There's nothing really to say, so thanks for reading and enjoy :)
I'm laying on my couch, begging for sleep to come, but it refuses. I can close my eyes, but it makes me feel even more trapped inside my head.
I keep thinking that this is absolutely ridiculous, and in many ways yes, it is. But if you look at it from my view, it's actually not. See, I don't think highly of myself. I don't believe that I'm really that pretty, although I've been told I am. I'm very self conscious and insecure, but no one except Rosie knows that because I don't act like it. So when someone as good looking as Luke comes around and acts like he actually likes me, it unbelievable. Then, when I see it's true, or at least that's what it looks like, I fell. And I fell hard.
Now here I am, I fell and broke and no one's there to pick up my pieces and fix me. What adds to that is I actually began to believe him when he called me beautiful and when he said he might love me, I was on cloud nine.
Not only did I love Luke, he might've had the same feelings towards me and to me, it's a huge deal. I was the happiest I've been and then I find out that he's cheating and my heart shrivels.
And I haven't gotten over it like I wish.
To me the silence in my apartment at the moment is quite deadly. It lets all of these horrible thoughts haunt my mind. These thoughts tell me I'm worthless and ugly and it's eating away my brain.
I'm staring at he ceiling, trapped in my head when I jump. There's a knock at the door. Rosie's out and if it was her, she would've walked right in.
Who in the world could it be?
I wipe my hands across my face in hope to look a bit better. I don't notice that my hair's in a sloppy ponytail or that my clothes aren't very presentable.
The person knocks again, very impatiently. "I'm coming!" My voice comes out hoarse. I reach the door and open it, kind of annoyed and confused as to why someone would be here.
My heart falls past my feet and my body goes limp. Tears prick my eyes, but won't fall and I start to tremble. The one and only Luke Robert Hemmings is standing in my doorway. The one that made me fell like a piece of trash, the one that made me like this, the one that shattered me.
I open my mouth slightly, but no words will spill out. Gosh what I would do to put him in my shoes right now for a day. Since, I won't say anything, I take a second to look at his appearance, which is quite disheveled, if I may say so.
His hair is messed up, sweats and a t-shirt cover his body and flip flops are on his feet. Bags are under his eyes and looking at him like this feels like pins pricking my skin. Lastly, I look up at his eyes to find his already concentrating on mine. They're gorgeous, like always, but not as lively as normal. It's like a storm has hit the ocean. They're rushing, rough and dark.
Our eyes lock onto each other. I miss him so much. I hate him so much. I love him so much.
Then, without thinking, I run. This is the boy that hurt me, I can't sit there and listen or look at him. I turn and fly into my room, suddenly panicking. My thoughts are bouncing everywhere and I don't know what to do. I can't think, my body's telling me to flee.
I pounce onto my bed and wrap myself in the comfort of my sheets, also attempting to hide myself from every problem coming at me. I'm shocked and frozen under these sheets, only able to process one thought at a time.
My front door shuts and I hear the faint sound of footsteps coming down the hall. No. No, no, no. I didn't close the door and now he's coming. Why are you so stupid, Eleanor? My mind is still freaking out that Luke is actually in my house, but panic mode has faded and I'm calming down.
My bed gets weighted down on the one side closest to the door and I wince, mentally hurting.
Luke's breathing is choppy and I can't help but wonder if he to is feeling the slightest bit of pain from this.
"If I could go back to one day I would go and fix this." His voice is like a melody, and it's been something I miss hearing. "I'm going to be honest, I don't know what I did wrong, but from what I see, I really fucked you up. Hell, I fucked us up, Eleanor and sorry doesn't cover it."
It's getting hard to breath under all these blankets.
"I can't live with myself right now knowing that I'm hurting you. I want to be the one holding you at night and making you happy and I can't because it's me that you can't stand looking at. Right now I'm not asking for you to give me another chance, I'm just asking for your forgiveness because as long as your happy, even if it's without me, I'll manage. I'm so fucking sorry Eleanor and I just want you to be okay." His voice started to crack.
I didn't think it was possible to feel more pain, but hearing Luke like this is crushing my heart.
"Please speak, Elle." Desperation was seeping into his words. I tried to escape my cocoon, but couldn't move. Why does this happen in the worst time? I easily gave up, not having much strength and a battle immediately formed inside me.
I wanted to forgive him right then, but the other side of me was convincing me that I shouldn't just let this boy off the hook. I go back and forth, not sure how to respond, completely conflicted inside.
"Please," Luke's voice cracked. With this, one side off me won. Hearing him speak made up my decision.
My muffled voice came through the blankets, "I-I forgive you." A few tears came out of my eyes and a huge weight came off of me. I could hear a breath escape Luke's mouth, a sign of relief. "Uh, I'm kind of stuck in these covers though, so, could you help me get out?"
I sounded ridiculous and Luke obviously thought that as well, considering he chuckled. Finally, I emerged from my cocoon and my arms involuntarily wrapped around him, tackling him in a hug. "Thank you so much," he murmured into my hair.
For the first time in a long time I genuinely smiled, more than happy to be in Luke's arms. But then I question that's been gnawing at me bubbled out of my lips. "Why did you cheat, though?" I unravel my arms from around him and sit facing him on my bed. I was now more curious then anything.
Luke's eyebrows furrowed and he replied, "I didn't. And I most definitely wouldn't."
"But the day that you texted me saying that you have a surprise, I was walking over to your house to see you and there you were with a girl singing about what you like about her."
He was completely puzzled for a minute until a look of realization crossed his face. A smile was drawn onto his face. Yeah, Luke freaking smiled at the thought of cheating on me.
"No," he slightly laughed. "I wrote a new song and wanted to show it to her because she was one of my good friends that works at that restaurant." Luke then sheepishly looked down at the covers. "It was actually for you and I was asking for her opinion to see if she thought you'd like it. And if it makes a difference, she already has a boyfriend."
My jaw kind if dropped and guilt filled me. This mess was all a big misunderstanding. "I'm sorry," I squeaked out. "That's not what it looked like to me." I suddenly felt small and vulnerable.
Luke shook his head and gently smiled. "No need to be sorry, I probably would've done the same. Plus, we're all happy now."
I nodded my head and yawned. I haven't slept in forever and now with all of this basically solved, I felt like I could sleep for a year. Luke notices the exhaustion taking over me and lays down next to me while I cuddle into him. His arm wraps around me and my head snuggles into the crook of his neck.
"I'm going to need a little time, but then I want to try again. I just need to pick up my pieces from falling." My voice is far away, on the verge of sleep.
"And when your ready, I'll be waiting. And next time when you fall, I'll be there to catch you."
His words make me feel safe.
"I love you, Luke."
"And I love you, Eleanor."