That's what i felt while looking at her.
She was so beautiful, so gorgeous, so perfect.
And i didn't derserve her.
I liked her. Very much.
But most of what i had said, most of what i had done, it was a lie.
And she couldn't find that out.
She couldn't because she would hate me and i wouldn't stand that.
I do care about her but i feel like i'm was impostor.
Well, no. Take the "feel like" away. I WAS actually an impostor. And i was playing with her heart.
All those feeling i showed when she was around, they weren't exactly fake but they weren't totally true as well.
This is hard to explain.
I didn't want to break her but...it was never my decision.
"Luke, the band needs a little bit more of a highlight." said John Feldman, our producer.
"What type of highlight?" I questioned while looking around the small room that was only occupied by John, Simon Cowell, One Direction's manager, and me.
"Well, we know the band has achieved many awards and sold out various shows all around the world lately but yet, the press has nothing to talk about that might drag more attention towards 5 Seconds of Summer." said Simon looking at me.
"But whatever we should do, shouldn't be discussed with the other lads here because i'm not 5sos, i'm just a member of it." I didn't like the course of this conversation. It didn't give me a good feeling.
"We know that, Luke, but this is a... how can i say it? A point that cannot be supported by the four of you. So, listen, i don't want you to react inmediatly after we tell you what this is about, so please, think about it first." John's awkward way of being was making me anxious.
"Okay, so, there's a side of Niall's family that goes by the last name of Gallagher. Niall's mom has a brother, and he has two daughters. Riley and Pamela." Simon said not taking his eyes off me for a second.
"So what? You're gonna tell me that I'm supposed to go out with both of them to create a polemic?" I said joking, but neither of them smiled.
"Not with both. Only one. Pamela. Or Pam, how she's usually called." Continued John, but i had had enough.
"No way." I said.
"Luke. Remember on what we agreed about you thinking about it." said John.
"John, i don't want to do this. I don't wanna date someone i don't like because it will give the band more fame. I'm not willing to break a girl's heart just to make 5 Seconds of Summer rise."
"Who said something about breaking her heart?" asked Simon.
"Oh, c'mon. She's gonna find out sooner or later." I standed up and started to walk from one side of the room to the other while i bit my lip ring.
"Now that's your task. She does't have to find out because if she does and if she ends up being the type of girl who spills out everything when she's mad it will not be a great thing for the band's image." Said Simon.
"That's another reason why i won't do it."
"You might end up liking her. She's really beautiful." John said.
"And how do you know that?"
Simon took out his cellphone and went through his pictures for a second and handed it to me.
In the screen there was a picture of him, Niall and a teenage girl. A very pretty teenage girl with long blonde hair and blue or green eyes.
"Is that her?" I asked handing him the phone.
"Yep." He said taking it.
"Then that's another good reason not to do it because she's too pretty to be seen heartbroken."
John let out a sigh.
"Luke, the thing is that you have no choice. Hi or Hey Records insisted on this and they said that it has to be done."
"What?! But you said that i should think about it!" I yelled.
"I know, I know. I wouldn't even have presented you the idea of it was not necessary. They want you to do it."
"Please tell me there's a way out." I begged him.
"I'm sorry, Luke." said Simon and i could see in their eyes that they didn't wanted this either.
*end of flashback*
Since i had no other choice i had made myself like her. I had convinced myself that i liked her so that my interest wouldn't look that fake.
I developed a slight crush on her and i really thought that she was gorgeous but i still wasn't in love with her, though i had said it.
All these dates, i gave the ideas but it was a part of my team who set it all.
I was being a dick.
It killed me seeing her happy face whenever "I" surprised her because her feelings were real but mine, not quite.
I wished i would have Ash's luck. He was with Clary because he loved her. Truly.
He was never pushed to like her.
He was never forced to hurt someone.
Short and heartbreaking chapter, i know.
It's a complete plot twist and i hope you don't hate me for this.