Everything I Didn't Say

The small city library that was down the street from my house was my safe haven, it’s the only place that I could truly escape the cruel confines of my life. My never around mother and my non-existent father. I spent hours of my life filling my brain with others stories and others lives in hopes of finding out why mine isn’t theirs. I never figured that out, that was until I met him. Until I met Ashton.


1. Part One

The small city library that was down the street from my house was my safe haven, it’s the only place that I could truly escape the cruel confines of my life. My never around mother and my non-existent father. I spent hours of my life filling my brain with others stories and others lives in hopes of finding out why mine isn’t theirs. I never figured that out, that was until I met him. Until I met Ashton.

He captivated me, filled me with a feeling I had never felt before. I found him in the non-fiction section. A lesser populated part of the library, he was flipping through a book about some famous drummer from a band I had never heard of. His curly hair falling around his face almost angelically. He was wearing a black zip-up jacket and tight skinny jeans. I couldn’t stop myself from watching as he licked the tip of his finger to help grip the thick pages of the book as he flipped through it.

I went back to browsing the fiction section, trying to keep my eyes to myself. It turned out to be more difficult than I had thought it would be. He wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary but something drew me to him, something made me want to watch as he flipped the pages of the drumming book, I wanted to watch as his brow scrunched at some of the smaller text. I had to stifle a laugh as he sneakily slipped on a pair of glasses to finish reading the back of the book before shoving them back into his jacket. I quickly looked away as he turned his head towards me. When I looked back up the strange boy was gone. The book back where it had been before he was there.

I looked back to the books that I was looking through when a deep Australian accent filled my ears.

“It’s rude to stare you know.” It spoke, I gasped jumping and turning to see the boy standing right behind me. His black jacket and skinny jeans seeming to fit him perfectly.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” I attempted to lie. He smirked chuckling to himself. He crossed his arms over his chest watching me with a smirk playing on his perfectly plump lips. His hazel eyes peering into mine as if looking for the answer to something.

“Its fine, I only allow beautiful girls to watch me, which is why I’ll allow you to continue.” He glided away back to the book he was so interested in. My cheeks blushed a deep pink, I looked down to my shoes before slowly raising my eyes back to him. He was something, and part of me wanted to know more.

Usually I’m the quiet girl who doesn’t want to be the center of attention. I don’t speak out or take charge but for some reason I found myself walking over to the strange boy. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to get to know him.

“I’m Jessie, what’s your name?” I asked, he looked up smiling at me. He had dimples poking into the side of his cheeks only making him cuter than before.

“Ashton, my names Ashton.”


A week passed by, a week filled with text upon text of cute sayings and random questions. I found out a lot about Ashton, like he just moved from Sydney Australia to California. I also discovered he lives with his mom and sister and brother. He’s also very flirtatious, a part of him I’ve grown to love in the past week. He never takes things seriously and I think that’s the best part about him.

Towards the end of the week, Friday to be exact he texted me as per usual but it was different. It was an actual request.

What do I have to do in order to take you to dinner? Xx Ash

I smiled down at my phone thinking about a witty thing to say back to him,

You’d have to ask me :P x Jess

I hit send and went back to reading, I had nearly finished the three books I checked out last week when I met Ashton. It was about time for me to go back and check out some more. My phone buzzed making my heart race, he answered.

Alright, Jessie would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?

I couldn’t help the smile that was pulling at my cheeks. Of course I wanted to go to dinner with him. He’s a very sweet boy. And being a 16 year old girl who wouldn’t like to go to dinner with a 17 year old boy?

I’ll be ready by 6


My mom went out for the weekend leaving me alone to stress about what to wear tonight. I have no idea where were going or what I should wear. I know its dinner but how fancy? Should I wear a dress or just jeans and a nice top? There are so many different things that could happen that I don’t know where to begin. I would ask him but he said it was to be a surprise.

I finally got down to work on choosing what to wear I settled on a casual summery dress. It had a floral design and hugged a girl in all the right ways. The straps were a thick black adding to its pretty design. I grabbed my black flats slipping them on, it kept it light and casual but still dressed up enough for a nicer dinner date.

