Outcast || n.h

"That boy is trouble, Emma. I want you to stay away from him"

"He isnt trouble, he's just lonely!"

"He isn't what you think at all Emma"

And he was right.

Copyright © 2014 ziamsparkle.


7. 0.6 | preparation

{ Emma }

I put my phone back down on the counter and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay, so I've managed to get all of my lessons for today off to set up the party" I informed Louis who was sat on the stool in front of me, writing several things down on a small notepad.

He nodded, making a bullet point and scribbling down another idea as to how we could decorate the place.

We have already decided that it's going to be a surprise them. So, i will ask Niall to hang out with me, then ill lead him down to the outside and everyone pops out and yells something. You know what a surprise party is like. Eleanor make the clever statement of making sure that we had alchohol. Luckily the College was kind enough to lend us some of the liquor from the kitchen, however we will also have some people bring some more because I'm going to get as many people as possible to come to this party.

It's going to be situated out the back, were there is a huge pool and it just looks like the perfect, night-time party setting. The pool will be lit up, some people will even be in it. I just want him to have a great time.

Oh, did i mention that it's Niall's birthday on the day we have set it? Yes. That's one of the main reasons why we planned it. Now, not only will it be a surprise party, but it will also be a birthday party.

I am so glad the professors here aren't twats like the ones in high school. God, they'd never let us have a party. Never even let us have our phone's out in lesson for that matter. Ugh. What a big bag of dicks.

"How's everything going?" Eleanor entered the room, closing the bathroom door behind her and sitting down on the stool next to Louis.

I sighed, "Stressful"

She chuckled, "Well what have you managed to do so far?"

"We have the lessons off for this whole day to prepare this whole thing, and i we were able to sort out the drinks, the place and the music. Louis is on the decorations now i think." I nodded over to Louis and swung around. I pulled the fridge door open and grabbed 3 cokes out, handing one to Louis, Eleanor and one to myself.

"Should we have inflatable animals for the pool?" Louis suggested, picking up his pen and scribbling something down onto his notepad.

"In...Inflatable animals. Louis are you for real?" I narrowed my eyes, "You do realise Niall will be turning 19 ... not 9" I rolled my eyes, and took a sip of the fizzy, black liquid.

He laughed, crossing it out and brainstorming again, "Well what's your idea because I'm out of them. I don't know what you older people have at partys. Mine consist of gummy bears and bouncy castles" He shrugged, placing his hand under his chin and leaning his elbow on the marble counter.

I chuckled lightly, Eleanor laughing and shaking her head.

If Louis is out of idea's, then i don't know what we are going to do. I sure as hell don't know how to throw a party. Our only hope now, is Eleanor.

"What do you think we should add? It needs something more i know it does. But what? Something that Niall likes what we haven't yet added to the list" There is something at the back of my brain that i cant dig out. I can just see it.

"Get some food!" She suggested, a wide grin on her face. l

Yea! That was it, food. I cant believe we forgot food. Wow, me and Louis would make terrible party planners.

"Oh! You should use the bar as a place to get drinks! Just find someone to pour the drinks, clean it up a bit and Bam! You have your self a proper, college party. Water, booze and music is all it takes to get a party started. Believe me. Ive been to too many to not know" She smirked, lifting the bottle to her lips and sipping the coke.

Louis turned to her with wide eyes, "I haven't been to a college party yet. My girlfriend is more popular than me, oh god that's embarassing" Louis pulled a funny face expression and both Eleanor and I laughed.

"I haven't been to a college party you douch. Ive been to a crazed party, yes." She rolled her eyes, and Louis chuckled.

"So is everything set now?" Eleanor added, scanning over Louis' notepad. He had all the rough idea's of what music we are having, where the lights and everything are. He basically has the set up.

"Uh..i think so. All that's left now is to make it, right?" I looked over at Louis.

He nodded, "Pretty much"

I sighed in relief, glad that after 3 hours of brainstorming and arguments over what music to have and what coloured lights we should use, we had finally done.

"We have it a little easier on us now because Niall and I are going to be practising for the performance thing, so that means work is going to be cut out for you guys. Ill be able to keep Niall away but you and El are going to need to manage setting it all up on your own" He bit the corner of his lip. Great. No Louis. Fan bloody tastic.

"It's fine, me and Emma will be able to make it look funky anyway" Eleanor chuckled and i smiled. Im glad i have her to help. I know absolutely zilch about college party's, and I've only ever been to a couple of party's in my life. Not little kiddie ones with Hannah Montana music and balloons with a DJ or any of that crap. Proper night club types of party's, and that's kind of what I'm aiming for here. Basically an outdoor nightclub party.

