My eyes began to pour over the pages of the book in front of me, my eyes flickering from one word to the next. My flatmates Dan and Phil were attempting to construct a flat pack bookshelf for me and Phil as our books had nowhere to go. By the grunting and fierce noises coming from Dan’s room, I was only left to guess how much the bookshelf actually looked like a bookshelf.
I had offered to help at one point but because they’re ‘men’ they denied my offer and claimed they’d be fine on their own “We’re nearly done anyway” Phil shrugged at the time. That was 3 hours ago.
Setting my gripping book down, I stood up to my full height and made my way to the kitchen.
The sudden change to tiles from fuzzy carpet shocked me at first even though the amount of times I had made this journey was countless. I opened the cupboard doors and got out 3 mugs. The boys had been working away at that poor bookshelf for a while now so I decided to make some tea.
As the kettle was boiling I picked up my headphones from the kitchen counter top and slipped them into my ears. The song was ‘Let it Roll’ By All Time Low. This was a sweet salutation to my ears, so much so that I couldn’t help but dance as I collected the milk from the large fridge in the corner of the room. Thank god neither of them could see me.
I carefully stirred each tea in turn before yanking my headphones out and carelessly launching them over my shoulder. I placed all the steaming mugs onto a wooden tray and carried them out into the corridor.
With the tip of my foot, I poked Dan’s bedroom door open and saw Dan with the instructions in one hand and a massive wooden hammer in the other. Phil was pressing random keys on Dan’s piano.
When they caught sight of me standing there they smiled warmly. Phil stood from his crouch on the floor and helped me with the tray. “Thanks love” He grinned whilst ruffling my curls like a child. I took the instructions out of Dan’s hand and glanced at them before sighing. “You two are hopeless aren’t you?” I chuckled slightly as Dan faked a hurt expression. “No!” They both protested, I begged to differ “You’ve been making this for almost 4 hours and you’ve barely done anything!” I laughed gesturing to the crap bookshelf outline in the centre of the room. “The instructions are hard to read!” Dan complained “That’s because you’ve been holding them upside down” I giggled handing Dan the instructions the right way up. “Thanks” He mumbled, smirking a little as he bathed in his own embarrassment. “Whose is whose?” Phil asked me curiously as he eyed the blisteringly hot tea perched on Dan’s desk. “Yours is the rubix cube mug and Dan’s is in the Universal one.” “Thanks (Y/N)” Dan grinned at me before reaching over for his mug.
“Give me the hammer” I instructed to Phil who glanced at me with a quizzical expression, I ignored him and plucked the hammer from the edge of Dan’s bed. “Don’t tell me you’re going to do it” Dan raised an eyebrow at me as if I were joking. “Well you’ve taken long enough” I returned snippily. Phil shrugged but Dan was going to defend his crappy bookshelf creation to the end. “Look! What we have built is as sturdy as a boulder!” He claimed hammering his open palm onto the top of it. Comically it an ear-splitting noise and fell into a hopeless heap on the floor. Dan looked back at me sheepishly; I smirked with a smug feeling in my stomach, I had clearly won that argument.
“Well I’m going into town” Phil said before downing the rest of his tea in one go. “I need some new jeans, you guys coming?” he asked, I shook my head but Dan just glanced at his laptop on the other side open on the window ledge. “I’ll take that as a no then” Phil chuckled already seeing what Dan wanted to be doing.
Shortly after Phil had left I began carefully examining each piece. “Need any help?” Dan mocked lying on his stomach on his bed. His MacBook was open in front of him. “Yeah you can start by shutting your mouth” I told him feeling proud of my come back. Dan laughed and continued to browse through his Twitter and Tumblr.
About 30 minutes past and I was almost done. I was screwing in the last few pieces when I noticed a nail was missing. In my attempt to find the metal screw I bent down to look under the Dan’s piano, it wasn’t there. I noticed Dan looking at me when I sat back up again.
He looked so…adorable. He was wearing his llama hat which pushed some of his soft brown locks into his eyes, the familiar brown chocolaty orbs gazed though the stray pieces of hair and looked into my blue ones. His lips were pulled up at the edges and were quirked up into a smile. He looked extremely sweet and kissable in this moment and it took everything within me not to reach over and kiss him then and there. It then dawned on me ‘how many girls would kill to be in my position right now?’
My trail of thought was interrupted by Dan moving his gaze from me to the completed bookshelf. He let out a low whistle.
“It certainly looks better than mine”
“Thanks” I replied, colour flushing my cheeks. I never was good at accepting flattery.
Sneakily I stole a glance at Dan; he was grabbing his phone and plugging it in at the wall to charge.