With time dwindling down and my date with Ashton racing to the start my nerves were only getting worse and worse. I had ten minutes to spare by the time I had completed my hair and makeup. I grabbed my purse off my bed and went out to the living room to wait for him. To my luck he was early.

The ringing doorbell only heightened my nerves. I quickly stood and went to the door. Taking a shaky breath I unlocked the front door pulling it open to reveal a nicely dressed Ashton.

His dark shirt matched with his dark skinnies. He wasn’t dressed up but it was a change from his hoodie and skinny’s. His light eyes traveled down my body making me feel jittery.

“Wow, you’re so beautiful.” He smiled meeting my eyes again. I blushed looking to my black flats. He reached out and grabbed my hand making my eyes meet his once again.

“Thanks…” I mumbled reaching for the door with my other hand and pulling it shut. Ashton led us to his car opening my door first and letting me slide in slowly. He shut the door and jogged quickly to the driver’s side.

“Alright, are you ready for the best date of your life Jessie?” I laughed watching him as his dimples poked out.

“Of course!” I grinned, that was his cue. He didn’t hesitate to start the car and begin the drive to wherever he was planning on taking us. He had a brand new car, something I didn’t think a teenager would have. At first I thought it was his parents but from the contents inside the car I knew better than to think that. There were old cans of soda and energy drinks thrown in the back, books littered the ground as well. It looked like an ordinary teen’s car.

“My parents got me the car last year, they thought I wanted it. I would honestly be happy with an old beat up trunk but I’m not complaining. This BMW works.” He said reading my mind. I nodded the leather interior was sleek and nice, it didn’t seem too old. I glanced back at him, his curly hair framing his face in the same angelic way as when I first met him.

The drive was short, he took us to a small restaurant. They had a bar on the inside but outside there was a garden like area with a white trellis running around the back of the garden. Green vines ran along the white small flowers blooming at random. It was honestly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

A young waitress met us and led us to a table. The white metal matching the rest of the garden. She handed us two menus and left us to decide.

“So tell me about yourself.” Ashton asked when we were finished choosing what we wanted.

“There’s not much to tell, you know a lot from texts.” I shrugged, I’m a very simple person, and I don’t do much other than read. I don’t see why he’s so interested in me to be honest.

“What’s your favorite color?” He asked randomly. I didn’t have to think about that question, it’s an average question people ask.

“Light blue.” He nodded watching me intently.

“What?” I asked feeling nervous under his stare. He chuckled shaking his head.

“Nothing, I just don’t understand you.” He said making me even more confused than I was before. I scrunched my brow at him, he shook his head.

“I’m sorry?” I said not really sure how to respond to that. He shrugged taking a sip of the complimentary water they gave us.

“Don’t be, you fascinate me.” He smirked around the rim of the glass, the flustered feeling coming back. My eyes dropped down to my silverware unsure what to say to that. He chuckled causing me to look up at him and see him leaning back in his chair, he’s so comfortable around me, and I don’t understand it.

“So, what made you think to bring me here?” I asked surprising myself. That made him sit up straight again. His eyes wandered around the white trellis lined garden. He sighed bringing his gaze back to me.

“My mom brought me here once, she said it’s her lucky spot. Part of me believes her but I guess we’ll find out won’t we?” He smiled. Taking in his words I wanted to believe his mother, I wanted to think that this place could really hold some form of luck and actually help me have some form of a friend, or maybe more if that’s possible.

“I guess we will” I finally responded, just as he was about to ask me something else the waitress came back.

“What will you two have for dinner this evening?” She asked, I glanced down at my menu ordering what I wanted after Ashton ordered his. The waitress smiled taking our menus and wandering back to the kitchen to place our orders.

“Why do you like that library so much? I’ve seen you there every time I go. Which isn’t that often but still.” He asked watching me with his hazel eyes.

“Why don’t you ever wear your glasses?” I asked instead of answering his question. His eyes widened like he didn’t realize I knew. He cast his gaze downward picking at the table cloth.

“Uh, I don’t look good with them on.” He mumbled. I shook my head, he’s very much wrong but I don’t think I would win that argument.

“I go there because it’s my one safe place.” I said instantly wondering why I would say that. I hardly know this boy and I nearly told him I have a fucked up family life. His eyes met mine in wonder.