"Niall's at Liam's dorm now and they're rehearsing so he's out of our way for at least a couple more hours" He chuckled.

"That sounded kind of mean" I laughed. Eleanor looked confused.

"So if all the guys are at rehearsals ... and you are here ..." She pointed out. Louis' eyes then widened and he jumped off the stool, muttering "shit" as he grabbed his coat and shouted back a bye to us before leaving.

"Bye!" Me and Eleanor shouted back, and turned around to face eachother.

"Im gonna need your help a lot with this. I have no idea how to set party's" I lightly chuckled, rolling my eyes.

"Do you like Niall?" She asked immediatly, ignoring my previous question. I met her gaze, and craned my neck back.

"Yes, of course i like him." I drew my eyebrows together.

"Noo. I mean, do you like him like him" She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows.

I raised my eyebrows, "No. No no no, no he's just a friend" I shook my head, feeling a deep heat rise onto my cheeks. I guess I've never thought about that before. I don't have..feeling for Niall, do i? No, that's stupid. Niall is my friend, i don't 'fancy' him.

"Oh come on Emma." She grinned, "You totally do. And he likes you too"

I swallowed, my eyes widening slightly, "Niall.. - li - likes me?"

No, he cant.

"It's kind of obvious. You like him too Emma. Come on just admit it" She giggled, poking my shoulder.

I shook my head, "No, he's my friend, i -"

"Friend shmend, who cares! Louis and i were friends before we dated" She shrugged and i almost chocked on my own saliva.

"Im not dating Niall!!" I threw my arms in the air. What is this? Why is she suddenly assuming i like Niall! Well i do, but not in the way she thinks.

"Look. Come here" Eleanor instructed, grabbing my hand and directing me over to the sofa. she sat next to me, and gave me a mini pep talk.

"Does he make you smile?" She asked. I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"Yeah, i guess" I shrugged.

"Does he make you laugh?"

I nodded.

"Does he care for you?"

"I think, yeah" I answered.

"Does he make you happy?"

I sighed, "Yeah"

"And if you had the chance to go out with him..would you? I mean face it. You've just said everything that you need in a guy. Niall is sweet, he cares for you, he makes you happy, he makes you laugh, he makes you smile.." She began.

I bit my lip. She's right. Oh god.

"I..I.." Sighing, i lowered my head, "Yeah..i would"

God, what is wrong with me. Niall is supposed to be my friend, I'm not supposed to love my best friend.

wait, what.

Did i just say love?

"Then i think you have your answer" She rest her hand on my shoulder.

Oh god.

"Why are you telling me this?" I looked at her confused.

She sighed, "For Niall" She whispered. I gave her an even more addled look and she rolled her eyes.

"I want him to be happy, and you are clearly what makes him happy. You two have obvious feeling for eachother, you however, are just not willing to admit it" She explained, an unreadable expression flashing across her features.

"So..Niall admitted that he liked me?" I swallowed. Oh God. This is all happening too quickly. Sure i like Niall a lot, but do i really have feelings for - oh who am i kidding, of course i do.


"No, no no no no no. I just..think it's kind of obvious" She shrugged. A weird and awkward vibe now filled the area as the look on her face told me that she was lying.

I raised my eyebrow at her and she swallowed, "Uhhh...I gotta go" She lifted her wrist, checking the time on her watch before grabbing her jacket off the sofa and slinging her bag over her shoulder, "Ill see you later" She hurried, making her way out of my dorm and shutting the door behind her.

Great. So she convinces me that i have feelings for Niall, gets me all nervous and worked up, and then leaves. Awesome.

I flopped back down onto the sofa and let out an irritated sigh.

{ Niall }

"He's late" Zayn checked the time on his watch and groaned, "He better not be having sex with Eleanor"

Everyone looked at Zayn in disgusted, but he didn't seemed fazed by it as he just shrugged and turned away from the group.

We were all gathered in Liam's small dorm, and he had us make a circle in the centre of the room. I sat between Zayn and my invisible friend Albert, because Liam wanted to be next to Harry for so,e ungodly reason, and i wanted to avoid being in Liam's place at all costs. If Harry is going to be a dick to me, i will be one back to him.

The door burst open, and in came Louis. He was panting like he had just been running and he murmured only a million apologies.

"Sorry. I was with Eleanor and...and...jesus that took long" He breathed out, leaning down and resting his hands onto his knee's. Zayn wore a smirk on his face and coughed into his hand.

