Ramdom stories

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2. Random story 1: Chilly San Diego

Maud Randall was thinking about Daniel Barker again. Daniel was an admirable rover with charming thighs and hairy toenails.

Maud walked over to the window and reflected on her quiet surroundings. She had always loved chilly San Diego with its tall, tan tunnels. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an admirable figure of Daniel Barker.

Maud gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was an admirable, generous, port drinker with beautiful thighs and greasy toenails. Her friends saw her as a valid, victorious volcano. Once, she had even rescued a dirty old man from a burning building.

But not even an admirable person who had once rescued a dirty old man from a burning building, was prepared for what Daniel had in store today.

The clouds danced like running kittens, making Maud cross. Maud grabbed a peculiar sandwich that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Maud stepped outside and Daniel came closer, she could see the cheerful glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want a fight," Daniel bellowed, in a selfish tone. He slammed his fist against Maud's chest, with the force of 4554 frogs. "I frigging love you, Maud Randall."

Maud looked back, even more cross and still fingering the peculiar sandwich. "Daniel, let's move in together," she replied.

They looked at each other with barmy feelings, like two obnoxious, outrageous owls sleeping at a very sinister Christening, which had trance music playing in the background and two giving uncles shouting to the beat.

Maud studied Daniel's charming thighs and hairy toenails. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you a fight," she explained, in pitying tones.

Daniel looked sneezy, his body raw like a rabblesnatching, rapid ruler.

Maud could actually hear Daniel's body shatter into 6652 pieces. Then the admirable rover hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of port would calm Maud's nerves tonight.

THE END 

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