“What do you read?” He asked, I could tell he was trying to avoid asking me the one question he wanted to ask, why I needed a safe place away from home. I silently thanked him with my eyes and took a deep breath.

“I read what every average teenage girl reads. Murder mysteries.” I smirked. He laughed a full-fledged, dimple popping, eye scrunching laugh. I couldn’t help but admire how cute he looked when he laughed. His head thrown back, curls flying everywhere. His laugh was beautiful, it wasn’t an ordinary laugh it was different. But a good different. It was hot.

“You’re anything but average.” He finally said after catching his breath. I laughed shaking my head, if only he knew me.

“What about you, I saw you had a drumming book. Oh and don’t think I haven’t realized you said you watched me every time you came to the library, I caught that.” I smirked. He grinned watching me closely.

“I used to play the drums, I still find it thoroughly fascinating.” He explained. I nodded wondering why he stopped playing but something in the way he looked at me told me that I shouldn’t ask.

“What school do you go to?” I asked, his eyes widened but he answered anyways.

“I’m home schooled.” He replied. I nodded understanding that maybe he felt weird that he was home schooled.

Finally the waitress came back interrupting Ashton’s staring at me. She placed down our food and left leaving me to ponder the boy in front of me.

The rest of the dinner was spent eating and laughing creating our own memories. He stopped asking questions and went straight into telling me about what the differences between here and Australia are and surprisingly enough there are a bunch.

By the time we had had our dinner and dessert it was nearly 10. My curfew is 11 but I think it’s best if we don’t overdo a first date. Ashton drove me back to my house opening my door to let me out. He walked me to the front door, I turned and faced him.

“Thank you for dinner, it was lovely.” I said, he grinned nodding at me. He was taller than I was and was forced to look down slightly. I stared up at him smiling.

“You’re very welcome Jessie. I hope we can do this again.” He beamed. I nodded maybe a little too enthusiastically but he seemed to like it.

“Until then.” He said leaning and kissing my cheek softly. I blushed a bright red. He chuckled turning and walking back to his car.

“Goodnight” He called.

“Good night Ashton” I said back to him. He smiled getting into his car and driving away from my house leaving me dazed from the perfect first date.


A few days past and all I could think about were hazel eyes and a musical laugh. Ashton filled my mind with everything I did. The text tone I had on my iPhone became my favorite sound. Every time he sent me a text my heart fluttered and I felt like I was on cloud 9. I don’t think I have ever felt this way about another guy. I mean sure, I’ve never had what you would call a real boyfriend but I know this isn’t the normal butterflies. At least I think… Ashton had wanted to take me out again, and of course I wanted to go with him. But this time I had to deal with my mom, for once she was getting nosey and wanted to know why I was constantly smiling at my phone and why it was constantly going off.

“So who is he?” She finally asked walking into the kitchen to find me snacking on a croissant. I looked down at the pastry in my hand. I should just tell her but I don’t even know what to call Ashton myself. I don’t think he’s quite my boyfriend but I hope he wants to be at one point in time.

“His names Ashton. He’s just a guy I went on one date with. It’s not that serious.” I shrugged adding a silent ‘yet’ in my mind. She nodded her dark hair falling to her shoulders. She was trying and that’s something I guess.

“Well I would love to meet him if you two go out again.” She smiled awkwardly at me. I nodded chewing the pastry once again. That’s more or less how all the conversations I have with my mom. Very awkward and very little happens. 


Outside was beautiful, it was a warm summer day and I honestly wanted to spend it outside but sadly my mom left me alone and took our only car which left me without transportation. I couldn’t just lay out back because our backyard is trashed. My mom not wanting to clean it up and I not wanting to hear it from her for doing it myself.

So instead I’m sitting on my bed with my nose buried in a book about a boy and a girl who both have cancer. I read for hours on end, I think I have read enough novels to fill an entire library myself.

Flipping the page of my book I hear my phone go off, I can’t help the smile that breaks out on my lips from hearing the ding.

Good Afternoon! Would you like to accompany me on an adventure to the big ocean blue? Xx Ashton

I giggled at his text folding the corner of my book and shutting it. I placed it on the mattress next to me and went to answer Ashton’s text.

Will this adventure have cookies?

