opened your old box, before i’m leaving LA for a while to meet you in Jakarta. It is going to be my habbit to go to jakarta, because every 6 months i always go there to meet you and your family. I’m not alone, Luke, Beau, James and Skips also do to come to Jakarta. It seems like yesterday i just came to meet you and gave you some balloons and flowers when you pinch me and the boys in the airport. I have read all of your diaries and letters. I was thinking when i’m reading it i feels like i’m the happiest boyfriend who have the best girlfriend in the world and people just getting jealous for our relationship. Today is our 5th anniversarry, so i’m gonna read those letters..


“For Jai, for our 5th Anniversarry

I remember...

When i was in my holiday, i met Luke, Jai, Beau, James and Skips. We’ve been like bestfriends, but they’re more than bestfriends for me, they’re my brothers too, parts of my family. The day when i just bumped, Jai and i grabbed a wrong phone and i just call my own phone from Jai’s phone, then i think i've spent the balance in his cell phone, but on the other hand i knew Jai’s phone number. I remember, when Luke was joke with me, he want my phone number because he knew that i gave Jai my phone number, he’s actually serious when he asked me that. I remember, the day for the first time Jai knelt in front of me and ask me about dinner with him, but i was refused his invitation. And i remember, i hugged him and apologized to him. I remember, when Jai and Luke followed me to the restaurant when i met my ex-boyfriend, and they were think if he was my boyfriend. I will always remember, when i made some traditional food from Indonesia,because i’m from Indonesia, and they’re eat all of the food less than 10 minutes. I remember, when Luke told me if he’s really loves to saw the sun goes down and night comes, especially with me. I remember, when Luke walk with me out to my room and he said if he likes to hanging out with me and maybe he’s gonna loves me as my boyfriend, someday. I remember, the first time he told me to not sleep late, he such a good boyfriend like told his girlfriend. I remember, when Luke told me if he would drove me to the airport. Oh, and i remember, the day when i was refused Jai’s offer, he's ran out to his room and about 15 minutes he back to my room and hetold me if he, Luke and Beau will go to Jakarta and i just can’t refused that, actually it was made me surprised because i really don't know what made they think to come to Jakarta, so i would say “yes” to them because they’re forced me. I remember the day, when Luke forgot to bringme to the airport and then my flight to Jakarta was delayed. I remember, when someone came and gave me some balloons and flowers, i was thinking that my ex-boyfriend did this for me, but i was wrong, Luke’s did to apologize because he forgot to bring me to the airport. And i remember, that day was the best holiday in my life, they were really made my holiday more meaningful. I remember, when i just hugged Luke and said thank you for being such a good friends for me, today was like our quality time, because in The Janoskians members i’m in love Luke Brooks, but it doesn’t meant that i don’t like the others members, i do like all the members, but you know what i meant, right? Don’t  ask me why, because i just felt in love with him at the first sight when i saw him in Youtube, yeah Youtube. Then i remember, at the same day Luke already made me broken hearts, when i know he is officially had a girlfriend. Then i’m gone, because i don’t want to we getting closer, i don’t want to make his girlfriend jealous.I remember, when Luke’s tried to explaine about his relationship, i just laughed at him to kept the tears, i told him if i just loved him like his fans not as his person, then he said thanks to me, he hugged me and leave me, then i cried because of him. I remember, when Jai come to me because he saw me crying, but i lied to him, i told him it was just the dust, so i cried. I remember, when Jai held my hand and lift my face, he looked into my eyes and he saw the tears running down my face. He hugged me tight and whispered me not to cry, because he hate it.I told to him, i’m crying because i knew Luke has a girlfriend.  And i remember, when Jai held my hand and he promised me if no one can hurting me, because he will take care of me forever. I remember, when he always helping me to forget Luke. I remember when he’s be a good  listener, good brother, bestfriend and perfect boyfriend to me. And i remember, when the last 2 days they’re in Jakarta we spent the day together. I remember, when i just wrote something about love and the heart breaker in my Twitter account, just to make convincing that Luke will know i’m bruise because of him . “If what we had was real, how could you be fine? ‘cause i’m not fine at all” do you remember this Jai?  