Not only did he look cute, he looked so comfortable that a large part of me envied him. Dan had a winter jumper on, a plush blanket wrapped around his shoulders and thick bed socks which poked out the other end of the throw over.
I suddenly felt really cold; a large body wracking shiver ran down my spine. Dan noticed and hesitated for a moment before saying “C’mere” he gestured under the blanket for me to cuddle up next to him and get warm. I looked at him through suspicious eyes just to check if he was being serious. He saw my doubt almost immediately “We can be like penguins” He laughed, I giggled too before I gingerly crawled under the blanket with him. Our bodies were pressed close together, so close that I could feel his chest rise and fall. “Better?” He asked me in a quiet voice, I nodded because it did feel better. The feeling of Dan so close to me was sweet and comforting “thanks” I replied.
Dan shuffled uncomfortably and sighed “Can we move back?” I agreed as we both fell back against the pillows and sighed simultaneously. I saw out of the corner of my eye Dan with a huge grin spread across his face. He leaned his head on my shoulder and I snuggled closer to him. It filled me with the greatest feeling.
Without warning he glanced up at me and shifted his head so he could plant a quick kiss on my cheek. I felt the red blush spread all over my features…what had gotten into Dan?
We both exchanged a shell shocked glance; surely we hadn’t gotten this close to each other?
“You don’t mind if I go on my laptop do you?” Dan whispered, his head still leaning comfortably on my shoulder. I nodded knowing he would be on his Tumblr and Twitter and even Facebook if the lengths of boredom pushed him far enough.
Dan sat with his laptop on his thighs and snuggled his head into the space of my collarbone. I tried and failed to hide the smile on my face, this would probably disturb my inner fangirl. Repressing it as much as possible I closed my eyes and rested my head against Dan’s, he looked at me with a small grin before retuning his gaze to his latest tweet. After a short time I felt myself sleepily, within minutes I was asleep.
After I reblogged a few posts on Tumblr and smiled at a funny comment on a video I suddenly noticed that (Y/N)’s breathing was slow, even and regular; her warm breath tickled my cheek slightly.
I gazed up, careful not to move my head too much in case I disturbed her. She was slouching there with her eyes lightly closed and her soft brown curls falling into her eyes, sheltering half her face. I closed my laptop lid and set it at the end of the bed so I had more room. Carefully I slipped my arms around her and pulled her towards me. She casually turned in her sleep and managed to rest her head on my chest.
From the way she spoke I knew she was sleep talking, but I still felt the need to guide the hair away from her face and whisper to her
‘And I always will be…’ was what I muttered in my head.
She was beautiful yet she couldn’t see it.
My eyes grew wider as I felt her mouth move against my chest just above my heart. I knew instantly that it beat unevenly.
“Dan…?” it sounded as though she was reaching consciousness.
“Shhh….” I hushed her, causing her to cuddle into me further. Moments like this were so rare that whilst this lasted I had to film a short video that hopefully I could use one day. She was still snoozing as I swiped my phone from the bedside table.
I turned on video and heard the ding which told me it had started. “Hey internet” I whispered grinning slightly and giving a little wave. “I guess this is probably the happiest I’ve ever been” I pointed the camera towards (Y/N), she didn’t move. “I’ve never really told you guys this but I do crush quite hard on girls and well…it’s been 2 years now since I’ve shared a flat with this beautiful girl lying next to me and…I wanted her to know that I love her. I’m debating whether to post this or not but if I do, I just want you guys to know that I won’t change for her… matter how bad I want her. She makes me happy, really happy. She’s funny, she’s sweet, she’s intelligent and also she can break a bone if she needs to. So yeah…” I let out an exasperated breath. “Thank god she’s still asleep…” I smiled knowing that this would probably never get uploaded. “See you next time” I saluted myself out and turned the camera off.
(About a month later)
Phil and I were sat watching the newest episodes of Sherlock on TV when Dan called up from the office for Phil. He sounded as though he were about to cry. He looked at me “Wonder what he wants?” Phil mumbled standing up with a long sigh. “Do you want me to pause it?” I asked him, he shook his head “I’ll watch the rest some other time.” He wandered through the door and I could faintly hear the soft tapping of his feet on the stairs.
“Phil!” I called down through the open door. On the computer screen was the video I had made just over a month ago when (Y/N) was lying beside me snoring silently. This was going to need someone else’s opinion.
A couple of minutes later Phil was stepping through the door and flicking his long ebony fringe out of his eyes. “Yeah? Can you make this quick I’m watching Sherlock” he muttered taking a seat on the sofa bed opposite me. I spun round in my chair to face him. He saw the expression on my face and his instantly changed. “What’s wrong?” He asked me. I opened my mouth to speak but instead just showed him the image on screen. It was (Y/N) and me, her eyes were closed and her left hand was splayed out across my chest. I was staring at her with a look in my eyes which could only be described as adoration.