I hit send getting up and walking to my wardrobe. I grabbed a bikini and shorts with a flowy top before stripping from my current attire and changing into my new outfit of choice. By the time I was dressed Ashton had responded to my weird text back.

No adventure would be complete without cookies! I’ll be over in 5

I raced around my room grabbing a purse and shoving what I could fit and needed inside of it. By the time I was completely packed there was a knock on the door. My heart did a flutter before I opened the door to see Ashton in a band T-shirt that he cut into a tank-top with shorts and flip flops. I grinned at him from the doorway.

“You look beautiful” He spoke looking me up and down. I blushed turning my face to my own sandals.

“Thanks” I muttered reaching for the door before stepping out and shutting it behind me. Ashton led the way back to his car opening the door for me. I thanked him softly before sliding inside.

“Okay! To the beach!” Ashton cheered starting his car and pulling out onto the road. I found myself watching him as he drove. His face was flawless, the soft curls falling slightly over his ears. His honey eyes staying on the road to ensure our safety. His muscular arms outstretched to the wheel.

“Staring is rude you know” He chuckled, the dimples I’m starting to adore popping out to say hello. I blushed turning my attention to my lap.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I was.” I lied, He smirked glancing at me quickly.

“That’s perfectly alright. So tell me, what have you been up to in the past few days since I’ve seen you?” He asked. I sighed, I’ve honestly done nothing but text him and read but that sounds terrible.

“Uh, I don’t know.” I said hoping he wouldn’t press it any further. To my surprise he responded with his own answer.

“Oh, my days can be summed up with texting you and watching Chopped.” He shrugged, I couldn’t help but laugh he was exactly like me. Spending his days infatuated with two things his phone and for him his TV. I on the other had was thoroughly entranced by my phone and books.

“Well I wasn’t going to tell you but that’s more or less what I’ve been doing as well.” I blushed feeling stupid for thinking I should lie about myself. He laughed glancing to me.

“Have you ever been to the amusement park by the beach?” Ashton asked once we had nearly gotten to our destination. I shook my head, I had always wanted to go and my dad had promised to take me but with what happened and him becoming non-existent it just never happened.


“Well Jessie I think it’s time someone took you there. Could I have the honors?” He asked taking the exit off the freeway leading to where I knew the amusement park was. I nodded enthusiastically who better to take me here than Ashton. I know he can make it a blast.

Three bags of cotton candy later both Ashton and I had major sugar rushes and had been on three rollercoasters without puking. I don’t think I had laughed and had that much fun with someone in a very long time.

“I think that was my favorite ride so far” Ashton gushed his sugar rush still holding strong. I laughed agreeing with him. All the rides here have been great especially having Ash and a riding buddy.

“Is that a stuffed banana!?” Ashton nearly screamed making me jump. I turned quickly to see what the hell he was talking about and indeed there was a stuffed banana. I didn’t have time to respond before he was bounding over to the game room. He was quick to hand the man behind the counter a few dollars, getting three balls in return. He was grinning ear to ear as he aimed the balls at the three milk bottles. I giggled as Ashton threw it and the ball missed completely.

He huffed but didn’t give up, he threw the second ball and nearly took the man running the stands head off. Ashton gasped apologizing before he threw his third and final ball managing to tap all three bottles but not knock a single one over. He pouted turning away from the game and looking to me. I couldn’t stand the sad face he had on so I reached in my wallet and pulled out three dollars. I handed them to the man and he gave me three more balls. I placed two of them on the bench in front of me before aiming at the bottles. I threw the ball forward watching as it knocked over all three bottles in one swipe. I beamed as the man applauded me.

“What prize would you like little lady?” He asked me, I don’t appreciate the little title but none the less I pointed to a banana wearing a blue bandana and sunglasses. The man nodded reaching up and untying it so he could give me my prize. I turned to see Ashton pouting still as he looked from me to the prize.

“Is this the one you wanted?” I asked playfully. He nodded watching me closely. I smirked handing him the banana. The smile he had on his face could cure cancer it was so big and happy. He looked like a kid in a candy shop.

“Thank you! This is totally backwards but thank you!” He joked. I shrugged I played softball as a kid but he doesn’t need to know that.

The rest of the evening we went on ride after ride having the banana follow us around. Eventually we both got hungry and decided to stop and have a hot dog. We were sat at a bench both with hot dogs in hand when he asked.