"Told you"

"What?" Louis looked up at Zayn, catching his breath back and taking the seat next to me where Albert previously sat.

"Nothing" Zayn bit back a grin and turned away from Louis. He was left with a confused expression and Harry, being the big ass fucking mardy arse that he is, groaned and runs his hands over his face.

"Come on! We have 3 weeks to do this which means only 3 rehearsals so get your fucking asses moving instead of prating around. I don't know about you lot but i don't want to mess up every god damn lyric when we perform in front of 300 people." He snapped.

Everybody seemed taken aback by Harry's sudden outburst, but to me, it's just normal. It's Harry being Harry.

"Yeah come on guys, let's get this started" Liam nodded, agreeing with Harry. They then both fist bumped and i looked at them with narrowed eyes. What is it with them two?

"Something wrong, Horan?" Harry growled, snapping his eyes to mine. At first, i was a little startled as my name came so harshly and roughly from his mouth but i loosened up and felt the anger beginning to grow inside of me.

I just shook my head and folded my arms.

"Too bad you cant talk back at me or i would've made you permanently speechless, mute boy" He seethed, sending a slick grin my way.

"Harry!" Louis whisper/shouted at him.

My fists gradually began to tighten at the mention of stupid little nickname. Im sick of this. it's junior school all over again. I'm basically being bullied. just because i don't process words it doesn't make me a fucking wimp.

if one more word comes from his mouth about me, ill honestly grab his head and smash it straight against the table. what is his deal with me?

you know what? fuck it. I'm gonna do it. it has to be one day so it's gonna be on that day. i want to insult him so bad, that I'm finally accepting words to leave my mouth.

i grabbed the sheet of paper that had all of our roles on, and pulled a pen our from the pot. I quickly scribbled something under the "singing" roles and slammed the pen down on the table.

singing :





n̸i̸a̸l̸l̸ - Niall

Harry's eyes cast down to the newly written name and furrowed his eyebrows together, "But..you cant speak so how are you going to sing you retard?"

I just smirked at him and folded my arms back together again. this feels good, so good to stand up to harry. i feel tough in a way.

"And your name is written under guitar as well so you cant do both"

"Yes he can, he can sing and play guitar" Zayn answered, shrugging and turning to me with a smile, "Good on you, man" He connected his fist with mine and i smiled. i like zayn. see, unlike harry, zayn is nice and generous and very friendly. he has the most important qualities that harry lacks.

Harry looked utterly defeated, and extremely pissed. i could see the smoke billowing out of his ears as he spat a "Fine"

Liam just sat awkardly, keeping quite to avoid taking sides. Liam is cool, but i don't think id label him as a friend yet. say if harry and i were in a fight, i couldn't count on him to help me, he would most likely take harry's side which is not exactly very friendly. i know zayn would have my back. if he has enough bravery side him to stand up for me against harry like that, then i have trust in zayn. as do i have louis'.

"Are you really gonna do it man? Are you gonna speak?" Louis leaned into me and whispered, just audible for me to hear. His voice was laced with shock and exitement.

I emitted a low sigh before nodding. I need to talk again, i have to. its only eating at me even more because it just reminds me, everyday, of what i did and maybe if i speak i can finally come at peace with myself. and i know it would make emma happy to hear me talk for the first time, and thats all i want to do. make her happy. when she smiles, its's like an angel has entered the room, her whole face lights up and its beautifu - wait .. oh god.

Louis' hand patted my back and he had a proud and encouraging look on his face.

"Shall we get to writing the song then?" Liam inquired, gathering everyone's attention. We all nodded and Liam grabbed a fresh piece of paper from the desk beside him, laying it flat on the table. Harry was the first to pick up the pen since everyone just stared at it and waited for someone to take it.

"Okay, so what type of song could it be? slow or up-beat?" Harry questioned, looking around at everyone for their opinions. everyone, except me.

"I think slow. I'm pretty lazy and wont have enough energy to run around and sing a really fast song with billions of lyrics to sing which i will most likely forget anyway" Louis stated, and harry let out a small chuckle.

"I agree" Zayn nodded. I followed, and everyone seemed to agree on a slow song.

"Okay, so what can it be about?" He then asked, earning a confused glance from everyone, "I mean, what is the theme of the song you douche bags" He rolled his eyes.

Louis' eyes lit up and he clicked his fingers, pointing at harry and smirking, "A girl"

Zayn rolled his eyes, "That's the theme of probably every song in the whole entire universe Louis, we should make it something better and different"

Louis narrowed his eyes at Zayn, "Different shmifferent, i say love songs are always the best songs"

"Yeah. Sorry Zayn, but they are" Liam nodded.