Because i will always remember that. And i remember, when Luke ask me about my last tweet in my twitter account, then i just told him, if it was just part of lyrics from my favorite song, i knew he know i was talk about him and i know if he just mad at me. I remember, when i always listen to the same song every day over and over, then Jai deleted that song from my phone. I remember, the last day they’re with me, before they’re leave me and Jakarta, Luke admit he was wrong, he was made me think if he really loves me, then he aplogized to me and he’s really repent because he makes me hurt. And that day, Jai looked at me and he nodded to me to make sure i was forgive his twin brother. I won’t Jai hate Luke because of me, but i’m not ready to forgiving  him because it’s really hurting me. Luke knelt at me and he’s repent do that, i told him to try to forgive him and he smile at me and hugged me. I remember, in our way to the airport Jai’s hold my hand and asleep next to me with my earphone in his ear and we both listening our favorite songs. I remember, when i hugged Luke, i’m not felt the pain anymore but i still trying to forgive him and forgot the feeling. I remember, when i told Beau and Luke to come to Jakarta when they had long day off. I remember, when i see Jai, i couldn’t hide the tears, then he hugged me tight, and i whispered to him not to let go the arms. I remember, when Jai let my arms go and he saw, wiped the tears and kissed me. “if you leave me, who’s gonna keep me now?” do you remember this Jai? I knew you’ll always remember, right? I remember, the last smile at your face before he left me, he kissed me again. “you know if i’m in love with you, right? I promise that i’m never ever broke our promises”. I remember, when Jai told me if he loves me and i told him i’ll try to love him like he loves me. I can’t believe he left me and he’s waving at me, i tried not to cry but i know i’m not strong anymore, then he yelled he loves me. I remember, when he waved at me and looked at me then he called me, he promised me to come to Jakarta every 6 months just to met me and spent the day off with me. I remember, when he always texting me and call me before and after his shows, and he always laughing at me when i had some homework. I remember, he fell asleep on skype when I’m doing some homeworks and i just captured that moments. I remember, in our facetimed, we have to give suprise each other through via Skype. I remember,after 2 years we seperated by distance and time, and i finished college, he startled me and came into my graduation, but at night he should back to LA because he had a shows. I remember, the day when i came to LA to met him and he pick me up in the aiport. I remember, the day when Jai said that he loves me, and he asked me to be his girlfriend, after 2 years we were waiting this moment. I remember, when all around the world just focused into our relationship. I remember, in the middle of our relationship i’m afraid, because we should have a long distance relatioship for a while,because i was thinking you’ll be cheating on me. And i always remember, when my fear has just becoming true, you were cheated on me because you have 6 months to finish your tour and i’m not with you, you cheated with a beautiful girl and i was gave and couldn’t hold this relatioship anymore. I remember, when James and Skips told me if you’re just playing with her. Then i knew you just break up with her and back to me when i know you’re cheated on me. I remember, when the haters tried to hurt me, tried to make some hoax about our relationship. But i remember, when Jai always told me if i’m the only one he love and there’s no one, no more. And there’s something i never forget,when he said if one day he would date a fan, and i’m the one of a million girls who dating Jai Brooks. “Jai, if you miss me just remember why i chosen you to be my boyfriend, remember when we can beat the distance and time in 2 years, remember when  we laugh, remember when we fight when you miss me, remember the day we always try not to selfish when far apart, just remember the reason why i choose you, just remember me. Happy anniversarry, Love! I had a best time in my life with you, i’m the luckiest girl who dating Jai Brooks, wohoooo!! Thank you for always give me excitement  day and night, i love you so so much, but i think words can’t explained how much i love you. And remember “I love you to the moon and back, and back, and back.... Aku Cinta Kamu!” ”