“Where’s your father?” I gulped down the bite I had taken of my hot dog. I hate this question. I knew I was doomed to the question being brought up.

“It’s a long story” I mumbled once I swallowed down my hot dog. He nodded watching me, waiting. I sighed he wasn’t going to drop it this time. I placed my food down on the plate and looked up to meet Ashton’s eyes.

“He’s gone. He cheated on my mom with her best friend. He had an entire second family with her. Basically when my mom found out she blamed me and said it was my fault he wasn’t happy with us anymore. He left with his other wife and now they live somewhere in England happily ever after. I haven’t heard from him in years.” I said my eyes had found their way back to my food. I didn’t want to meet Ashton’s eyes. The story isn’t even that bad I just hate explaining it. I’m ashamed to be the reason my dad left.

“That’s bullshit.” He said his voice lowering a few octaves. It actually scared me at first, he sounded angry. I looked up to see his honey eyes had grown darker his brow furrowed in anger.

“What?” I said. He shook his head before gazing into my eyes.

“You are not the reason your dad’s a douche. He’s an idiot for leaving you. You’re the best daughter he could have asked for.” Ashton said taking my hand in his. I sighed nodding, I’ve heard this speech before. From counselors and teachers, everyone.

“C’mon let’s go ride the Fire Ball one more time” Ashton suggested grabbing our trash and throwing it out. I nodded taking his hand and rushing off to the ride with him. Once we had finished with the ride it was getting dark. I watched as the sunset took over the sky. The pinks and orange colors becoming smaller and smaller as the sun went down.

“It’s beautiful” I smiled, Ashton was standing beside me watching the sun go down, or so I thought.

“Yeah, you are…” He sighed. I laughed turning to him to see he was watching me instead of the sky. He hesitated at first but he reached over and entwined our fingers together. I smiled down at our linked hands before continuing to watch the sunset. Once the sun was more or less gone out of sight Ashton sighed bringing my attention back to him.

His eyes seemed bright even with the sun now gone. He watched me as I watched him, his eyes trailing down to my lips before looking back into my eyes.

“Can I kiss you Jessie?” He whispered. I licked my lips nodding slowly. He reached up and cupped my cheek slowly bringing himself closer to me. His eyes shut and his lips connected with mine. It was a soft kiss, short, but definitely nice. His lips were plump and smooth. When he pulled away our eyes connected once more.

“Wow.” He laughed. I nodded wow was right.

“Let’s head back?” He said. I shrugged not really caring if I got home now or later. It’s not like I had school or anything. We got back to the car and got in it. Ashton slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

“So tell me about yourself?” I asked realizing he knew everything about me but I knew very little about him.

“Well I live with my mum a few streets over from you. I’m homeschooled as you know and I have a cat named Katy.” He smiled. I laughed, how cute.

“What’s your favorite food?” I questioned he made a thinking face before smiling and laughing. I didn’t get the joke.

“Broccoli.” He said surprising me. I chuckled nodding and watching the road as we drove the way home.

“What’s the one thing you want most?” I asked, it was a weird feeling. I knew he was thinking about it, but once he was quiet for so long I knew he knew the answer. He just wasn’t telling me it.

“Uh, honestly?” He asked. I nodded watching him as he chewed on his bottom lip. He sighed rubbing his chin slowly. We were about halfway home, we still had a few minutes’ drive.

“I didn’t really want to ask you this way. But I guess this is how it’s going down.” He chuckled nervously. I gave him a puzzled look before he finally told me what was on his mind.

“I would want you to be called my girlfriend.” He blushed. If he wasn’t driving I knew he would be looking down at his feet with a dark red tint in his cheeks. I didn’t respond quickly. I was in too much shock. I know I should answer him and let him know that I would love to be called his girlfriend but I just couldn’t find my voice. It was like I was frozen. He took the chance to take a glance at me, but had to watch the road quickly after.

“Yes” I breathed. I could physically see his worry evaporate, his entire demeanor changed. He seemed happy and excited once my answer was spoken.