Louis just sat back in his chair and grinned while everyone agreed with him.

"Fine, love song it is" Zayn gave in and threw his arms in the air.

"We should make it relatable, like about a boy and a girl. A relationship! Like how they hold hands, and when people say they are meant to be and stuff. it'll be cute"

Zayn and Louis crinkled their noses up at Liam's newly shown feminine side and i held back a laugh, for Liam's sake.

I began to notice that Harry had grown awfully silent. maybe it was because someone actually put him in the wrong this time, maybe it was because of zayn sticking up for me and he instantly new he was being a dick so he shut up. either way I'm happy because now harry is avoiding all conversation with me, contact and even eye sight. he's probably embarassed.

"Actually, that's a good idea Liam" Harry finally spoke after minutes of silence and picked up the pen, scribbling down the first line of the song.

We all towered over him and read what he had put as soon as he dropped the pen. As i scanned my eyes along the messy ink, i was taken aback.

"Your hand fits in mine like it's made, just for me, but bear this in mind it was meant to be."

I didn't know harry could show such compassion and emotion. i didn't think harry even had feelings.

"Dude, that's awesome" Louis wore the same bewildered expression as me, "How did you come up with this" Their eyes connected.

Harry shrugged, "I just picked out words from what Liam said and put it into a sentence"

"Niall, since you are playing guitar, do you think you could come up with a beat to this?" Zayn asked softly, turning his head to me. Everyone else then looked at me and i felt uncomfortable with them all staring but nodded my head anyway.

"Yeah! So Niall, if you could maybe use some of your free time to come up with the music, that would just be amazing." Liam smiled.

I nodded again, and they all thanked me. I guess coming up with the music isn't a great deal. The thing that's worrying me is singing. i haven't spoken in what, 6 years, and i will be suddenly puking song lyrics all over the small crowd. its taunting me, just the thought of it.


2 weeks later


"Come on Niall, we're gonna be late! We need to get to Liam's dorm in 5 minutes hurry up!" Louis yelled at me as i quickened the pace of my toothbrush. I hurriedly scrubbed my teeth with the bristles of the toothbrush and spat our the remains of the toothpaste. Wiping my mouth with the back of my mouth, i dropped the toothbrush back into the pot and met Louis in the room after drying my hands.

"Quick quick" He rushed me as i slung my jacket over my shoulders. I gave him a glare as he turned around and i followed him out the door.

We've been at college for 4 weeks now and i think I've managed to settle in much easier than i did with middle school. I don't get people shouting names or throwing things at me anymore, except for the occasional murderous glance from Harry, but that's about it.

I complete the task they asked me to do, and the song is almost finished. With a little help from Louis too, it made it so much easier. i only need to do a few more lines and it will be done.

I made the music up while i was in the back of the library on my guitar. I got shouted at several times by the librarian but i ignored her. I just began playing a few random tunes and then..it just came to me. The sound is calm, soft and rythmic. The perfect kind of tune for a 'love' song.

Ive been hanging out with Emma only a few times. She always happens to be busy, or so she says. I don't know whether she is avoiding me or she actually does have something she needs to do, but it's worrying me. I asked her multiple times if she wanted to hang out but something always came up that she had to do..with Louis. Maybe this is her nice way of telling me she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

I was confused and purely overwrought. Maybe a little jealous of how much time she is spending with Louis too. I do like Emma, and her sudden need to be around Louis all the time had me on edge and a little upset. Why is she dogging me?

Tomorrow is my birthday aswell. Im not doing anything obviously. Ill just wake up to Louis standing over me and screaming a big happy birthday before pulling me into a hug. Same old. But with the way things look, it doesn't seem Emma will be turning up to my dorm.

We arrived outside Liam's door, and Louis just walked in. I raised my eyebrows at him. He cant just walk in! It's a bit rude isn't it?

"You guys made it! Thought you'd never turn up" Zayn joked, pulling me into an embrace as soon as i entered behind Louis.

Everyone shared a 'hey' or 'hi' and surprisingly, we got straight to work. Harry seemed very devoted towards this piece of work, and i was beginning to wonder why. On our first rehearsal meet-up, he was the first to come up with the first few lyrics and they were very good, i must admit.

When we were in lessons, in the practice rooms, we would mainly just piss around because we are already rehearsing at Liam's so we took that time as an opportunity to take a break from the other lessons.

"So, Niall have you finished the lyrics?" Liam questioned, looking at me.