Sincerely, you’re love








*Soundtrack: Secondhand Serenade-Why*


I’ve finish read your letter, i’m still not believe that you just leave me, what should i do without you? I remember, when the first time we met you’re the freaky fans and then be a good friends for me and the boys. I remember you’re the first girl who always refused my invitation. I remember, the day i was mad at you because i heard you were cheated on me, then i know you never cheated on me. I remember, when you always waiting me in our living room everynight and always waiting me until i back to home. I remember, the day when we laughing for something we never know. I remember, when we play some games i just let you win, because i love your laugh. I remember,when i make a big mistake with you, i was cheated on you, but you just forgiving me like there’s nothing happen in our relationship. I remember, the day you laughing but i never think it’s gonna be the last day i see you laughing. I remember, this morning you was kissing and hugging me and you told me to not release the arms, but i never think it’s gonna be the last kiss and hug from you. I remember,the day i told you if i will bring you back in to our home when you’re in ICU. I remember, the day when i hold your hand and you smile at me and then you leave me forever. I remember, the day you leave me and i can’t kept the tears, i’m crying because of you, i’m crying when you leave me. I remember today was our anniversarry, but you’re not here. Why you’re not coming into my dreams, you know i missed you, right? Why you leave me like this, when i can’t do anything without you, when i’m nothing without you! Who’s gonna made breakfast for me and who’s gonna waiting me when i back to our home? Why you do this to me? I remember, today was 5th years our anniversarry and today was 3rd years you leave me alone, it’s been 10 years we were together if you still alive, but you leave me like this. It’s not easy to forgeting you after 5 years we were together. Still not believe that you leave me. I’m sorry, if i’ve broke our promises, i’ve broke my promises to kept you, i’m sorry i was cheating on you. I remember, the hardest things in my life is let me to leave you forever. I remember, when the boys help me up to leave your grave, wipe the tears in my face, hugging me to make sure i’m fine. I remember, Skips the only one who always try to makes the boys laughing everyday, when he in your graves he can’t hide his tears, because i know Skips have a close relationship as a best friends with you. And i remember, James hold my hand, because the last day before you died, you told James if you’ll come and gave me a surprise in my show. And i remember, when my oldest brother and my twin brother can’t hide the tears too because they know if that day you died i’m gonna propose you to be my wife after 5th years we were together.I remember, when all the fans said we are destined, you are my destiny, you are my everything for me. We felt the loss deeply after you gone, love, though this has been the 3rd years you leave all of us and you become an angel of heaven. Happy anniversarry babe, i’ll love you forever, i’ll miss you for every second, every hours and untill the last i breath. I bring you some balloons and flowers like you likes. I’ll see you in 6 months later, love. Come into my dream and let me to hug and kiss you. Now, the hardest part in my life after you gone, still smile in front of people, but deep inside in my heart i was hurting. Thanks for being such a best girlfriend, talk to me like my bestfriends and thanks for treating like the best wife in my world. And now we should go, me and the boys leave your graves, i know i should always smile for my fans but i know if it’s hurting me. The day when she died because someone just shot her, when she try to help someone in the street. No one know the shooter, but some random articel said if the shooter was the haters of our relationship. Before she died because of the haters, she’s almost die too because someone trying to hit a car to her, she’s always got the haters threats and  letters but she’s always be kind to the haters. I saw some scratches scars from haters, but she never care about that, because she know the reason why they hating her.The day, when she died it was our anniversarry and she want gave me a surprise in my shows with The Janoskians, i see if she brought me a cake for me and the boys. Until now i’m still single, the reason why i’m still single because at the same day my girlfriend died, i wants to propose her to be my wife.I know, i never try to let this pass, i was thinking it’s just too hurt to know the reason why she died. I hate the haters, they can hate me but they can’t kill my girlfriend like this or they can’t bullying my fans just because they love me or the boys, i hate haters! Fuck the haters! I was try to move on but i can’t. I know, if i life in the shadows of the past, but i know she will hates me if i never try to move on and find a girl who want be my girlfriends as Jai brooks, not as members from The Janoskians. I know if you were here babe, i know you always watch me, i know i’m the only one in your heart, and you’re the one and only girl i love in the whole world after my mom. Happy anniversarry babe, Aku Cinta Kamu! I’ll see you 6 months later love!

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