Two days later I’m here in my living room with Ashton’s head in my lap as we watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer together. He’s never seen it before, I’ve seen every episode and knew I had to watch it with him. He seemed to be enjoying it, I was more focused on the feeling of his hair between my fingers. It was so soft, I wonder what conditioner he uses… That’s a weird thing to wonder isn’t it…?

“Oh come on! Zander and Cordillia really!?” Ash groaned looking up at me. I laughed nodding, I never really understood that couple either but its just part of the story.

“How many more episodes of this season?” Ashton asked, I shrugged grabbing the remote and searching it up.

“Five more. Want to watch something else?” I asked, we’ve spent most of the day watching this one TV show and I know that can get old to some people. He gave me an odd look before he sat up still watching me. My eyes widened, worried I had something on my face from the way he was watching me.

“What?” I asked touching my cheek out of insecurity.

“I want you to meet my mom.” He said. I looked down, he hasn’t even met my mom I don’t think I’m ready for that. His hands found mine, cupping them soothingly.

“If you don’t want to I understand but I really want you to meet her. She knows about you and I promised I would introduce you two eventually.” He said. I nodded slowly thinking over what I wanted to do. I took a deep breath.

“Let’s go meet your mom.” I smiled standing up with him. I went to my room and pulled on a nicer shirt and took my hair out of its messy bun applying some foundation and mascara before we left.

“She’s going to love you Jess.” He encouraged. I smiled weakly following him out to his car. He opened the passenger door for me to slide into. Part of me was scared, I wanted to think that his mom is sweet and kind just like him but another part is thinking the worst. She could hate me and not let me see him anymore. We haven’t been together all that long but I do know that if someone told me I couldn’t see him again I would be devastated. I’ve grown an attachment to him throughout the dates and these past few days.

“So what’s your mom like?” I asked. Ashton grinned glancing at me. He looked so happy, like I had given him the world.

“She’s very much like me, well actually I’m very much like her if you want the technical.” He giggled. I rolled my eyes, he’s adorable at times.

“Okay, so you think I can get along with her?” I asked. Ashton nodded still smiling as he drove through the streets. I soon discovered he really didn’t live all that far from me. Only a few blocks over.

 We pulled up to a small house, the outside was white with a dark trim. It looked like any ordinary house. I don’t know what I was expecting but I guess it wasn’t a normal house. Ashton pulled into the driveway next to an old beat up Honda. So he has a nicer car than his mom? I don’t understand…

“Just be yourself.” He encouraged before he got out of the car and helped me out as well. I nodded taking a breath of air before we descended onto the front porch of the house. Ashton pulled out his house keys and let us in.

“Mom?” He called, there was the sound of pots clinking together coming from somewhere in the house, I’m assuming the kitchen.

“In the kitchen Ash!” A woman’s voice called back to us, the clinking continuing. Ashton smiled down at me before tugging me down the hall to where the voice was coming from. My heart rate was rising as we got closer and closer to the room in which his mom was. We were finally at the door to the hidden voice. Ashton not even hesitating to push open the door and pull me inside. A woman with sandy blonde hair stood at a sink washing dishes as she watched Ellen on the TV.

“Did you have fun at Jessie’s?” She asked without turning around. Ashton chuckled softly squeezing my hand.

“Yep! But I had so much fun I couldn’t help but bring the fun home.” He said, his mom turned around her eyes widening at my presence. I smiled politely at her.

“Oh! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” She beamed dropping the pot she was washing back into the sink before scurrying over to me and pulling me into a hug. I gasped hugging her back, I was shocked she seemed to accept me immediately. I wasn’t expecting that.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Ms. Irwin.” I smiled. She released me waving a hand at me.

“Just call me Anne.” She waved off. I nodded, Ashton led me over to the table sitting down and pulling me into his lap. My cheeks flushed a pink. I can’t believe he’s doing this in front of his mom, this is so embarrassing.

“You two are just so cute.” Anne gushed going back to her dishes she had abandoned to say hello to me. I guess she doesn’t mind the PDA.

“Well she is.” Ashton murmured. I rolled my eyes leaning back to look at him. He could see the confusion and worry in my eyes, his hand smoothed over mine rubbing soothing circles into it.

“Don’t worry” He mouthed at me. I nodded trying to take his words into consideration.

“So what are you two love birds up to this evening? Don’t forget you have a-” Anne started to say but Ashton cut her off.