I nodded, and Louis smirked, "With the help of a certain someone" He proudly stated.

"And Niall's came up with the perfect tune, it's amazing." Louis then announced. I knew this was coming. Louis has always been like a proud dad, telling everyone about his talented son. Im not even talented, yet apparently i am.

"Come on then, let's hear it" Zayn smiled, adjusting himself in his seat and passing me my guitar. I leave it here just so i don't have to run around the campus with a guitar every week.

I nervously took it from him, and rest it on my lap. I felt anxious under the trap of everyones stares, and shifted uncomfortable in my chair, before beginning to play the first part of the song.

All of their faces turned from calm, to shocked. Harry's was most defiantly surprised and i saw him roll his eyes as everyone applauded me.

"Niall that's amazing! How did you come up with that?" Zayn interrogated.

"He was in the library and just made it up from scratch as he was playing random notes, and he just put it together" Louis answered for me and i awkwardly nodded.

"The library? Didn't you get told to move?" Harry drew his eyebrows together. His voice seemed genuinely concerned, not full of spite or sarcasm, just a normal question had finally been asked. I was alarmed by his average tone.

"Yeah, but he ignored them" Louis yet again answered for me and Liam's and Zayn's quiet chuckles sounded throughout the room. I simply smiled and cast my eyes down to the floor.

"Niall and I just need to finish the last line of lyrics and then we will join you guys in about 10 minutes"

They all nodded and Louis dragged me off to the back of the room where a desk lay. We both sat down, and i placed my guitar in my lap, leaning one arm over it to write on the paper.

"Alright so it's na na na na na na, cause its you, its you, oh its you, they add up to, I'm in love with you..and all these little things" Louis murmered, scanning his eyes over the lyrics and refreshing his memory.

"And then that's my solo?" Louis pointed to a certain part of the song and i nodded. He read over it and copied my actions, "sounds good buddy" He smiled, patting my back.

"So do you think we should just repeat the chorus for the last part of the song?" He suggested.

I nodded, and began neatly writing down the chorus, glancing up at it every once in a while when i would forget the words. At the end, instead of putting, 'and all these little things', i did a kind of swappy thing and changed it to, 'and all your little things'.

"Ahhhhh. I see what you did there" Louis leaned over to me, smirking as he examined the new lyrics.

"Guys! We've done it!" Louis excalimed, dragging me up from the chair and pulling me back over to the circle that we all sat in.

Zayn raised his eyebrow, "What? Everything?"

Louis nodded, "Everything. Now all we need to do is practice our vocals"

I stiffened.

"This is our last rehearsal together guys so we have to get this right. No messing up, no fucking around, and no dropping out" Harry spoke, snapping his eyes to mine as he spoke the last few words. I swallowed, diverting my eyes away from his and picking my guitar back up.

"Okay," Louis began, "Me and Niall have written down who will be singing which parts, so we are all good."

Everyone nodded, and Harry lay the paper in the middle of the table, so all of us could see. Me, i didn't need it. I already knew all the lyrics because..well i wrote them.

"You ready?" Louis whispered over to me.

I nodded axiously. Deep down, i could hear my voice screaming at me and telling me to stop. Just run out and turn this whole thing down. But i didnt. I stayed glued to the seat.

Despite my merely trembling hands, i was able to begin playing the song. They all seemed prepared. How are they not nervous.

"Your hand fits in mine like its made just for me, but bear this in mine it was meant to be, and I'm joinin' up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me" Zayn sang.

"I know you've never loved, the crinkles by your eyes when you smile you've never loved, your stomach or your thighs. The dimples in your back, at the bottom of your spine, but ill love them endlessly" Liam' voice was soft and very mature. I had no idea they all showed so much compassion into stuff like this. I thought they were the kind of guys that mess around and could give less of a fuck about work. But they're not.

"I wont let these little things slip, out of my mouth, but if i do, its you, oh its you they add up to. Im in love with you, and all these little things" Both Harry and Zayn sang in harmomy. Zayn was surprisingly good at getting the higher notes.

Louis then sang, and i wasn't too surprised because I've heard him sing a lot of times, just not as passionate at now.

And when the chorus had nearly ended, just after harry had sang it, it edged closer and closer to my part. My breathing was growing shaky and my eyes were glued open, not blinking once. This is it Niall. You have to do this. Don't let them down. Do this for Louis.

Do it for Emma.

And then, For the first time in 6 years, with the scars of my fathers death still hanging over my body and the dark cloud that hung over my head still remaining, i opened my mouth..

And i sang.

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