“Dan, do you love-“I shushed him before he could say her name. I nodded once for confirmation. “I don’t know what to do Phil…” I whined putting my head in my hands as a sign of defeat. Phil was silent for a minute as he processed the information quickly. “Is that a video saying how much you love her?” he questioned, I nodded again. “I added a little onto the original so it now has an end screen and all the add-ons. I just don’t know whether to upload it or not.” I explained, lifting my knees up and hugging them so I was in a little ball. I felt so helpless without complete control over the situation. It scared me a little. “If you leave it, no doubt she’ll find it and know that way, which is the one we don’t want. But if you upload it then obviously it’s going to viral and quickly.” Phil thought aloud “But it’s your decision, Dan. I can’t make it for you.” He added standing up. When he reached the door I turned back to the computer. He was right, sadly. “But…” I looked over my shoulder at Phil who was grinning. “If you upload it then you two can finally be together. Have you seen the ships on Tumblr?”
I heard him jogging down the stairs and into the lounge. I turned and hit the enter button on my keyboard. There was no going back now. I watched as my feelings got uploaded to the biggest video sharing site in the world, this was going to be the biggest shit storm ever.
(Couple of hours later)
I poured myself a glass of water and headed to bed. It was late, (Y/N) and Phil had just gone to bed too. I tried to avoid speaking to (Y/N) when I eventually made it downstairs, just in case she had watched the video I put out. It didn’t seem as though she had but I was still a little edgy. I didn’t care what the world thought of me for putting that out there. I know it was the best thing I could have done and I couldn’t keep in my feelings any longer. I love her, I know that.
I had gone to bed hours ago and yet here I was, tossing and turning in my blue sheets again like always when my mind was stressed. It didn’t help that Dan was ignoring me slightly when I tried to speak to him. It annoyed me slightly if anything.
I turned towards my bedside table and picked up my phone. 200 mentions? I raised both eyebrows in surprise and unlocked my iPhone. They just kept flooding though, so quick that I couldn’t read any of them. I saw what was trending worldwide: #(Y/N) andDanForever. It didn’t make sense; the fans didn’t know that I loved Dan. To them we’re just the closest friends that you could possibly get.
Scrolling through the tweets, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t even read any of them. The adrenaline was pumping though my body too quick, it made each limb start to ache. But what did catch my eye was a link to a YouTube video.
I clicked it and watched as it took me to Dan’s channel, a video he had posted a couple of hours ago labelled ‘I have a confession…’ It loaded and I clicked it quickly. I was over the line of curious now. His chiselled features filled my phone screen and my eyes widened as I saw the blush in his cheeks while he spoke.
“So…a couple of weeks ago I was attempting to make a bookshelf for (Y/N) and…let’s just say that I wasn’t very good at it.” He began to tell the story of the bookshelf and how I offered to take over because he and Phil were terrible. Bur what made my ears prick up was what he said next. “She had just finished the bookshelf when she noticed me staring at her. We shared this glance…it was better than anything I had ever experience, apart from what happened next. I noticed she was cold so I offered the space next to me under the blanket, she got under it with me and snuggled into my chest…it was the cutest thing.” I noticed how his eyes lit up and the colour grew deeper in his cheeks. “She fell asleep on my shoulder…and well, I made this while she was out.”
That was when a short video clip played and a soft glow appeared in my stomach. There was me, leaning on his shoulder with my eyes closed. I was breathing heavily and evenly as he talked in whispers to the camera.
“Hey internet” I smiled despite myself
The video hadn’t even drawn to a close before I was out of bed and running though my door and down the hall. I hesitated outside his door, but what was I scared of? I pushed the door open, not caring if he was asleep or not. I perched myself on the edge of the bed and reached out a hand to caress his cheek. “Dan?”
“(Y/N)?” he asked sitting up slightly, he balanced himself on his elbows and looked though the darkness at me.
There I was, sat at the end of his bed; my hair was all over the place and no make-up on. What must I have looked like? In that moment I didn’t care. I loved him. I love Dan Howell.
“I…I love you Dan” I blushed, thank god he couldn’t see.
I felt soft hands pull me down to lie next to him, his face was inches from mine and I loved the feeling it gave me. “I love you too (Y/N)” He smiled at me; his hands were on my waists and pulling me closer. “I always have…” his lips came crashing down onto mine with so much passion that everything else around me didn’t seem to matter, anything I did now would only be about the boy in front of me. My hands found their way to Dan’s bare upper back through his t-shirt; his hands were wound in my hair somewhere, this was just too perfect. All I could taste was Dan. Dan freaking Howell.