“I know mom, we’ll be in my room.” He said standing up with me still on his lap. I eventually slid down since you can’t still sit on someone if they’re standing up.

“Okay, you know what time then.” Anne said, a disappointed look in her eyes. Ashton nodded turning and dragging me along with him. I wanted to ask why he seemed to be hiding something from me but I don’t think it’s my place to ask quite yet. We walked further into his house, we went down the hall all the way to the end. The last room at the end with a big ‘DO NOT ENTER’ sign pasted to the door. I smiled, it looked old like he had put that on there when he was very young.

“So don’t laugh… its kind of messy…” He said nervously. I smiled shaking my head.

“I would never…” I smirked. He rolled his eyes pulling me into the room. It was dark so I couldn’t see anything yet but when he finally turned the lights on it all came into view.

He had posters hung up of bands, The Rolling Stones, The Ramones, Blink-182, there were so many I couldn’t name them all without it taking forever. My eyes found Ashton’s once again, he was watching me intently waiting for my verdict on his room.

“So…?” He asked weakly. I smiled holding his hand as I looked around the teenage boy’s room. The floor had clothes everywhere just how you would imagine any teenage boy’s bedroom to look.

“I think you should do some laundry but other than that I think it’s pretty cool.” I joked. He chuckled pulling me into a strong hug.

“Well thanks for the tip but I’m a little busy at the moment.” He said, his hands slipped lower just above my backside. My eyes narrowed playfully at him.

“So you think.” I winked scrambling out of his grasp and moving to the opposite side of the room. He laughed walking to me and cornering me against his bed. I had nowhere to go. I looked around, my eyes landing on an orange pill bottle Ashton noticed my staring and turned to see what I was looking at. His whole body tensed.

“What’s that?” I asked. He licked his lips nervously walking over to it and picking it up. He slipped it into a drawer on his nightstand.

“I get headaches. It’s just for migraines…” He said, his eyes never meeting mine. Something told me I shouldn’t believe him but not to push the subject. I let it drop. But this wouldn’t be the last time I asked him about it.


A month of dating Ashton went by in a blink of an eye. We we’re inseparable. Surprisingly when Ashton did have to meet my mom she wasn’t angry or weird. She seemed normal, which is odd she was never normal.

After the night she met Ashton she came into my room. He never does that either which made me worried. She usually doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.

“So Ashton is a sweet boy.” She said sitting on the end of my bed. I nodded looking up from the book I was reading.

“I noticed you haven’t been going to the library as much as before.” She says. I nod, I didn’t even know she knew I went to the library every day.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy. Ashton keeps me busy” I shrug wondering where this conversation is going. She nods looking uncomfortable.

“Well you know, I want you to know that if there’s ever a time when you’re not okay with something he wants to do, just say no.” She says. My brow scrunches, what is she talking about?


“I just mean, that when the time comes for you two to have sex please be safe and don’t let him push you into it.” She gushed looking like she had a giant burden lifted off her shoulders. My mouth gaped, she didn’t just say that.

“Mom! We haven’t done that, and he’s not like that. He won’t push me into it. Only if I want, but that’s not any of your business. I can’t believe we’re even talking like this.” I blush. Her cheeks were just as pink as mine as she stood from the bed and walked to the door.

“I trust you, I just thought I had to say something. Sorry for bothering you.” She rushed hurrying out the door. She shut it behind her, this is the number one reason why she doesn’t talk to me. I know she regrets it the second she does. She hurries away from the conversation the second she sees the opportunity.

I sighed laying back in my bed pulling up my latest convo with Ashton. This is the first night we didn’t hangout. We’ve seen each other every day for the past month and it doesn’t get boring.

What are you thinking about? X Jess

Tbh, you. I was thinking about how we have seen each other every night this month and today we haven’t. Xx Ash

I smiled down at my phone, it’s weird I was just thinking the same thing. I went to send another text but I heard a tap on my window. I felt my heart rate rise. It could be a burglar trying to get into my house. I slowly got out of my bed, I didn’t want to but I walked over to the window. I pulled back the curtains looking out to see a grinning Ashton. He had a black hoodie and skinny jeans on. His hair hidden behind a beanie. I smiled at him opening the window.

“What are you doing here?” I giggled. He shrugged getting closer to the window.

“I missed you, thought I would surprise you.” He said casually. I laughed opening up the window more and moving out of the way so he could get inside.

“Is your mom home?” He asked. I nodded solemnly.

“Yeah, but I think she’s about to go to sleep.” I said. He nodded helping me shut the window once he was inside.  I couldn’t help but look him over, his honey eyes were wide with wonder as he took in my room. He’s been in here before but never at night.

“If you want me to leave just say so okay? I won’t get my feelings hurt.” He said looking back to me. I nodded but I knew I wouldn’t ever tell him to leave. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me flush to his chest. I didn’t think twice about it, my lips were connected with his. My eyes shut as I savored the kiss, his plump lips pressed against mine. He pulled away for a second looking me in the eyes.

“What?” I asked feeling uncomfortable under his gaze.

“You’d tell me if you didn’t want to do something right?” He asked. I scrunched my brow in confusion but nodded.

“Yea, what are you talking about?” I asked. He sighed pressing his forehead against mine shutting his eyes.

“I just don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want to do.” He admitted. I couldn’t help but smile, he’s so adorable.

“I would never let you do anything I didn’t feel comfortable with. I promised. He seemed to believe me because he nodded with a small smile playing on his lips. I leaned up and pecked his lips softly before untangling myself from him and pulling him over to the bed with me.

“I was reading, come sit with me?” I said. He nodded crawling up onto the bed with me and snuggling against my side as I picked up the book once again. His lips brushed against my neck as I tried to concentrate on reading but I found it extremely difficult to concentrate with his lips anywhere near me.

“What are you doing?” I giggled as he played with my hair and kissed my neck. He chuckled shrugging.

“Your hair is so soft.” He hummed. I laughed rolling my eyes and placing the book down beside me so I could turn and see Ashton better.

“Thanks, it’s the shampoo I use.” I said. He smirked sniffing my hair this time. I laughed pushing him slightly but snuggling back into him after.

“I need to stop thinking about you in the shower.” He murmured. My eyes widened and deep blush filling my cheeks. He smirked kissing my pink cheek softly as he played with my hair again.

“So, uh,” I tried to think of something to change the subject but I couldn’t come up with anything. He seemed amused by my flustered state taking it all in. I turned and kissed him hard, I don’t know what came over me but I wanted to kiss him. He didn’t seem worried about it at all, he just kissed me back softly at first but soon deepened it. I was a little shocked when he pushed his tongue through but I let him, the feeling being slightly foreign but I liked it.

“Jess…” He gasped pulling away slightly. I hadn’t noticed until I opened my eyes but we had switched positions. He was now hovering above me, his normal light eyes were dark with something I had never seen in him: lust.

“Yeah?” I panted trying to even my breathing but finding that a very difficult task at the moment. He looked me over before speaking once again.

“I don’t think we’re ready for this.” He said. My mind instantly knew where he thought this was going. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that either. I was happy he had stopped before it escalated any further than this.

“No, I don’t think we are either.” I said looking anywhere but at his face that was above me. I knew he was watching me curiously.

“Hey, Jess? Don’t look like that.” He said. I finally looked up to meet his gaze, his eyes had softened and he looked sad.

“What do you mean?” I asked confused. He sighed falling next to me and leaning on his elbow to watch me.

“You look sad, I don’t like seeing you sad.” He admitted. I shook my head, I wasn’t sad I was just confused. Part of me wanted Ashton in every way possible, but that was the illogical part of me. The logical part of me knew to wait, that we shouldn’t rush into something like this.

“I’m not sad, I just don’t really understand what’s going on in my head right now if that makes any sense.” I shrugged smiling softly. He nodded kissing my forehead and pulling me against him again. It was starting to get late and I was tried so I reached over and turned off the light snuggling back into Ashton’s grip.

“Does your mom ever come into your room throughout the night?” Ashton asked softly. I shook my head, she never cared. She didn’t check on me to see if I was even here.

“No, she never comes in here usually.” I say. He nods kissing my head once more before getting comfortable. We both fell silent our breathing evening out until we both fell asleep cuddling into each other. And from that night on I don’t think I could ever be more comfortable than I am right now.


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